J:

I just read your story, and it seems that this situation might not only be inappropriate, it might be downright dangerous.

I don't know your relationship with your parents, but you might seriously want to consider trying to at least give your mother the basics about what happened. Maybe, if you don't trust her that much, you could even ask her if she will help you find a therapist without actually divulging why you need to see one. Maybe she'll help if she understands that it has something to do with you trying to hurt yourself. If not, you might want to consider going to someone outside of the family (like a school counselor).

My thoughts are with you.

Bryan

You DO NOT have to give them DETAILS as to WHY...
Just ask that you need this BOUNDRY...

On the other side of the coin..
you may need to reassure them that you will not harm yourself...

Sorry Bryan...we must've been posting at the same time...
didn't mean to disagree w/ your post...we just posted
at the same time and I did not see yours...

I just thought that I'd quickly add that it may not be fair to them (or yourself) to offer this reassurance if it isn't true.

Bryan

It doesn't sound like we are much in disagreement, actually. I think a good first step would be to try to establish boundaries. We are in agreement there, but I come from a home where that just wasn't possible. We never know until we try, though.

Bryan

This may help...
Speak Up For Yourself, Create and Communicate Boundries
By Kimberly Fulcher
http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Fulcher3.html

it is really hard
but would you rather deal with being afraid all the time or set your foot down and tell THEM you wont allow it

J------------------hoping alls well with you---------------------------steve

Thanks for helping me, guys. As I thought at this house there is no way to set any kind of boundaries. At least not for me. My relationship with my parents is just "do as I say, don't ask why" and for that everything just goes worse when I try to confront them. My father has a very effective way to keep me where he wants me to be just as he prooved again yesterday. And I couldnt reassure my mother to sth that I know I woudnt be able to do.

This just went so wrong and in fact I couldnt sleep. I kept looking at him the whole night wondering if he would wake up at any time. Just cant live with this fear.

School only begins at September 3, so I'll have to wait until it starts again to try to ask some help. If I manage to do that. Anyway, thanks for the links, Frog and for the concern to all of you. Youre my best gift from way more than I can remember.

Julian