Newest Members
kk90, Austintexan, Cancan, LS, PaulnMA
12256 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
closerthenveins (26), Nvolpicelli (24), Sven (19)
Who's Online
2 registered (aniceguy, 1 invisible), 46 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12256 Members
73 Forums
63116 Topics
441388 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 >
Topic Options
#174059 - 08/18/07 09:58 AM if it ain't broke
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
i know i've frustrated plenty of people lately. i say how bad i feel but then don't listen to suggestions of how to make things better. well - for what it's worth, i think i know what's going on. understand please, i realize people here only mean the best - we want to help because we hate seeing others in pain. that is known. and appreciated. anyhoo - as for what's going on inside me...

someone asks how i'm doing
i say not good
they have suggestions on what i can do to change things

and deep inside this voice cries out "there is nothing wrong with me! it is ok to hurt! it is ok to have pain!"

i'm not broken, only wounded.

and for me, sometimes i just need to be able to say i don't feel good without having someone feel they need to "fix" me.

i just need a way of saying that without hurting people's feelings. you all mean SO MUCH to me. i'd just not come online when i feel this way - but i need to be WITH people, just not feeling like everyone's trying to change me.

i doubt this makes much sense - but i needed to get this out to those of you who have been confused or hurt by my actions.

M
_____________________________
please forgive me, i'm pedaling as fast as i can




Top
#174063 - 08/18/07 10:07 AM Re: if it ain't broke [Re: MarkK]
AJC Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 108
Loc: Illinois, USA
M -

I mostly come here when I am needing to be WITH people. Just like you said in your posting. Last night i was spiraling into a depression and I came to MS.org and found a couple of people in the chat room area to BE WITH. So I didn't feel helpless and alone. I understand that completely. And we don't always need a nurse - sometimes we just need a shoulder to lean on.

I hear ya buddy!

-Andrew


Top
#174073 - 08/18/07 10:50 AM Re: if it ain't broke [Re: AJC]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Mark,

One of the most important skills for those abused to learn is how to ask for what they need. You've just done that very eloquently. Bravo! Sometimes a person just needs to feel like he's been heard.

I hear you, Mark.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

Top
#174093 - 08/18/07 12:13 PM Re: if it ain't broke [Re: WalkingSouth]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Thanx guys. It helps to be heard. Even more to be understood.

M


Top
#174096 - 08/18/07 12:21 PM Re: if it ain't broke [Re: MarkK]
endlessjourney Offline
Member

Registered: 11/01/05
Posts: 518
Loc: Cincinnati Ohio
Sometimes life becomes unbearable. I know I can always come hear. This forum is not a crutch for the invalids. It is a gift and a blessing and a tool we choose to use to make our lives better. I love the help I get here and I love to give it back however I can.

By the way Markk, Tapping.com is the shit!

_________________________
Truth is the very reason we strive to live. It surrounds and resides within us. Accepting the truths we already know and seeking out those we do not is a direct path to inner balance and joy. For life is not a means to an end, but a journey. Life comes and goes but the truth will always live on.

Top
#174100 - 08/18/07 12:32 PM Re: if it ain't broke [Re: endlessjourney]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
which means??


Top
#174101 - 08/18/07 12:33 PM Re: if it ain't broke [Re: MarkK]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11021
Loc: Denver, CO
Mark, I think what EJ is saying it that tapping.com is good stuff. Kinda ironic how some of our slang works.

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

Top
#174107 - 08/18/07 12:57 PM Re: if it ain't broke [Re: FormerTexan]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
... i feel so old ...

m


Top
#174109 - 08/18/07 01:00 PM Re: if it ain't broke [Re: MarkK]
Frog Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/05/07
Posts: 291
Loc: Arizona

I can relate to that statement MarkK....

_________________________
A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: "Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time." When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment, "The one I feed the most."

Top
#174115 - 08/18/07 01:08 PM Re: if it ain't broke [Re: Frog]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11021
Loc: Denver, CO
So can I. Ya know, the first time I heard "my bad" I was confused. It sounded like an unfinished sentence. Your bad...your bad what? Your bad dog? Your bad day? Interesting way to accept blame.

But then, I digress..

