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#170521 - 08/02/07 12:14 PM Anger and fear and the male survivor weekends?
mike5 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 170
Loc: Cleveland, OH
I'm considering attending a Male Survivor weekend this fall, but I feel a lot of fear. The biggest fear I have is around anger. When I think about telling my story, it brings up intense anger and I'm afraid I can't handle it. I think I probably would survive it, but I fear I can't, and that is eating me up. So I've been thinking that an opportunity like the weekend might help me get through that. But then I worry that it'll won't - that I'll explode and not be able to contain it. Which doesn't make much rational sense, because that's at least part of the problem: I don't want to contain it any more. It's like trying to avoid spilling a bucket of acid that I can't put down and I can see that the bucket is going to fail sometime if I don't get rid of it. I'm tired and I don't want to carry this any more!

So I'm wondering what those of you who've attended a weekend think of that.

What was your experience like?

Was it safe?

Did it hurt?

Was it worth it?

My head tells me that I'd be likely to survive the weekend, but my gut doesn't by it. I'd like some reassurance that others actually have.

Mike


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#170524 - 08/02/07 01:40 PM Re: Anger and fear and the male survivor weekends? [Re: mike5]
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Mike all I can say is that it is the most careing and safe place that I have been at. By all means go, it will change your life.


Tom

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#170530 - 08/02/07 01:58 PM Re: Anger and fear and the male survivor weekends? [Re: Muldoon]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Mike,

First of all welcome to the site. I think you'll find that this place can help you a lot; it's a safe place to talk and let out what's on your mind, including all those fears and anger.

I have never been to a Weekend of Recovery, but I think you will find they're a wonderful experience. All the guys who go speak as Tom has above - it can be a life-changing event.

One thing you can be absolutely sure about is that you will be safe there. The facilitators are experts who have years of experience working with survivors of sexual abuse, the groups are small, and after you register a facilitator will call you to talk about what to expect and to ask if you have any anxieties or questions. That would be a good opportunity to talk about your anger issues.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#170541 - 08/02/07 02:56 PM Re: Anger and fear and the male survivor weekends? [Re: roadrunner]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
hi mike-----------------give it a try-------------i havent done one--------------i am slated to do the utah thing if i dont chicken out--------------------------my best to you-----------------steve


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#170557 - 08/02/07 04:44 PM Re: Anger and fear and the male survivor weekends? [Re: sabata]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Mike,

i specialize in fear and anger. i've already let the fear talk me out of a Recovery Weekend, and i've been kicking myself ever since. now before you say i have time to change my mind - i'm aware of that but i've already committed to other things that will fill that time slot (i'm good at avoidance) and as such i have no right to say much ...

anyhoo - my point - and i can't prove this - but i TRULY believe you will be much better off if you go to a Weekend and don't sabatoge yourself like i have.

from what i understand, you "enter" the weekend experience on even ground with all other survivors. what can be better at resolving fear?

do yourself this favor.


M


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#170635 - 08/02/07 10:23 PM Re: Anger and fear and the male survivor weekends? [Re: mike5]
thecoopstah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/04
Posts: 589
Loc: massachusetts
I can tell you from personal experience,although very apprehansive,the re-treat i attended back in march was awesome and extremely emotionally intense.

The counselors both m/f and facilitators ( who strictly deal with male survivor issues for over 20 years who do in fact have their own practices)were very supportive and the compassion and professionalism they portrayed was amazingly comforting.


Feeling the way you do is comepletly normal afterall i felt the same way and i had many chances to back out seeing i came all the way across the country from boston to san francisco therefore it was a long ride.

I promise you if you get anything out of the re-treat it will be a perspective only you can come out with this experience will be reasurring and change your life in ways you could never imagine possible.

The re-treat will offer you a sense of self,self-esteem,self-worth and strengthen your boundaries to a level you would perhaps never attain on your own.

Finally i can tell you it is NOT something you want to "try" because the thoughts/feelings/and emotions you will experience can definitely be overwhelming however at no time will you feel unsafe because ALL THE COUSELORS will be sure your safety is at their utmost concern.Talk with your therapist(if you have one) and your loved ones because you will need the support before and especially afterwards when you get home.God bless you and if you have any questions feel free to talk with me and others on here.Be gentle with yourself,put you first and you will be ok.


Coopstah

_________________________
" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "

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#170697 - 08/03/07 09:59 AM Re: Anger and fear and the male survivor weekends? [Re: thecoopstah]
Dewey2k Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
I want to add that the ratio of counselors to attendees is between 3:1 and 4:1, and in no session are there fewer than two counselors in attendance, so someone is always available should something come up, and they are more than happy to take you aside for a one-on-one chat.

It really is a worthwhile experience, and I highly recommend it. I would be going to Alta next month if I could afford it.



Edited by Dewey2k (08/03/07 10:03 AM)

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#170774 - 08/03/07 04:37 PM Re: Anger and fear and the male survivor weekends? [Re: Dewey2k]
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Mike, the Utah WOR will be my first weekend attendig an MS pgm. I have attended 2 Mike Lew Weekends and all the questions you're asking were similar to mine! If I let my 'gut' win, I would have missed a terific opportunity I feel I could get no where else.

