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#188013 - 10/20/07 04:05 AM Re: Why can't I get on with my life? [Re: Trish4850]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
Trish-------------i hope he does also------------as i stated above----------------i sent this to my boss--------------------it has helped him to understand me better-------------------so our work relationship-----------is better now---------------steve


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#188050 - 10/20/07 01:37 PM Re: Why can't I get on with my life? [Re: sabata]
testingWaters Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/06
Posts: 508
This is the *best* article I have ever read about something so fundamental to my own experience. Thank you so much D2K for posting and Sabata for bumping it.


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#188510 - 10/23/07 08:50 PM Re: Why can't I get on with my life? [Re: Dewey2k]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6376
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Originally Posted By: Dewey2k
The child quickly learns three vital lessons:

That they are powerless to escape from abuse once the scenario begins.
That they are powerless to prevent the abuse from happening permanently, and
That no one is going to 'rescue' them.

The objective now becomes to avoid abusive situations on a day by day basis.



This is a three-pronged brutal truth

_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

New Video

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#188517 - 10/23/07 10:24 PM Re: Why can't I get on with my life? [Re: Still]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
I don't think i've ever been more grateful for "Copy", "Paste", and Notepad in my life! There are many loving, well-meaning friends and family that need to read this as much as i did...
TYSVM! (thank you so very much)

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

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#188784 - 10/25/07 09:50 PM Re: Why can't I get on with my life? [Re: dgoods]
trusty Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/07
Posts: 167
Loc: Indiana, USA
OH MY.

This is me all over the place.

Fascinating....and frightening.

Thank you, Steve.

Russ/REJ

_________________________
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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#188785 - 10/25/07 09:52 PM Re: Why can't I get on with my life? [Re: trusty]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
i still gon back to this and re read it


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#188787 - 10/25/07 10:28 PM Re: Why can't I get on with my life? [Re: sabata]
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
I emailed this to my H about a wk ago. I have no idea if he looked at it or automatically hit "delete."

But I have a copy saved in my documents so I can always access it. It helps ME to read it, to understand him better, as well. Sometimes I wish I could "require" that he read it, just so he finally realizes I'm not just acting like a "know it all" with him. To me this article is easy to understand and conveys so well what it is like to be a survivor.

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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#188789 - 10/25/07 10:32 PM Re: Why can't I get on with my life? [Re: Brokenhearted]
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
Maybe I could say something like, "We can't move on if you won't even look at the possibility of what is wrong with "us"." Because it is very frustrating to me that WE are sort of on permanent "hold" until we start figuring out why and working on it, it does affect me too, half my life is already over too. I want to be close to him and blameless for HIS problems for once. I love him, my heart aches for him, but also sometimes I feel enough is enough, I've been so patient and it's so hard. Please let me know if my thinking is way out of line, to just request that he read it, for OUR good.

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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#188791 - 10/25/07 10:53 PM Re: Why can't I get on with my life? [Re: Brokenhearted]
trusty Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/07
Posts: 167
Loc: Indiana, USA
Dear Brokenhearted,
There is as much eye-opening wisdom in this article, for me as a survivor, as in the entirety of many of the books that I have read. I hope to share it with many, many people, including my wife, my siblings, my therapist, and my pastors.

From my point of view, however, this may be of some help...reading this article confirms that there is a huge amount of work still to be explored by my wife and me in figuring me out, figuring us out, and ultimately, coming to grips with our uncertain future.

Good luck in your quest to share it. You should definitely keep trying and hoping that he reads it.

Russ/REJ

_________________________
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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#188875 - 10/26/07 10:35 PM Re: Why can't I get on with my life? [Re: trusty]
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
Russ,

I so appreciate your honesty and encouragement. I wish I knew why the future w/ our spouses should be so "uncertain." I wish we could all just decide to stay together, as in commitment, through tough and good times....I hate not knowing whether my future includes the continuation of my family.

I wonder, is it usually the survivor who is uncertain about remaining married, or the spouse? Because I, as a spouse, am willing to remain, but yet I feel he is the one who seems so aloof and autonomous and independent of me... Hmm, wonder if that would change once he "gets" that he was abused and the whole recovery thing begins.

Thank you again for encouraging me -- I will definitely keep trying to encourage him to read it. I find the damage done to you survivors as horrendously monumental. I guess children are just so very fragile, more than I even thought I was as a kid. It just keeps blowing me away how ingrained the damage is.

Bless you and I am so glad you are open and willing to talk about your case and share material w/ your loved ones. Was there a long time before you were ever able to talk about it or disclose? Is talking about it much easier after denial, after recovery actually begins?

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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