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#171745 - 08/07/07 05:31 PM Anybody afraid?
JAFO Offline
New Here

Registered: 07/15/07
Posts: 6
Anyone here who is gay afraid of being gay?


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#171747 - 08/07/07 05:52 PM Re: Anybody afraid? [Re: JAFO]
Scoutvictim Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/04/07
Posts: 434
Loc: St. Louis, Missouri
My fear was not of being gay, it was based in the acceptance of others. I feared being cut off from the world I knew, but guess what? The straight world is not the only option. I found that once I discovered an accepting world, where gay was not wrong, I could eliminate the fear.

Many men who fear being gay try and live a lie. This will create a feeling of self-hatred, which will eat away at your self esteem. As we all know, our self esteem is already wounded, so this additional stress just makes our lives harder to control.

It can be worked through, you just have to begin to understand yourself.

Good Luck.

Carl

_________________________
Shawn and Ben will always be in my heart....

Happiness is like peeing your pants; Everyone can see it, but only YOU feel the warmth.

Peebles, Ohio WOR alumni, Oct. 2007

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#171756 - 08/07/07 07:08 PM Re: Anybody afraid? [Re: Scoutvictim]
Danbuff Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 249
Loc: NY state
I used to live in fear that I would be discovered. I am basically very masculine, but declared my sexuality on July 1, 1991. It was freeing. I do not wear it on my sleeve or rub in your face. I am so much more than gay, I am so much more than a victim... I am a survivor. So are you. I hope it helps.

Best wishes,
Dan

_________________________
When you stumble, make it part of the dance.

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#171774 - 08/07/07 08:00 PM Re: Anybody afraid? [Re: Danbuff]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jafo,

I'm not gay so I can't answer your question, but I'd like to assure you that you will be respected and understood here by all the Male Survivor community. I'm glad you found us and I hope the site will be able to help you.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#171788 - 08/07/07 08:33 PM Re: Anybody afraid? [Re: roadrunner]
JAFO Offline
New Here

Registered: 07/15/07
Posts: 6
I'm gay, but I'm afraid of being gay. I don't know what being gay means, beyond being attracted to males. I know what the stereotypes are. I'm not into casual sex, or anonymous sex. I want a long term relationship, but I don't know how to find a friend who's gay much less a partner.

I live in the gayest part of the country and I don't know HOW to be gay.


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#171805 - 08/07/07 09:19 PM Re: Anybody afraid? [Re: JAFO]
Scoutvictim Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/04/07
Posts: 434
Loc: St. Louis, Missouri
JAFO,

Well, you have hit on it already. Being gay means "being attracted to males".

It's that simple, all the rest is based on your personality, wants and dreams. Don't let anyone tell you what to be or how to act. If you want to be a gay firefighter, cowboy or anything else, just go for it. You don't have to "know HOW" to be gay. You are you, and that is how you are "GAY". Just be yourself and don't worry what anyone else thinks.

Now, I have one other question for you.

What are you afraid of? (Be a little more specific please)

I'll keep watching this thread, and if I can share more I will.

TTYL
Carl

_________________________
Shawn and Ben will always be in my heart....

Happiness is like peeing your pants; Everyone can see it, but only YOU feel the warmth.

Peebles, Ohio WOR alumni, Oct. 2007

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#171809 - 08/07/07 09:41 PM Re: Anybody afraid? [Re: Scoutvictim]
TNuss Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/28/06
Posts: 202
Loc: Del-A-Ware???
I'm living a lie, because I'm afraid of being alone if I were to come out and live my life openly gay.

Good luck to you. You are amoungst friends here.

_________________________
All my best!!!

In harmony,
Troy
________________________________________________________
I hug myself daily until the day I find the embrace that completes me.

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#171810 - 08/07/07 09:42 PM Re: Anybody afraid? [Re: JAFO]
Lazarus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/01/07
Posts: 851
Loc: Below the radar, USA
JAFO,

I know how nerve-wracking it can be, especially if you haven't come out yet. But let me tell you that coming out was the best, most heartwarming thing I've done in a long, long time. Everybody accepts me, nobody looks down or disrespects me. Attitudes have changed a lot in the last decade.

Forget the stereotypes! They don't apply anymore. Gay men are not effiminate hair dressers any more. We are businessmen, sportsmen, hard working, donw-to-earth guys just like every other guy next door. Some of us even have kids, like me. Many of us are in long term relationships and aren't circuit bois.

So just be yourself! That's what a gay man does. They do the same things every other man does. One of my bisexual friends says the only difference between sex with a man and sex with a woman, is that a guy has a handle to turn him over with! LOL

Relax. You'll figure it out. We can help if you have any specific questions.

Good luck!

Ric

_________________________
"That which does not kill us, surely makes us stonger." - Neitsche

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#171816 - 08/07/07 09:54 PM Re: Anybody afraid? [Re: Lazarus]
Scoutvictim Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/04/07
Posts: 434
Loc: St. Louis, Missouri
Ric,

My friends call it a "kick stand". LMAO \:D

Carl

_________________________
Shawn and Ben will always be in my heart....

Happiness is like peeing your pants; Everyone can see it, but only YOU feel the warmth.

Peebles, Ohio WOR alumni, Oct. 2007

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#171905 - 08/08/07 09:36 AM Re: Anybody afraid? [Re: Scoutvictim]
Nate Offline
Guest

Registered: 04/30/07
Posts: 94
Loc: Philadelphia, PA
that's perfectly normal.

i used to feel like jean grey from xmen - scared of her full potential b/c she had no idea what she'd become. i looked at the community at large...rather how the media portrays it.. i was disgusted.. and well i was different. through time i saw that i don't have to go crazy, be a whore, drug addict, or alcoholic,

i can be me.. and i can be gay. make sense?

don't worry jean grey - you won't loose control.

_________________________
"Love the moment. Flowers grow out of dark moments. Therefore, each moment is vital. It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each, is to succeed."

- Corita Kent

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