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#172507 - 08/10/07 07:54 PM Re: Anybody afraid? [Re: Dewey2k]
Danbuff Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 249
Loc: NY state
Dewey,
Yes you are correct, we are all entitled to opinions. I hate when that opinion feels insensitive...that is my point . As we all have opinions, all of us also have sensitivities. I chose to try and offer insight more than my opinion. It is actually a little of both. But no harm intended to anyone. I respect that people (myself included) can have certain opinions. Sometimes those opinions are not necessarily supportive or with understanding. I don't think anyone intended to be insensitive but it is always worth trying to enlighten people who assume we chose to be gay. You seem to get my point and I say thank you.
Dan

_________________________
When you stumble, make it part of the dance.

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#172523 - 08/10/07 08:52 PM Re: Anybody afraid? [Re: Danbuff]
Aidanchase Offline
Guest

Registered: 02/14/07
Posts: 83
Loc: Vancouver, BC
Originally Posted By: Danbuff
Originally Posted By: roadrunner
Jafo,

I'm not gay so I can't answer your question, but I'd like to assure you that you will be respected and understood here by all the Male Survivor community. I'm glad you found us and I hope the site will be able to help you.

Much love,
Larry


I have hope that there is that respect and understanding Larry however, I have not found that to be universally true here...Someone made the remark in chat that gay people choose to be gay...I was blown away by that and I will always try to let people know I did not choose this. In fact, who would choose to be the brunt of jokes, and want to take on stereotypes? I am sure it was no choice to be heterosexual.I wonder if there may be some residual anger and resentment in attitudes especially if some makes were abused by males. That is understandable, but it is a blanket assumption that may be occuring. I am trying to find a place to accept that people do not have to embrace gay people or agreee with someones sexuality... I just have a problem with that kind of comment. I am not that assured but I still think this is a wonderful place regardless and all we can try to do is support and nurture one another in spite of our differences.
Peace to all...
Dan


because this is about me I thought I would comment. This is being taken completely incorrectly and your anger is unjustified. I thought about this a bit because myself and others in chat thought this comment might come up again. In no way was I trying to be nasty towards you i just had lack of another word.. I say the word choose in the same context I would say it to a straight person It was not ment to be offensive...

In counter what I dont understand is why some members of the gay community in general not just on MS feel they need to still yell? I use the example of the past where women demanded equal rights and for the most part are accepted and have them now in society yet some women continue to yell and fight?? for what exactly is my confusing? I guess if i look back how i see it I was just commenting like your just a normal guy in my eyes but your yelling and you did use caps lock which is yelling online at me for accepting you?


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#172529 - 08/10/07 09:36 PM Re: Anybody afraid? [Re: Aidanchase]
Danbuff Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 249
Loc: NY state
Aidan, At no time did I yell I said "BEING GAY IS NOT A CHOICE" yes in caps for emphasis, that was the only part in caps. I have never said a off remark or yell on this sight. It was to make a point. It is my goal to be supportive of all. If you read any posts in here occasionally someone will uses caps to make a point and it is in no way yelling. I stand by my word. There is no anger here, however it is certainly frustrating . Hopefully this can be the end of this and we all walk away a little more informed. My point is made on my behalf as well as other gay people who do not feel welcomed because of insensitive remarks even if not intended. I will always respond... as well I should. Look back at the beginning of this thread...it says is anyone afraid. The question came up with a reason because there is a lot on the line for just being who you are when you are gay.
Dan

_________________________
When you stumble, make it part of the dance.

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#172536 - 08/10/07 09:58 PM Re: Anybody afraid? [Re: Danbuff]
Aidanchase Offline
Guest

Registered: 02/14/07
Posts: 83
Loc: Vancouver, BC
Generally online caps is taken as yelling I apologize for the confusing.I apologize I have stepped on a forbidden conversation it seems which is unfortunate. I just wish the borders would fall down.. I wish sexuality didn't separate people especially here and I believe everyone including me is very accepting so accepting I don't even think twice its a "whatever" sorta thing in my head no one should tell someone else how to live there life nor should they argue it.. thats just how I feel.

to sum up what I mean let me rephrase your final sentence "because there is a lot on the line for just being who you are when you are a male survivor."

