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#173416 - 08/15/07 11:42 AM Re: picture [Re: Trevor]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
its not his fault any more than its yours dude, dont be ashamed,the only one that kids got is you dont let him down

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#173444 - 08/15/07 01:16 PM Re: picture [Re: shadowkid]
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
ugh WHATEVER

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

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#173461 - 08/15/07 02:53 PM Re: picture [Re: Trevor]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Trevor,

Originally Posted By: Trevor
its more like im mad
at him. wen i look at the picture.
its hard to xplain


Yep, I can imagine how you feel, and when I was your age I felt a lot the same way. My big thing was looking in a mirror, though. I hated seeing that guy in the mirror.

What I later learned, Trev, is that what I was doing was just believing all those bad feelings I had in my heart about myself. Eventually I learned that those feelings were all false. It's easy to be mad at the kid in the photo, for example, if you think, as you say, that he let everything happen. But did that kid have real choices? How was he supposed to make it stop? Say no? Would that have worked? Tell someone? Such as who, for example?

I know you don't see this now, and I understand why you feel as you do. But one day you will realize that when these things happened you were just an innocent kid. It wasn't your job to know how to get rid of abusers any more than it was your job to know how to drive.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#173471 - 08/15/07 03:13 PM Re: picture [Re: roadrunner]
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
so wat was my job then?

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

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#173482 - 08/15/07 04:26 PM Re: picture [Re: Trevor]
hideout Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/09/07
Posts: 84
Loc: michigan
that picture of you looks so sad and lost for a reason
now its your turn to try to tell that little boy that everything is aloright


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#173483 - 08/15/07 04:30 PM Re: picture [Re: Trevor]
MemoryVault Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
Originally Posted By: Trevor
so wat was my job then?


To survive long enough to become an adult. That's all. He did his job.


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#173497 - 08/15/07 05:59 PM Re: picture [Re: Trevor]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Trev,

Originally Posted By: Trevor
so wat was my job then?


A young boy's "jobs" include things like walking the dog, taking out the trash, washing up dishes after dinner, cleaning up his room - things like that.

Boys don't have "jobs" when it comes to facing abusers and their lies, tricks and cruelty. They don't know what to do or who to talk to, and many times they don't even understand what's happening to them.

But David is right. The kid you were back then deserves a lot of respect for his courage and will to live. I think you know how many times an abused boy considers suicide. I had mine all planned out by the time I was 12. But somehow I decided to continue. So did you.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#173501 - 08/15/07 06:15 PM Re: picture [Re: roadrunner]
hideout Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/09/07
Posts: 84
Loc: michigan
i was too afriad to kill myself when i was younger


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#173504 - 08/15/07 06:19 PM Re: picture [Re: Trevor]
endlessjourney Offline
Member

Registered: 11/01/05
Posts: 518
Loc: Cincinnati Ohio
Trevor,

This was an interesting post. I just went and found a picture of myself when I was 8 and being abused. I used to hate that picture. My perp was also in that picture. I like the kid I see in that picture now and I see my brother "the perp" as powerless and defeated. Hm,I guess that shows I've came a long way. Perhaps, you could continue with your recovery and maybe look at that picture a couple months down the road and see if your perspective of that little boy has changed. If it is, maybe that'll tell you that things are getting better.

Trevor, another thing is that you are mad at yourself for "letting" your abuse happen to you. Young boys do not have the capability of thinking like we do. A childs mind is no match for a mind of an adult and those perps can easily manipulate young children. I wasn't physically forced and raped. I was manipulated.

When I was 5, my father died and one of my perps was his best friend. He was the closest thing I had to a father figure or so I thought. The guy took me out and did all the things with me that my father could no longer do because he was dead. Well, this guy sexually abused me and I let him do it because I was affraid I would loose his "friendship" if I didn't. That's also why I didn't tell anyone. All boys need a role model. This guy was no friend or role model but I believed it at the time because he tricked me into thinking that because I was just a young naive little boy. Can you see where I'm coming from? I had no idea how much damage he was doing to me. A child can't comprehend the effects of pain caused by sexual abuse.

You're a great person Trevor. You're brave and strong. Maybe it would help to think about why your mad at that little boy in that picture. Maybe, there's someone else from those days that you could be mad at. Just something to think about. Stay strong man!

Jason

_________________________
Truth is the very reason we strive to live. It surrounds and resides within us. Accepting the truths we already know and seeking out those we do not is a direct path to inner balance and joy. For life is not a means to an end, but a journey. Life comes and goes but the truth will always live on.

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#173515 - 08/15/07 07:22 PM Re: picture [Re: endlessjourney]
froggy12 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/06
Posts: 527
Loc: Marlboro, MA 01752
Trevor,

IS this why you have the Tasmanian Devil (aka 'Tazzie') as your logo/avatar? Growl, spit, bite among other things are what they do, but that's not you. Not I the guy I've met here. Even if you did do all the above, so what? You gotta get pissed and let it out. I know you can do that because you already have. Keep it up!

froggy

_________________________
??

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