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#170158 - 07/31/07 04:52 PM dissociated and in shock, age 23
inthegrass33 Offline
New Here

Registered: 07/31/07
Posts: 107
I don't know what to do. I contacted the sydran inst. today and hope that they can find me someone in the area that can help me. as I write this, my body is numb and don't physically feel that I am looking out my eyes. my trauma is from a one-time incident that happened to me when I was around two.

I am scared, alone, and in shock, even after so many years.


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#170159 - 07/31/07 05:05 PM Re: dissociated and in shock, age 23 [Re: inthegrass33]
jaybee Offline
New Here

Registered: 07/31/07
Posts: 25
Loc: Florida
hang in there. find a friend. a pet. watch i love lucy or golden girls. tell yourself you will take care of this, and that you have appointments. find a smell that doesn't trigger you, go for a walk, get out of the house. take active part in keeping yourself safe and sane until your appointment. above all else, don't scold or be bad, but be kind and gentle. the memories will subside until you can procede. you can do this bud.
jaybee

_________________________
3+7+11+13+19+25+39/9-4 yep, were all somewhere...

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#170161 - 07/31/07 05:16 PM Re: dissociated and in shock, age 23 [Re: inthegrass33]
Dewey2k Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
Grass,

Welcome to MaleSurvivor.

First off, let me say that the feelings you are (not) having are very common for people first coming to terms with their abuse, so you are not alone there. Secondly, let me say that you have taken a huge step by posting here asking for help. We survivors have a tendency to isolate and think that we can handle everything on our own. In my experience, that is almost never the case.

If you are thinking about harming yourself or another, call the suicide hotline that is local to your area. It is important that you talk with a mental health professional as soon as possible.

I would recommend is contacting your family physician or other trusted health professional and asking for a recommendation for a counselor. If that is not possible, or you do not feel that you can do that, there are a number of crisis hotlines available. As I don't know where you live, it would be necessary to look them up. If you are under 18, or are in university, there are counselors available on campus if classes are in session. Some companies offer Employee Assistance Programs that offer anonymous referrals to counselors. Your company might have a similar program, and it would be worth looking in to.

This discussion board can be a source of support as well. Other men such as yourself, along with friends and family of survivors, have posted their own stories and concerns here. Reading through some of the posts, and even posting your own thoughts and concerns can be helpful in providing clarity and direction when one is confused and uncertain of what to do. I hope that you will take advantage of the opportunity you have here.

Again, welcome, and I hope you are able to contact a counselor soon.

Take care,
Dewey2k


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#170202 - 07/31/07 10:45 PM Re: dissociated and in shock, age 23 [Re: inthegrass33]
MusicMan Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 11/23/03
Posts: 144
Loc: Elmira, NY
Hi inthegrass, and welcome,

The scenario of your feelings or lack thereof takes me back to my own self when I first discovered that all of that "stuff" that I went through all of those years ago really had a name and that it was a very bad name. I just could not imagine that that terrible thing could have actually happened to me.

After it finally became real to me, I was flooded with all of these bizarre emotions that I never felt before. My body and psyche would not ever allow me to feel them, or anything that was really real my whole life. Once I felt those emotions, it got insane, literally, really fast.

I just wonder, when did you "discover" this reality for you that put you in the condition you are in? I'm really concerned, really very concerned for you because I have been there and done that and I know what I went through and am still going through.

With the acuteness of your situation, I would concur with the others here to say that your first order of business is to get to a therapist right away, like immediately. You should also call your doctor, who might be able to prescribe something for you.

I know those feelings, and they are not good. Take good care of you and get involved with the professionals as soon as possible. Please let me know how you are making out in the process. And I also agree that, if you should reach a crisis point, call a crisis hotline.

God bless,
John


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#170391 - 08/01/07 07:27 PM Re: dissociated and in shock, age 23 [Re: MusicMan]
inthegrass33 Offline
New Here

Registered: 07/31/07
Posts: 107
I almost don't know how to put this into words. I just am numb, know what happened, because I have some body memory of the abuse, and can actually feel it happening again sometimes and my mind is ranting on different things while I am feeling totally out of my body. My vision just lets in the entire visita, and its like my body is here, but I am not in it. I don't feel anything right now. I can't even write about how I feel. I know that a part of me is glad that I realized what happened and that I found this site. I am in Knoxville, TN. I don't know how to communicate what is happening or going on. I wish I could just get rid of the somatic energy and move on. I am in distress, horrible disoriented, but can still type. I am really numb and feel like I'm just going to curl up and vanish or just cease. I really need to talk to someone.

I found out it was my father when I was able to relax one night at a cousin's house. All I remember is that I was telling myself to relax, to relax my body, to stop the dissociation or to figure it out, and then all of a sudden, I trembled and felt like I was being sexually molested and my father was doing it, and then I went back into shock. From that point on, I was looking at the last 21 years of my life, like I was living after something I hadn't dealt with yet. The rest was me just trying to make it through, while people around me called me retarded or a fuck-up because I couldn't even react to reality. I had felt real for an instant, got a memory, felt something physically happening in me, and then it went away.


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#170395 - 08/01/07 07:41 PM Re: dissociated and in shock, age 23 [Re: inthegrass33]
Lazarus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/01/07
Posts: 851
Loc: Below the radar, USA
I know that saying "find yourself a therapist, quick!" is not going to do you any good tonight, even though it is good advice for tomorrow... For now, take a deep breath and center yourself. You can get through this... I know it's uncomfortable right now, but it's not going to last forever...

The best thing to do is talk about it, if you can. Don't beat yourself up... You're confused and scared, I know... but you're not wrong. This is nothing to be ashamed of; we've all been there. Talk it out, if doing so doesn't make you more upset. If it does, then take a break... get some fresh air... do something for a little while that will take your mind off of it... and then come back and try again.

It may take a few tries, but if you hang in there it will get easier.

Be kind to yourself... it's not your fault.

Ric

_________________________
"That which does not kill us, surely makes us stonger." - Neitsche

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#170409 - 08/01/07 09:54 PM Re: dissociated and in shock, age 23 [Re: Lazarus]
inthegrass33 Offline
New Here

Registered: 07/31/07
Posts: 107
MusicMan, I think you know what I am going through exactly. I have a meeting with a counselor on Friday. I'm just going to hang in my apt. tonight and try to give myself some care.



Edited by inthegrass33 (08/01/07 09:55 PM)

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#170425 - 08/01/07 11:21 PM Re: dissociated and in shock, age 23 [Re: inthegrass33]
inthegrass33 Offline
New Here

Registered: 07/31/07
Posts: 107
Have any of you been dissociated for long periods of your life and then reassociated? What is it like to reintegrate the memories, what is life like without the dissociation?


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#170472 - 08/02/07 08:29 AM Re: dissociated and in shock, age 23 [Re: inthegrass33]
Logan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1205
Loc: NY
I have not for long periods of time but I know many people here who have and it is not that uncommon reaction of the mind to an extreamly stressfullf event or series of events.

I hope this helps and keep posting, many people have be through exactly what you have.'

Take care,
Logan

_________________________
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

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#170478 - 08/02/07 09:06 AM Re: dissociated and in shock, age 23 [Re: Logan]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6422
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Inthegrass,

What you are describing is like the residual effects of a flashback. Many times with me, a severe flashback will hang with me for a day or even a week.

Feel free to PM me about this if you wish. Flashbacks are major-league with me, but I've learned some management skills.

_________________________
This nation has lost its mind!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

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