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#173355 - 08/15/07 12:37 AM Re: Cutting [Re: RICK57]
user2007 Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/13/07
Posts: 346
Thank you so much for welcoming me, guys. I feel exausted for being fighting all alone for all of this time. It's the first time I say what I do to myself to anyone. No one in here would even try to understand. They'd probably just put me in a mental institution. Thanks for caring even without knowing me, you don't know how it's helping me...

I'll really try harder and do the things you taught me.

Thanks,
J.

_________________________
"Yes, I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by
All this pavement"

~ John Mayer



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#173358 - 08/15/07 01:04 AM Re: Cutting [Re: user2007]
Maxx Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/17/07
Posts: 43
Loc: Ohio
First, welcome to MS.

Second, you're not alone. You're the first first person I've seen to bring up this subject (I've only been here a little over a month). I've got a mass of scars on my left wrist that are twenty years old. When I was cutting myself, I never cut myself enough to kill myself (although that was on my mind), just enough to see blood. The overwhelming feeling at the time was to punish myself. I tried beating myself with a whip, but it wasn't as satisfying. I wanted to see blood. I wanted to kill myself, but couldn't. I showed one of my friends at the time the open wounds on my wrist at the time because she saw the blood in my bathtub and she freaked out. I haven't told anyone since.

A few years ago, I started cutting myself again. I'd been unemployed for a few years and wanted to die (again). I'm currently unemployed and have the urge again, but have resisted.

I guess that what I'm saying is that you're not alone (and neither am I).

Maxx

_________________________
Shackled by guilt I did not create
No absolutions, no paroles or escapes.
Swallow it down, do whatever it takes to get by...

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#173390 - 08/15/07 09:01 AM Re: Cutting [Re: Maxx]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5780
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
Especially for the newer guys here...

Check out http://www.malesurvivor.org/ArchivedPages/singer2.html

It may help you anticipate cutting or other self-harm episodes and take positive action instead of something that controls you.

Ken


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#173422 - 08/15/07 12:03 PM Re: Cutting [Re: Aidanchase]
patch22 Offline
New Here

Registered: 07/24/07
Posts: 25
Loc: Ireland
Here's another way. Find a bunch of nettles and stick some inside your clothes - under socks / inside shirt / inside pants. If anyone sees the rashes you can just say you fell info nettles when you were out for a walk.

I've never felt particularly guilty about doing this - no serious damage to me, and nobody's ever found out. I have stopped it though, even though I feel the urge sometimes. Partly, I laugh at myself - fancy being in love with a bunch of f-ing nettles! Mainly though it's a sort of self-test, just to prove to myself that I can get by without doing it.

Guess that all sounds a bit crazy!

_________________________
A dog is a man's best therapist

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#173446 - 08/15/07 01:21 PM Re: Cutting [Re: Maxx]
user2007 Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/13/07
Posts: 346
Originally Posted By: Maxx

I showed one of my friends at the time the open wounds on my wrist at the time because she saw the blood in my bathtub and she freaked out. I haven't told anyone since.


That's what I'm afraid of the most. What will it happen if someone discovers? I don't know what they could think or do.


And patch, I don't think it sounds crazy. You gave me another idea.

_________________________
"Yes, I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by
All this pavement"

~ John Mayer



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#173524 - 08/15/07 07:38 PM Re: Cutting [Re: user2007]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
burnt my arm with cigarettes............for some reason -------------i am proud of the scars


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#174491 - 08/20/07 11:40 AM Re: Cutting [Re: RICK57]
kellygtx Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/11/07
Posts: 412
Loc: Texas, USA
J-

I did cut myself for over 35 years. For me it was a rush to just feel something. I could not talk with anyone about the abuse or about cutting myself. It was just another reason to isolate. Catch 22 - to talk hurt too much and to cut (more shame and guilt) made the talking hurt even more so I did not talk and cut more and the sick cycle continued.

But I, like you, have to take control and stop. A T can help a great deal and I have heard but do not have first hand knowledge of medication that can help. I am free of this for the 1st time in 35 years and have been for about 8 months - and I can speak 1st hand about what it is like not to be hounded by thoughts to hurt ones self.

_________________________
I bid you Peace.

Kelly

The time is always NOW. Breath In. Breath Out. Move On.

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#174497 - 08/20/07 12:15 PM Re: Cutting [Re: kellygtx]
seekingblue Offline
New Here

Registered: 08/17/07
Posts: 14
Hi J_McCormick,

I'm new here too. I never cut myself but I did bang my head against concrete walls and punch my legs with my fists. I still do it when I get really stressed out. I just wanted to add my voice to those who already spoke. You're not alone in this.

SB

_________________________
The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of because words diminish your feelings - words shrink things that seem timeless when they are in your head to no more than living size when they are brought out. ~Stephen King

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#174526 - 08/20/07 05:14 PM Re: Cutting [Re: seekingblue]
user2007 Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/13/07
Posts: 346
Kelly, my reason to do this is just like that if I cant hurt the people who did this to me then Ill hurt myself. Because I am to blame for these feelings I have. I already tried anything I could to stop this, but it seems like its just like drugs. It became an addiction in my life that I cant control.

SB, actually I already hit my head in the wall too, but it was only once because I couldnt sleep.

_________________________
"Yes, I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by
All this pavement"

~ John Mayer



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#174762 - 08/21/07 06:01 PM Re: Cutting [Re: user2007]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Julian,

Originally Posted By: J_McCormick
my reason to do this is just like that if I cant hurt the people who did this to me then Ill hurt myself. Because I am to blame for these feelings I have. I already tried anything I could to stop this, but it seems like its just like drugs. It became an addiction in my life that I cant control.


Have a look at the article Ken has linked to above. It is possible to stop this kind of behavior, and of course for all kinds of reasons it's a good idea to give it a try.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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