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

Top
#174122 - 08/18/07 01:36 PM Re: if it ain't broke [Re: FormerTexan]
Frog Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/05/07
Posts: 291
Loc: Arizona

Todays pop culture's 'slang' is very confusing to me as well...
I found a site that does a very intersting job of explaining this
stuff, it does get pretty awful in it's de>
_________________________
A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: "Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time." When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment, "The one I feed the most."

Top
#174123 - 08/18/07 01:38 PM Re: if it ain't broke [Re: Frog]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
for me - nah - don't need the site.
as long as i know what was meant in this one instance, i'm ok.

still broke...

but ok.

M


Top
#174125 - 08/18/07 02:02 PM Re: if it ain't broke [Re: MarkK]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11021
Loc: Denver, CO
Mind if I join you among the ranks of the 'still broke?'

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

Top
#174127 - 08/18/07 02:11 PM Re: if it ain't broke [Re: FormerTexan]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
well, although i don't believe "the more the merrier" ... i could use the company.

thanx.


Top
#174164 - 08/18/07 06:25 PM Re: if it ain't broke [Re: FormerTexan]
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Well I don't know if this will make sense either!?

Sometimes life is like falling into a blackberry bush!

Somedays, you have the right clothes on, so you just bounce out the other side without a scratch!

Next day you can fall into the same bush, and because you are wearing different clothes, or the wind is in a different direction, you get caught in the branches, and you get scratched to bits by the thorns. You can still get up and walk away, but next time you walk near that bush you remember not to fall in it!

On a really bad day, you forget that the bush is there, fall into it, realise you aren't wearing any clothes, get scratched getting out of the bush and realise that you have just stepped into an adjacent bush that has more and sharper thorns, the scratches get infected and you feel really bad for a while.

Next time you go past, you are really careful, but notice that there are ripe berries on the bush. You pick them and eat them and they are good.

To me, that's a bit like what recovery is about. Somedays it's good, somedays it's not!

Best wishes ...Rik (hope that doesn't sound too crazy).

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

Top
#174170 - 08/18/07 06:43 PM Re: if it ain't broke [Re: RICK57]
peer345 Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/09/07
Posts: 35
Loc: australia
It all makes sense.

Being heard and being understood is so important. It makes me feel real, like I am really here. Don't know why it makes any difference but it does.

I understand about not wanting things fixed sometimes too. For me when someone comes up with a'solution' it means they haven't heard me and want me to be different than I am. When young when I said I felt bad I was always told I was alright...or if I needed something I was told I didn't.

Dan

_________________________
"Our life's work is to use what we have been given to wake up." Pema Chodron

Top
#174176 - 08/18/07 07:11 PM Re: if it ain't broke [Re: peer345]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
hey-------ric------------------can you pull me out of the blackberry bush-----------------------------and loan me some clothes----------------------------------steve


Top
#174177 - 08/18/07 07:18 PM Re: if it ain't broke [Re: sabata]
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Steve- I'll give it a go!

Steve/Dan - Thanks for understanding what I meant, when I wasn't too sure that I'd said what I meant myself!

Best wishes ...RIk

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

Top
#174193 - 08/18/07 08:11 PM Re: if it ain't broke [Re: RICK57]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
gee--Ric--------------to me you couldnt have said it much clearer---------------it was a great way of decribing----------my life-------------steve


Top
#174226 - 08/19/07 12:37 AM Re: if it ain't broke [Re: sabata]
endlessjourney Offline
Member

Registered: 11/01/05
Posts: 518
Loc: Cincinnati Ohio
Sorry Markk, "the shit" does mean its good. Maybe I should say "far out" or "groovy" and then maybe you'll understand LOL. Just kidding. Seriously though, I do notice a difference in the way I feel. I think I'm going to look into it even more.

jason

_________________________
Truth is the very reason we strive to live. It surrounds and resides within us. Accepting the truths we already know and seeking out those we do not is a direct path to inner balance and joy. For life is not a means to an end, but a journey. Life comes and goes but the truth will always live on.

Top
#174250 - 08/19/07 05:51 AM Re: if it ain't broke [Re: FormerTexan]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Originally Posted By: FormerTexan
But then, I digress..