I guess the reason I continue this discussion is based partially on how something was worded a few posts higher sating that "people need to be enlightened" I took this offensively it makes me feel small little and insignificant if someone in real life tells me there enlightening me they are usually angry and I want to find the closest door to slam in there face. Maybe this is just blowing up and getting out of hand on both sides maybe not. I guess I'm done and will retreat again.. apperently I dont post often but it always seems to what I like to think of as a purpose.. and I am just standing up for myself dont take it as any more then that.

probably best continued in PM as this thread seems to be way off topic now. although i dont have much else to say. said my peace i guess



Edited by Aidanchase (08/10/07 10:02 PM)

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#172539 - 08/10/07 10:37 PM Re: Anybody afraid? [Re: Aidanchase]
Danbuff Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 249
Loc: NY state
Aidan,
Thank you, apology accepted and I in no way meant to imply that you are insignificant. Not at all. You are articulate and you do sound caring. Lets leave it at that.

Yes, people need to be enlightened about a lot of things and that includes me. I hope I never stop learning. I appreciate that we could quickly come to terms and put closure on this...
Be at peace. No hard feelings and I hope it it mutual. Life is too short.

Peace,
Dan

_________________________
When you stumble, make it part of the dance.

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#172544 - 08/10/07 10:54 PM Re: Anybody afraid? [Re: Danbuff]
Aidanchase Offline
Guest

Registered: 02/14/07
Posts: 83
Loc: Vancouver, BC
hehe definatly mutual friend!


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#172960 - 08/13/07 10:25 AM Re: Anybody afraid? [Re: Aidanchase]
cbfull Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/07
Posts: 386
Loc: Ohio
Aidenchase,

I agree, I wish sexuality didn't separate us.

I wish "gay" could go back to meaning only "happy" like it did many, many years ago and not this modern construct that most of society is not even comfortable acknowledging as a valid lifestyle.

Oh well. No use crying over spilled stereotypes.

_________________________
Craig

Guilt and shame have never done any of us any good at all.

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#174205 - 08/18/07 09:27 PM Re: Anybody afraid? [Re: Scoutvictim]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
i use to be afrade about getting old by myself-----------------------but any more -to hell with it-------------i am by myself------------------and will be-------------so what ever happens-----------------will happen----------------steve


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#174878 - 08/22/07 03:06 AM Re: Anybody afraid? [Re: sabata]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
i just dont care anymore


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#197568 - 01/01/08 05:34 PM Re: Anybody afraid? [Re: JAFO]
Danbuff Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 249
Loc: NY state
Hi again, based on your quote below I will comment and hope it helps.
Quote:
That doesn't do anything about the terror I feel surrounding everything that has to do with being gay, from finding a man to live my life with to sex.

I understand the fear and concern of being discovered and how it interferes with being in a relationship as well as having sex. When I came out it was a weight off my shoulders and a huge relief. Acceptance then was on who did or did not respect me. It made things clearer because I was now honest and so were the reactions. Learning to be comfortable with sexual identity is not easy for many of us because of society and culture. I guess when we accept who we are, we live more freely without fear and hiding. I think you intellectually get that but it is emotionally hard to accept. This is a struggle yes but I persoanlly believe it is a choice. At least for me. I chose to be open about my sexuality and let the dust settle after I came out. Now I don't give a rats ass if people know I am gay. I am so much more than that as are you.

As for the sexual stuff, all I can say is my second relationship was with a guy who worshiped, adored and insecurely loved me. He was my trigger and opened up wounds of past CSA. That was in 1991. My abilty to be at ease sexually has never been right since that time.I think because he was emotionally involved with me on some level he reminded me of the abuse because supposedly my family loved me too. My abuse was incest with a brother and a father. So my point is once we recall the sexual trauma, sex becomes awkward, and at times a nightmare. At least that is my experience. The only time sex has been okay is when I helped get someone off and abused myself without self-respect. The after burn was just that. It burned me with shame and remorse and sadly still does. I am working on it more than ever before. I need to understand all of my emotions and behaviors and all of the triggers.

Sorry for the long answer,I wanted to be as clear as I can be in the interest of helping you. If I have then I have achieved my goal. I wish you success. Love yourself first and to hell with what others think. You live your life and pay your way...they don't pay your bills or walk in your shoes.
Peace, Dan

_________________________
When you stumble, make it part of the dance.

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