I deal with alot of folks who are champion avoiders. I've learned that a bad case of the "what ifs" keeps a person dead in the water full of promises of "someday, I'm going to..." which usually doesn't happen. They start the "what if's" before the next event and feel safer avoiding that one too.

For myself, I promise myself...commit myself...go for it! I find that I benefit every time!!

Look forward to seeing you in Utah!!!

Howard

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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#170776 - 08/03/07 04:39 PM Re: Anger and fear and the male survivor weekends? [Re: Dewey2k]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Originally Posted By: Dewey2k
I would be going to Alta next month if I could afford it.

Same here.

M


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#170807 - 08/03/07 06:48 PM Re: Anger and fear and the male survivor weekends? [Re: MarkK]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
cool-------------i will be able to meet you all in person-----------------------------steve


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#170862 - 08/03/07 10:49 PM Re: Anger and fear and the male survivor weekends? [Re: sabata]
Rambler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/06
Posts: 134
Loc: Planet Earth
Mike5,

Do you really want to change your life?

Go to a WOR.

I guarantee you will come away a different man if you open yourself up.

Much love,


John


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#170865 - 08/03/07 11:00 PM Re: Anger and fear and the male survivor weekends? [Re: sabata]
ttoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/19/07
Posts: 977
I know this may seem or sound ridiculous...but Level 1? Is participation in level 1 a requirement before doing any other levels?

How many levels are there?


Dave



Edited by ttoon (08/03/07 11:00 PM)
_________________________
checkin out for a few weeks... whistle
02/07/09

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#170870 - 08/03/07 11:37 PM Re: Anger and fear and the male survivor weekends? [Re: ttoon]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Participation in Level I is prerequisite to attending a Level II. Trust me, I asked. They don't even give moderators a special dispensation! \:D

Mike,

The Four Springs WoR in the Napa Valley of California was a life altering event. I wasn't sure what to expect going in, but I'm so glad I went. The other guys have done a fantastic job of presenting what it's all about. I can only agree and add that the facilitators are some of the most caring and professional therapists you could possibly hope for. Like Larry says, you will receive a phone call form one of them prior to the event. He will put you at ease and be able to draw you out in a way where you don't feel threatened.

The other thing that will happen is you'll meet some of the most amazing and caring men you'll ever encounter in your life. Survivors just like you who understand how much it hurts to be a survivor and who are determined to work past the pain and dysfunction the abuse caused in their life. You couldn't find finer friends in the world.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#170871 - 08/03/07 11:44 PM Re: Anger and fear and the male survivor weekends? [Re: WalkingSouth]
ttoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/19/07
Posts: 977
LOL

Geeez we got a lot of rules don't we?

Thanks...I'll do someone else's


Dave

_________________________
checkin out for a few weeks... whistle
02/07/09

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#170872 - 08/03/07 11:50 PM Re: Anger and fear and the male survivor weekends? [Re: ttoon]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Go for it, Dave!

There are a number of professionally run programs out there. Find one you like and do it. I don't think you'll regret it no matter which you attend.

John



Edited by walkingsouth (08/03/07 11:52 PM)
_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#170875 - 08/04/07 12:18 AM Re: Anger and fear and the male survivor weekends? [Re: WalkingSouth]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11026
Loc: Denver, CO

I expect to be there in September.

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#170883 - 08/04/07 12:29 AM Re: Anger and fear and the male survivor weekends? [Re: FormerTexan]
ttoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/19/07
Posts: 977
Okay...

Sorry bout that outburst.

I got an attitude tonight, sorry.

August is just not my month. Three of my sibs have died in the last five years in August.

I have done maybe about fifteen of this type of workshop...it truly is an amazing experience. Absolutely. That many guys all in one place...is cool.


:-)


Dave

_________________________
checkin out for a few weeks... whistle
02/07/09

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#170928 - 08/04/07 08:54 AM Re: Anger and fear and the male survivor weekends? [Re: ttoon]
Gerald2007 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 157
Loc: Southeastern US
Thanks to all who have posted here.

A special thanks to Mike for starting the thread.

I am planning to attend the Workshop in Ohio this October. So I appreciate the input about the experience. For those who say they caan't afford it, aren't there some scholorships available?

Gerald

_________________________
Alumnus: Weekend of Recovery - Dahlonega, May 2008 and May 2009
We are bound together by the pain of the past and our hopes for the future.

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#170931 - 08/04/07 09:17 AM Re: Anger and fear and the male survivor weekends? [Re: mike5]
Danbuff Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 249
Loc: NY state
Mike, Although I am new to the group, I am not new to fear so I understand the dread that one feels facing risks and what ifs. It occurs to me how afraid I was to come out as gay...I did it was freeing. When I returned to college at age 48, I said I cannot do this, but I went and I did really well. Now I am 50 and in grad school in spite of believing I am not good enough, smart enough or competetive.
I was angry at God for my life, I finally broke down in desperation. I was sobbing in pain, begging for help and it came. So I know facing fears is a risk, but for each time I took the risk, the risk paid off.
I am on my way to becoming a Masters level social worker and it is in my very being to never mislead anyone that might cause harm. I am that sort of person and believe we all are the same. Especially MS. So trust the supporters, trust yourself and go for it. You are so worth the effort. Be well, be safe and only look back to see how far you have come.
Peace,
Dan

_________________________
When you stumble, make it part of the dance.

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