Everyone,
I had a back operation 3 weeks ago tomarrow and had been off work with back pain waiting for the operation for over a week. My back has always been screwed up since the abuse, I was forced..alot..into a position where I was setting down with my head forced between my knees and held like that for long times! Now with this consent pain in my back...I'm having flashbacks and bad dreams about this form of aduse and can't stand it much longer!!! I take meds for the pain but it is still there! When the meds ware off I start to flash...will most likely have to stay home for more that a month longer! How can I stop the flashbacks and dreams? It seens that as long as my back will hurt I'm doomed to this crap?

Eddie

getteddie-
I had flashbacks of pain and events, when my three teeth that needed pulled out because they were rotten, to the nerve's.
I think as a young boy, I have learned to stuff my feelings and when as an adult I've done the same, stuffing my feelings, to the point I had to do something different about it, other then stuffing my feelings.
So the pain from my teeth was so bad and the pain was almost the same as the pain I felt back as a boy, pain is pain, even from different areas.

Also when I had been burn with third degree burns on my upper body, I would hold up my right arm up because I thought that if I let my right arm down against my body right side, were I had been mostly burned, I thought my arm would stick to the open burn wounds, or hurt more.
After weeks, almost a month of holding my right arm at a fourty-five degree angel from my right side of my body, it be came stiff, in the way that I was holding it, because of my thinking.
Needless to say I had to have physcial thrapy, for working my right arm like it belongs to my side.

As a process to your healing, give your self time to heal and work some physcial thrapy a little at a time, and after you feel a little stronger, find something like work, a job or something, to help keep your mind off the pain in a health way.
What do I know, anyways, take care.
fmighell anc ak

[ December 18, 2001: Message edited by: fmighell ]

I think you should contact a professional who can help you handle the flashbacks.

Too much, Too much time on my hands...when I can't work with my hands my mind seems to wonder to bad places! My mean hobby is building my house bigger...can't do that for a long while...can't even bend-over! I was surprised today when I was at the post office and a $200 money blew away...I mean really away like 100' and still going...I was able to run it down...so I must be getting better!!! I do see an expert on dreams and flashbacks once a week...will go tomorrow. Well, I guess that most of us know that flashbacks stop or slow down when we remember them totally and have total recall of the subject that the flash is about...I remember this crap real good but I guess that I'm so bored that I just let them roll on! The dreams are another matter..they don't have to be real...The expert is trying to teach me to take note when a dream is taking place and try to change it? He is having me try to write down my dreams...like that is posible! The flashbacks are easy to remember and write down but the dreams are so screwed up...told him that I needed pain pills for the night so I wouldn't dream...He didn't say a thing..just looked at me like I was nuts! Called and told the Back doctor this today and he called in lots of pain pills to my drug store...I will see what happens tonight! Thanks for the replies...I thought that I was past this 6 months ago...guess that I'm still all screwed up!

Eddie

getteddie-
Pain pills are great at numming pain, it toke me a month to go with out pain pills, when I was released from the hospital, before I was somewhat able to function, in the world.
Recall and flashbacks of events in my life, to me are like science fiction;

= discoveries and developments from an element of plot or background and possibilities.

1964 I was ten years old and my family had just moved to a new house in Denver, 1964 is also the first modern child abuse reporting law was passed in one state, of all of the U.S.A., within five years after, every state had passed a reporting law.

1968 I have flashes of using a band-aid to cover a latch whole of the door jamb, so the office door can close but not lock, then the police can catch George having his way with me, red handed, cought in the act.
When the police rush in to grab him, to take him away to the police car, out in the parking lot out side, I had fallen to the floor and coverd over by the desk pushing me off to the side, while the police wrestle with George to go quickly, but it toke four of them to do it.
After the group made it's way out of the building, I fallowed behind at a distance, and was looking for a Social Service Worker, with whom I had never set my eyes on before, not knowing who I was looking for.
I found this elderly lady with a London fog rain coat and a hand bag haging from her sholder, and ask her who she was.
She interduce herself to me and I ask her for her I.D. while she extened her hand for a hand shake, and as I shoke her hand I told her my name and that things were not as the seem. Then she handed me her wallet out for me to read her I.D. in her hand.
I then grab the nearest policeman walking by a anounce out loud so as everyone in ear shot can hear me and said...

and that this lady had custody of me.

fmighell anc ak

Telling my story helps sometimes, I do not do it often. I wish the past did not have to effect me in a negitive way.

I am strugling with how I see myself as a person. Too much has happened, and I wonder if I will ever learn to love all of me.

I am still scared at 39. I am also sad a lot lately. I do not see the growth, even though I know I am making progress. I just want things to get better.