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#173519 - 08/15/07 07:28 PM Re: picture [Re: endlessjourney]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Trevor,

Your post is so powerful, dude. I don't know if I'm going to say the right thing here, but I'm going to try.

I found a picture of myself when I was four about three weeks ago. It consumed me. I lost a half a day to the agony the picture filled me with. I didn't know the emotion at the time. In fact, until I read your post, I still didn't know why I felt so much pain looking at my picture.

I made a half dozen copies of that picture, and I put them in the places I frequent the most. One is at my desk at work, one is in my car. One is taped beside the computer monitor I'm working at now. I really didn't know why I did it at the time. I just felt it was important.

After reading this post, I think a lot of it makes sense. I'm looking at this smiling little kid who looks like not a thing is wrong in the entire world, and the only thing I can think right now is, "why don't you fucking do something!!!!"

I was four years old, dude. I couldn't do anything. I was fucking four.

That pic is now my avatar. I ask you, what do you see when you look at him? Do you see a worthless little kid who is worthy of my wrath? Do you see someone who looks like he is capable of standing up to the abuse that is coming from the only person in his life that he truly loves?

Thank you for your post, Tevor.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#173528 - 08/15/07 07:47 PM Re: picture [Re: BJK]
Lazarus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/01/07
Posts: 851
Loc: Below the radar, USA
Trevor, Bryan;

I'm with you guys. This thread has had a powerful, positive impact on me. Thanks for being here!

Lazarus

_________________________
"That which does not kill us, surely makes us stonger." - Neitsche

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#173622 - 08/16/07 07:49 AM Re: picture [Re: BJK]
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
Originally Posted By: BJK

I'm looking at this smiling little kid who looks like not a thing is wrong in the entire world, and the only thing I can think right now is, "why don't you fucking do something!!!!"
what do you see when you look at him? Do you see a worthless little kid who is worthy of my wrath? Do you see someone who looks like he is capable of standing up to the abuse that is coming from the only person in his life that he truly loves?


thats kinda wat bothers me.
wen i look at my pic i can see theres
something wrong its so fucking obvius
i dont undrstand why anybody who knew
me back then didnt notice an it makes
me feel like maybe theydid notice but
they just didnt give a shit. so its not
just me saying why didnt u fucking do
something its me wondring why nobody did
anything. nobody even askd. no ur picture
dont look like a kid whos worthless he just
looks like a regulr kid that should a been
treated rite.

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

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#173623 - 08/16/07 07:52 AM Re: picture [Re: endlessjourney]
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
Originally Posted By: endlessjourney
This guy was no friend or role model but I believed it at the time because he tricked me into thinking that because I was just a young naive little boy. Can you see where I'm coming from? I had no idea how much damage he was doing to me.


ya i get wat ur saying.
like at first erik (stepbrother) the fat ugly
prick that he is, was my hero. like he was
oldr and him an his frends were all realy cool
to me cuz they could do shit that i couldnt do
so like i would do anything for him so i could
hang w them and be included in things

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

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#173624 - 08/16/07 07:53 AM Re: picture [Re: Trevor]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
The little kid in my picture looks like there is nothing wrong, but when I look at him, I see nothing but pain.

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

Top
#173626 - 08/16/07 08:03 AM Re: picture [Re: BJK]
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
ya i get that

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

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#173628 - 08/16/07 08:12 AM Re: picture [Re: Trevor]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
when i look at the few pics i have of me as a kid ,the first thing i think is how did that kid grow up to be me? he looks ok but what the fuck? i cant put the two together that kid could not have ever been me! second is i start to get pissed off ,thinking how?how the fuck could anybody hurt that little kid? then i go to why ?why that kid why not somebody else ? i think the pics create lots of questions that dont have answers .

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#173629 - 08/16/07 08:20 AM Re: picture [Re: shadowkid]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Funny to look at pictures sometimes...I can see it in my face...what happenned...if I wasnt aware that my picture was being taken. If i knew it was being taken I looked perfectly normal.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#173645 - 08/16/07 10:06 AM Re: picture [Re: pain4ever]
buzz_key Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/07
Posts: 635
Loc: USA
trevor, i struggle with the same question you have about "why didn't someone notice the change in me and take SOME action?" - i don't even look at pictures of me after the abuse happened - i only like to look at the ones before- although that sometimes makes me even sadder, case i WAS so happy before it started. my avatar is from before it started.
i understand what you're going through, you are in my prayers.


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#173664 - 08/16/07 01:24 PM Re: picture [Re: buzz_key]
jaybee Offline
New Here

Registered: 07/31/07
Posts: 25
Loc: Florida
i sometimes dont know how any of you survived. im not sure how i did, but i'm here. my pic? like someone else. i dont know him.
as they years get older, i get more familliar...until 29. then it all goes backwards again. i see pics of me now and go... who the f***? it's only from 23-29 that i know who i am. before and after i become so estranged it's... baffling. jeff/jb/beach

_________________________
3+7+11+13+19+25+39/9-4 yep, were all somewhere...

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