For me going to the adult book store was like a release of built-up feelings annoymously.
So I didn't have to deal with another person personally, or be committed.
I slowly have stop going, a little bit at a time.
As I had learned while growing up into an adult, my sex abuse tought me that sex is annoymous, not to feel and that everything was OK.
I know differently today.
I feel worthy after I treated someone else as a worthy person, to be personal with and make a commitment to myself and to her and them.
I know but I didn't feel as if, healing takes time, like my abuse happen over time and undoing the things that I have learned will take time. I still have to keep learning today, even after thirty-five years.
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