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#174152 - 08/18/07 05:20 PM Re: Unrealistic fear [Re: user2007]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
J:

I just read your story, and it seems that this situation might not only be inappropriate, it might be downright dangerous.

I don't know your relationship with your parents, but you might seriously want to consider trying to at least give your mother the basics about what happened. Maybe, if you don't trust her that much, you could even ask her if she will help you find a therapist without actually divulging why you need to see one. Maybe she'll help if she understands that it has something to do with you trying to hurt yourself. If not, you might want to consider going to someone outside of the family (like a school counselor).

My thoughts are with you.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#174153 - 08/18/07 05:21 PM Re: Unrealistic fear [Re: Frog]
Frog Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/05/07
Posts: 291
Loc: Arizona

You DO NOT have to give them DETAILS as to WHY...
Just ask that you need this BOUNDRY...

On the other side of the coin..
you may need to reassure them that you will not harm yourself...

_________________________
A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: "Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time." When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment, "The one I feed the most."

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#174154 - 08/18/07 05:22 PM Re: Unrealistic fear [Re: Frog]
Frog Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/05/07
Posts: 291
Loc: Arizona

Sorry Bryan...we must've been posting at the same time...
didn't mean to disagree w/ your post...we just posted
at the same time and I did not see yours... \:\)

_________________________
A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: "Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time." When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment, "The one I feed the most."

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#174155 - 08/18/07 05:23 PM Re: Unrealistic fear [Re: Frog]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Originally Posted By: Frog

you may need to reassure them that you will not harm yourself...


I just thought that I'd quickly add that it may not be fair to them (or yourself) to offer this reassurance if it isn't true.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#174156 - 08/18/07 05:34 PM Re: Unrealistic fear [Re: Frog]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Originally Posted By: Frog

Sorry Bryan...we must've been posting at the same time...
didn't mean to disagree w/ your post...we just posted
at the same time and I did not see yours... \:\)


It doesn't sound like we are much in disagreement, actually. I think a good first step would be to try to establish boundaries. We are in agreement there, but I come from a home where that just wasn't possible. We never know until we try, though.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

Top
#174158 - 08/18/07 05:46 PM Re: Unrealistic fear [Re: BJK]
Frog Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/05/07
Posts: 291
Loc: Arizona

This may help...
Speak Up For Yourself, Create and Communicate Boundries
By Kimberly Fulcher
http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Fulcher3.html

_________________________
A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: "Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time." When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment, "The one I feed the most."

Top
#174160 - 08/18/07 05:59 PM Re: Unrealistic fear [Re: Frog]
Frog Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/05/07
Posts: 291
Loc: Arizona
_________________________
A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: "Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time." When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment, "The one I feed the most."

Top
#174179 - 08/18/07 07:30 PM Re: Unrealistic fear [Re: Frog]
hideout Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/09/07
Posts: 84
Loc: michigan
it is really hard
but would you rather deal with being afraid all the time or set your foot down and tell THEM you wont allow it


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#174192 - 08/18/07 08:09 PM Re: Unrealistic fear [Re: hideout]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
J------------------hoping alls well with you---------------------------steve


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#174327 - 08/19/07 03:19 PM Re: Unrealistic fear [Re: sabata]
user2007 Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/13/07
Posts: 346
Thanks for helping me, guys. As I thought at this house there is no way to set any kind of boundaries. At least not for me. My relationship with my parents is just "do as I say, don't ask why" and for that everything just goes worse when I try to confront them. My father has a very effective way to keep me where he wants me to be just as he prooved again yesterday. And I couldnt reassure my mother to sth that I know I woudnt be able to do.

This just went so wrong and in fact I couldnt sleep. I kept looking at him the whole night wondering if he would wake up at any time. Just cant live with this fear.

School only begins at September 3, so I'll have to wait until it starts again to try to ask some help. If I manage to do that. Anyway, thanks for the links, Frog and for the concern to all of you. Youre my best gift from way more than I can remember.

Julian

_________________________
"Yes, I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by
All this pavement"

~ John Mayer



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