I'm reading Road Runner's old post on "creating safety III" and it touches on nightmares. I had a thought and wanted to ask.

From time to time my partner sleeps in his jeans. It's not a big deal but it's an observation on my behalf.

Be Well,

Hi,

You ask an interesting question. I remember as a child I would sleep in my jeans sometimes if I thought I could get away with it. Mom was quite the detective and somehow seemed to know when I was not doing things the way she thought they should be done, then I'd get in trouble.

I have no such desire to sleep in my clothes anymore. It's been years, probably my early 20's. I never thought to assign my childhood trauma as the cause of it. It makes sense that a hurt child would be looking for a higher degree of safety and be wearing his jeans to bed in an attempt to create that safety.

You've given me something to consider.

Lots of love,

John

I slept in my clothes until I got a room with a lock on the door...as a kid that is.

It made me feel safer. One more layer between me and him.


Dave

I do at times sleep in my clothes, it does in a way give me a safer feeling in myself, and other times its just cause i fall asleep watching tv. I did regulary sleep fully clothed when i was younger, and i also had a habit of sleeping with knives as a kid, something which my family regulary comment on when disscussing our childhood years.

Agape,

I think part of your answer lies n Dave's post:



Another part of the answer is that for an abused boy one of the worst memories is of your underpants being pulled down. The feelings are just awful. You feel helpless, ashamed, and afraid, and it drives home to you the (false) idea that what you have down there is what is "attracting" the abuser.

If a guy is still troubled by this, having "one more layer" when he goes to bed makes a lot of sense. After all, it's so often in his own bed that a boy is abused.

Much love,
Larry

To All;

I thought the same when I read Roadrunner's post, hence me asking. It's okay with me, I don't mind, before yesterday it was something silly my partner did, but today or even last night, it's okay with me and I promise not to give him "the business" even in a joking matter, next time it happens.

Just wanted to share that last night I read to him the introduction of "If the man you love was abused". He agreed he's putting little feelers out to me, so I gave it a go! To my surprise he made a "HMMM!" sound while reading the statistics on the abuse of males. I'm thinking that more statistics might entice his intellectual side. Any thoughts?

Agape,

I don't know about statistics, but you might want to let him know that it has only been since the late 80s that there has been any serious awareness - even among professionals - of the sexual abuse of boys as a problem in society. We really are talking about many years when this could happen to a kid for years without the safe adults responsible for him having any idea what was going on.

Much love,
Larry

Im shocked that so many ppl dont sleep in their clothes?

Anyway,

If you do, it's not surprising. Like I said, it's so often defensive reaction to having been touched or violated in the past.

Much love,
Larry

He would beat the shit out of me if I ever would have tried something like that. Not that he usually needed a reason but ok.
I don't sleep in boxers or something though i do need at least a tshirt and a jogging pants or pyama pants. If I would sleep at someone elses place and had no sleeping stuff with me I'd sleep in my jeans and tshirt though, or borrow something.
I'd feel to vulnerable without a layer of clothes.

Same reason I dont like gym at school much or wouldn't join a soccerclub or something because I don't want to shower with the rest of the team. Good things showers at school didn't work i guess..

Stefan