Another sign of aging...

Sorry Andy! lol

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#174253 - 08/19/07 05:54 AM Re: if it ain't broke [Re: endlessjourney]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Hey!!!!

Originally Posted By: endlessjourney
Maybe I should say "far out" or "groovy" and then maybe you'll understand LOL. Just kidding.


"Far out" - one of the coolest most flexible expressions ever!!!

Much grooving,
Larry (age 58)

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#174254 - 08/19/07 06:01 AM Re: if it ain't broke [Re: roadrunner]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Mark,

Okay - back to your thread...

I think you hit on a vitally important point here. One thing that men do a lot is try to "fix" things. As soon as someone begins to talk about their problems, a man will shift gears into "fix" mode and try to think up solutions.

But sometimes that isn't what we need or want. We just need companionship and don't want to be alone with our pain and confusion. We need the other guy just to listen - to "be there" for us. If it were a face-to-face thing we would want a hug, not a repair.

It reminds me of the Book of Job, where Job has been utterly destroyed and then is visited by his three friends. They sit with him in silence for three days - they are just "there" for him.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#174355 - 08/19/07 05:58 PM Re: if it ain't broke [Re: roadrunner]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Originally Posted By: roadrunner
If it were a face-to-face thing we would want a hug, not a repair.
Wow, did THAT sentence bring up the well. Guess I want a hug more than I realized...

Originally Posted By: roadrunner
It reminds me of the Book of Job, where Job has been utterly destroyed and then is visited by his three friends. They sit with him in silence for three days - they are just "there" for him.
Except they do get into trying to "fix" Job ... clearly not listening to everything he says. Guess maybe that's a human reaction as well.

But you were right - I often don't want (or need?) a fix - I need a listening ear - a helping arm - an understanding hug or a strong shoulder.

And sometimes I just need someone to grieve with me.

M



Top
#174363 - 08/19/07 06:59 PM Re: if it ain't broke [Re: MarkK]
peer345 Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/09/07
Posts: 35
Loc: australia
I think by not trying to fix stuff you are accepting that who or what you are is okay even if it hurts...that is what listening can be a deep acceptance...sometimes i can even do it for myself! and not demand that I be a better person, a more improved person to be accepted. Fixing stuff up can be about stopping pain but also about trying to improve the situation ie not accepting it as it is. For me acceptance often is the only improvement I really need...can be hard to do though!!

_________________________
"Our life's work is to use what we have been given to wake up." Pema Chodron

Top
#174376 - 08/19/07 08:07 PM Re: if it ain't broke [Re: peer345]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Originally Posted By: peer345
For me acceptance often is the only improvement I really need...can be hard to do though!!

It can be hard to get as well...

M


Top
#174377 - 08/19/07 08:11 PM Re: if it ain't broke [Re: MarkK]
peer345 Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/09/07
Posts: 35
Loc: australia
Yes, most people don't really understand how this works...I sure didn't...it has grown, slowly, out of my therapy.

Dan

_________________________
"Our life's work is to use what we have been given to wake up." Pema Chodron

Top
#174380 - 08/19/07 08:14 PM Re: if it ain't broke [Re: peer345]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
So, all i need is an answer to my earlier question: How do i tell someone i don't need fixed that without hurting people's feelings?

m


Top
#174385 - 08/19/07 08:25 PM Re: if it ain't broke [Re: MarkK]
peer345 Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/09/07
Posts: 35
Loc: australia
I have had long discussions with my wife, J. about this...it can be tricky because two needs are present here. Yours and the other persons.

With J what I did was I thanked her for her input and good intentions and said at this moment I don't need advice but just need for you to listen and hold me. People get anxious when you tell them hard stuff and feel inadequate, powerless. If they can listen to this request ie to do nothing or to hold you then at other times you can explain more about why this kind of listening works...anyhow that is what i did and it did work with J at least.

I am sure others will have good advice about this!!

I hope you can find this space for yourself soon!

Dan

_________________________
"Our life's work is to use what we have been given to wake up." Pema Chodron

Top
#174386 - 08/19/07 08:28 PM Re: if it ain't broke [Re: peer345]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Thanx, Dan. i appreciate your input.

m


Top
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.