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#1727 - 08/21/02 11:27 PM New and wondering...
GD Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/21/02
Posts: 5
Loc: Stanford University
I saw this forum and I wanted to ask for some advice. I was abused my babysitter when I was age 4-6. I've just learned to be okay enough that I was comfortable with the idea of testifying against her, (I am now 20)but its hard to find her. Would the police help me track her down or would I have to get a private detective or something. My parents don't want to help. Do you guys have any advice from experiences taking abusers to court?


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#1728 - 08/21/02 11:58 PM Re: New and wondering...
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
You can use some of the online investigative services. I don't remember what I have used in the past but do a search for "missing person" or something along that line and then check out the links.

A few years ago, I was trying to locate my grandmother because I didn't know where she was or how to get in touch with her. I knew her name and a town she had lived in. The online search place was able to locate current address and phone information for me. There is a lot of online stuff that may help in this.

You may want to contact the attorney general of your state as well and see if they can help you. I did that just to hopefully protect other kids from my dad and brother.

Don

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#1729 - 08/22/02 12:27 AM Re: New and wondering...
GD Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/21/02
Posts: 5
Loc: Stanford University
Problem is I don't remember her last name and my parents won't help so its a really random bunch of info that I have about her. I almost think it would take government reasources to find her, employment records, immigration etc. Attorney General's office you think? Not just police? I don't know anything about this kind of thing... \:\(


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#1730 - 08/22/02 02:55 PM Re: New and wondering...
SoCalJohn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California
GD,

With just a first name, that is a tough one, do you know where she lived? maybe you could check the real estate records and find out who owned the house, maybe it was her parents, you might get a last name that way.

As far as reporting your abuse and getting any kind of satisfaction from the courts, all i can say is it is a very difficult, long, sometimes very painful, frustratiing process and the end results i dont think ever leave anyone feeling much beyond drained at the best and far worse when things dont go as one would hope. It is a very tough road to go under the very best of circumstances. I suppose the first step would be getting an attorney interested that was willing to help get the details you need and find her....

I hope your getting some therapy for the issues that come out of being abused at that age.

I wish you well, and i am glad you found us. Feel free to come back and keep talking, if anything helps i know keeping the talking going does.

Best of luck to you with all your dealing with,,

John

_________________________
I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.

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#1731 - 08/22/02 03:09 PM Re: New and wondering...
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
\:\)
Hi GD,

It is inspiring to me that a young man just 20 has the courage and determination you have. God bless you Kid!

I would check with the folks at the Center For Missing and Exploited Children. Write that name in a search engine and you will get their url. I have it and will send it to you but I don't think I can access it while writting this to you.

GD, was your baby sitter a high school kid or an adult. It you know her age approximately, and with her first name, you could check through the local high school year books to see her picture. If she was older that would not work

It is an atrocity that you or any of us were harmed as a child. What we do know is that people who harm usually keep on harming. You are doing a wonderful, really heroic thing by trying to stop the abuse.

See what help you can find and keep coming back here and together we will figure something out.

As others have suggested though Lad, you need to tend to yourself. You can't heal from this on your own. Not too many therapists are real good at handling this type of trauma. But at the NOMSV home page you can go to a place that lists some therapists. If one is not real close to you , contact the closest one and ask if he or she knows someone near where you live.

Take care. We are your brothers and we love you.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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#1732 - 08/24/02 12:01 AM Re: New and wondering...
GD Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/21/02
Posts: 5
Loc: Stanford University
A few things:
About finding Maritza (I see no reason to protect her by not using her name) she was in her mid-twenties at the time so yearbooks are a no go. I know the town she lived in, that she was married and the rough ages of her two kids *shudder* that she was a proffesional nanny and that she immigrated legally from Chile. That narrows it down a lot and I'd recognize her by sight. But how to use that information. Can I even?

About therapy: I've had some already but I'm not really comfortable with one that answers to my parents, the one I had told on me when I was did drugs once and I can't trust him again, but my parents won't pay for another. I have money of my own but not a lot. Any advice there too? I feel like I need more but I can't let my parents know or they'll start trying to controll me more, cause I can't "handle things myself" or something.

And yes I'd love to post here more. You seem to have a good place here.

G.D.


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#1733 - 08/24/02 02:48 AM Re: New and wondering...
Roy Offline
Member

Registered: 08/02/02
Posts: 184
Loc: Los Angeles
As for the therapy part, investigate what is available to you through the student health center at Stanford. I'm almost certain you can get counseling at no or very low cost. They will do an intake evaluation to determine what your issues are and then assign you to an appropriate counselor who may be a graduate intern, but that's ok, they are supervised by licensed psychotherapists. If you go a few times and don't feel like there is a good rapport, speak up and ask to be reassigned. You may be asked to work things out with your counselor, which is fine, its all a learning experience. If things still don't work out, speak up again. They should have no problem getting you connected with someone else, though you may have to wait. This way, your parents don't even have to know about it. One more thing, when you inquire about counseling you may want to make a connection between the presenting problem and your ability to be a successful student (which is probably true anyway). Sometimes counseling centers have to justify the need for counseling for funding sources though this is probably less of an issue at a private university. Something to keep in mind to help you get what you need. ;\) Good luck!


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#1734 - 08/25/02 10:30 AM Re: New and wondering...
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
GD:

I'm new here too, and I welcome you. You ask a good question that, tho I'm not interested in pursuing right now (and I know exactly where my main perp is), I may be sometime. The answers were helpful too. Thanks.

Peace

Wuame

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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