.

welcome J mccormick

i know the feeling of that, i dont cut myself no but i have done other things like that, to see blood or just plain hurt myself
i feel like i deserve it, and i do it for that reason

i used to.
hey i dont usualy reply to stuff here
cuz i dont know much about stuff really but
i askd my shrink something about this an he
sed its cuz i nevr learnd how to deal with stress
like the rite way and cuz it makes me feel like
im in control for once but realy i think i did
it cuz it made me ffeel like im a real
person an not jus a thing u know? or sometimes
cuz im pissed at myself so its like i punish
myself an sometimes it just hurts 2 much
inside so i hafto let it out.
i dont do it anymore
they put me on medicine
it made me feel bettr and made me so i
can control feelings bettr
hope that helped

Its called "Self-Harm" and although it has the obvious physical dangers there are a group of survivors who choose to do it. Sometimes we were told again and again we were bad and Cutting or hitting ourselves is how our mind has adapted to deal with that. For others they say that it calms them down. Really there are as many reasons people SH as there are stories of survivors.

However there are other ways of getting relaxed, releasing anger, even seeing "blood" in a non harmful way.

Examples

For anger you can punch a pillow scream into it scream out loud even if you have to. If you do it long enough it will probably even tire you out and calm you down. Art try to draw or color out your thoughts and anger sometimes it doesn't even have to be a shape just a mess of colors.

Still not enough.. Have an elastic around your wrist during the day when you have this urge to hurt yourself snap the elastic on your wrist its not life threatening and besides some redness no lasting marks will form. Another option is holding ice cubes in your hand as long as possible it will hurt.. longer you hold the more it hurts again not life threatening and no lasting marks.

Blood it isn't uncommon in people who Self Harm to get what is almost a "rush" at the sight of blood some things you can do are draw on your arm with red pen where you would want to see blood to represent it then take a sponge dip it in red food coloring and water next "slash" at your arm with the sponge how you would hold something sharp watching the food coloring run down your arm.

Self-Harm if done for a longer period of time can become addictive people even start doing it because they feel they need it even if non of the reasons for starting this behavior are present. If its at this point you may want to refer to a therapist in your area. They will be able to give you more solutions that can take you away from Self-Harm.

I am as I am sure others are here to support you bud. However SH is a very serious thing and we can be here when your down and need to talk but I would feel more comfortable if its getting serious that you have someone in real life watching over you in this process of healing. You can do it I believe in you!

I used to cut and beat myself so i would not be as fearful about going to school or work, if that makes any sense

i usually didnt hurt myself but i got into unwinnable fights to punish myself

J.,

Welcome to Male Survivor and I hope you will look around and get used to the place. Here's a lot here for you and I know you will find the guys here supportive and understanding.

Trev hits just about all the reasons why a guy will cut. These are all coping strategies we learn as abused boys, and if they work they're kind of difficult to abandon.

Are you seeing a T? If so s/he can talk to you about this and help you find ways to stop.

Much love,
Larry

Just sent you a PM J.

I had never thought about this in this way before....

I only tried once, sometime just after the abuse stopped. I took one of my dad's open razors (a blade on each edge as they were in those days, not a safety razor). I went to the local wasteland, and tried to drag it across my leg. I didn't understand why I was doing it, and that hurt more than the slight cut I made on my leg. I blamed it on bramble bushes and never tried again.

My friends wife has lots of scars on her arms where she used to cut. She doesn't do it now. She was adopted, and later abused by an 'uncle'. After I disclosed, my friend once stuck us in a room together because he thought we could help each other. We didn't have to say anything, we just sat and looked at each other, and we just knew. I am to be godfather to their beautiful daughter soon!

Best wishes ...Rik