Newest Members
Lumpy, squeekinby, rhyoung, Jefferson22, OxfordArms
12369 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
aleja (40), bc22 (47), DavidMI (40), Forrest_Gump (39), Jay1946 (68), Malc4 (29), mpm01 (49), widpaulman (43)
Who's Online
2 registered (Jay1946, focusedbody), 17 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12369 Members
74 Forums
63578 Topics
444187 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 7 of 7 < 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Topic Options
#383697 - 01/28/12 03:33 AM Re: Why do I seek out men when not attracted to th [Re: AndrewT]
1lifenow Offline


Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 407
Loc: west coast
I agree, this is the whole point of this thread. why do men seek out men they are not attacted to? they do it to replay the scenario where it is not about the guy, its about the penis.

So there is no difference if a guy is attractive or not, its part of the pattern. Cuz i am sure most of us never thought of whether our perp(S) were attractive or not.

But what if we do notice the eyes, smile, muscles, basket? we fantasize about a guy cuz he turns us on , not cuz he is just a cock. Well thats when gay feelings are real and not about recreating the abuse. Doesnt have to be exclusively gay, if you get aroused by a hot woman just as easily then thats where you are.

But dont beat yourself up for seeking out men you dont have attraction for, its clearly that CSA and like andrewT said there are ways of resolving that. You are most likely a str8 guy in this imprinting pattern and the guilt is not necessary.

But if you are truly aroused by an especially good looking man, then its about the attraction and the identity that is part of you. You can either accept it and ease your pain or you can rail against the gods for making you that way. It doesnt matter tho in the end, the arousal will still be there, its part of normal human sexuality. And therefore, again the guilt is not necessary. And normal sexuality is a good thing if you just let it be. Especially for survirors. We need the closeness of the intimacy that was so long ago taken away.

_________________________
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama

WoR Barrie 2011

Top
#383732 - 01/28/12 05:18 PM Re: Why do I seek out men when not attracted to th [Re: 1lifenow]
EdfromNYC Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/18/10
Posts: 233
Loc: New York City
Quote:
But if you are truly aroused by an especially good looking man, then its about the attraction and the identity that is part of you. You can either accept it and ease your pain or you can rail against the gods for making you that way. It doesnt matter tho in the end, the arousal will still be there, its part of normal human sexuality.


I had a different experience. For me, I was physically attracted to some men but not really anymore. Occasionally, a fleeting idea or attraction might come up but its not the same. For me, something beneath the surface is driving and it shows up sometimes as sex drive but its not really what it is, for me.

I tried to accept it and that didn't work for me. Fighting didn't really work either. Time, patience and understanding and not acting out were keys for me.

Its a very complicated area that each man has to figure out for himself. Its a lot about personal values, intuition, awareness, self-knowledge, soul searching. I guess as many men are on here is how many different points of view there are on personal sexuality and identity.




Edited by EdfromNYC (01/28/12 05:19 PM)
_________________________
And more, much more, the heart may feel,
Than the pen may write or the lip reveal.
Winthrop Mackworth Praed

Top
#383733 - 01/28/12 05:58 PM Re: Why do I seek out men when not attracted to th [Re: 1lifenow]
westchesterguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/09
Posts: 421
Loc: Westchester County NY
Originally Posted By: 1lifenow
....But if you are truly aroused by an especially good looking man, then its about the attraction and the identity that is part of you....


i don't believe men, in this culture, understand what could trip an arousal by a good looking guy. the pressure is too great to ignore it - for ignoring or fighting "is cool," it is manly, strength, right, so says our societal norms.

what is the game of "gay chicken" all about...? the new popular fad with younger guys...who not only play but film it and post online for all to see. they can make out, get erect, and turn it all off with a simple laugh...'cause they aren't actually gay.

but what are they? if one doesn't agree to play he is "gay" and uncool.

are they just guys... who realize that men can indeed be turned on by any another living soul no matter which gender? or is it the middle finger to this whole society that oppresses male sexuality on purpose? or is it even more sinister... a way to control a guy who is gay or learn who was abused and who wasn't so they can avoid them in the future?


_________________________
Jeff

Top
#457442 - 12/26/13 05:21 PM Re: Why do I seek out men when not attracted to th [Re: roadrunner]
johndoe Offline


Registered: 11/15/13
Posts: 10
Loc: california
Originally Posted By: roadrunner
Guys,


Treadmill_Guy you seem to be talking about acting out - or thinking about acting out - when you say this:

Originally Posted By: treadmill_guy
I don't find men physically attractive. Women always draw my attention. But there is something about a man's penis that draws my interest and fantasies.


Part of the reason a survivor may feel this way has to do with control, as someone else has already said. As a boy you learned from abuse that you were helpless and powerless; the abuse involved loss of control. So in these fantasies you are creating scenarios were your control is restored.

You might ask why you would create a scenario in which you are still performing sexual acts reminiscent of the abuse. Again the answer lies in your youth. Abuse can leave a boy with no boundaries and feeling he is good only for what the abuser wants. Do you remember feeling like an empty shell with no "me" inside anymore?

You fantasize a sexual situation in which you are back in control, but the situation is one that reflects the negative feelings you learned as an abused boy.


It sends chills down my spine to read posts that hit home for me like this. Learning why I have the feelings and desires that I do I hope will help me in the healing process. This thread gives me enormous comfort knowing that I am not alone in these powerful impulses that i am experiencing. The last thing I want to do is ruin my marriage by going through with these impulses - and I have come very, very close on many occasions over the course of my marriage to giving in to these urges again.

Top
Page 7 of 7 < 1 2 3 4 5 6 7


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.