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#173213 - 08/14/07 12:26 PM On anger and frustration.(possibly triggering?)
Aidanchase Offline
Guest

Registered: 02/14/07
Posts: 83
Loc: Vancouver, BC
I was so frustrated and angry yesterday and it seemed even a little thing caused me to get more upset. For example talking to a friend on msn about an Anime convention costume with short sleeves... she made the comment ya but you have those marks on your arms. I got totally defensive and I usually dont. Another case was online I couldn't find the words to describe what was wrong which for me lately its trying to turn off the words for awhile.

Is it possible I am angry more frequently with others because I am repressing my SI and due to meds unable to control my eating how I would like limiting taking my anger out on myself. So instead I am directing it at the "world" Government, Doctors, Friends... When really I am not yelling at them at all I am yelling at mom?

There have been a few posts on anger lately maybe we as survivors have trouble directing our pain that we are just now starting to deal with and sometimes make mistakes by becoming frustrated or angry with people who of course don't deserve it.

I apologized to my friend and she said it as ok she understood that I was not actually mad at her. Although I cant help but be ashamed of it I just don't yell or get mad at others I am afraid to... that was a rule to never ask questions never talk back and thus never get angry.. thats why I started to take it all out on myself at 8.


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#173285 - 08/14/07 07:56 PM Re: On anger and frustration.(possibly triggering?) [Re: Aidanchase]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
I think you hit the nail on the head with both of your questions. If you used SI as a release for your anger, then you are bound to be looking for a release for your anger in other ways. However, I think it must be noted that there are other stimuli out there that can provoke anger, but I can relate to the possibility that getting angry over these little things is a result of bottled up anger that should be felt towards your mother. Last Sunday, a Subway employee let a little olive slice slip into a sub I ordered. I let it completely ruin my day. Today, someone took my last can of Diet Coke out of the refrigerator at work, and I had to muster all of my strength to keep from crying. Okay, so I finally made an appointment to see if I should be taking medication for depression (given my history of drug abuse, I really needed to be convinced of this), but I think the bottom line is the fact that I'm finally starting to feel anger, I'm directing it at the wrong source, and it is completely overwhelming me.

As much as I try, I just can't get myself to get mad at my mom. She groomed me to feel this way. I'm so afraid of hurting her, and even though I can logically work out why, the me inside isn't capable of grasping why that is so wrong.

You made a great post, Aidan. Thank you.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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