Hate to sound so negative first thing on a Monday morning but... I give up, I'm tired of caring, feels like I'm just running around in a circle and the bullshit just doesn't end. So what if I just live my life the way I do... I don't see what the big deal is. I've managed to make it this long doing what I do so why bother to change now? I'm tired and I'm done with AA and I'm done with NA and I'm done with therapy and I'm just done trying to figure it out. Shit happens and it is what it is.

Jay...

You are on the down-swing of the rollercoaster....it sucks. I know its exhausting...I know you are tired but if you dont keep up the recovery process what kind of life will you continue to live? Continue being miserable...confused...angry...doing very dangerous things? What kind of life is that?

Dont you want to be happy? You deserve to be happy!! We are here to support you....we are here to listen...we are here to kick you in the rear (motivate you) when you get down about recovery!!

You are doing so good...you got away from your family...you are in a better place but that has to be exhausting and scarey....

(((((Jaysen)))))

Love ya man,
Brian

Jaysen,

wow ... have you taken the words right out of my journal this morning! "So what if I just live the life the way I do" ... I can understand that - after all, it's my life, right? But I want to say something about the rest of your post.

"I've managed to make it this long doing what I do so why bother to change now?" Yeah - I've made it pretty far too ... but it sure doesn't serve me. I mean, ok - I'm alive and all and I make it through each day, but I deserve better. AND SO DO YOU.

I fully hear that you're tired. Man, so am I. But tired isn't a reason to quit. To stop for a while, yeah. Rest - recoup. Just get away from the BS for a bit. Can't get away from our lives, but we CAN get away from the struggle.

Anyhoo, Jaysen, that's my recommendation to you. Step back and take a breather. Then read your own MS signature. You picked it cuz it's true...

If there were no rewards to reap, no loving embrace to see you through this tedious path you've chosen here, you certainly would have walked away by now ...

There is a reward. It's called life. YOUR life. Take a break, take a breather, pull back from the battle - but don't let them win the war. You are worth so much more.

M

What makes you think I'm not happy living the way that I do? What makes you think I don't like my life the way it is? Everyone is miserable, confused and angry at some point... don't have to be a survivor to feel those things, just human and very dangerous things? Well Brian.. that's your opinion.

Point taken....but why do you think that everyone is miserable in life??? I know you said at some point but I think we take it to the extremes sometimes.

And yes that is my opinion and we are allowed to voice it here...I am sorry if that disagrees with you. Sometimes we have to hear things we dont like.

Because shit doesn't always go your way. Yeah, you're right, we take it to the extreme sometimes and personally speaking I take everything to the extreme. But what does that have to do with anything? It's just what I do.

Right and shit wont always go your way...its how you handle it when shit blows up in your face that matters. Not going to the extremes is a way to minimize its effects.

Of course you're entitled to your opinion, why be sorry, who gives a shit if your opinion is different than mine? It doesn't really matter.

well, maybe i have no place to say this, but any chance your mood this morning is due (at least in part) to the fact you take everything to an extreme? meaning, is it really this bad, or does it feel this bad because you live at the extremes?

i ask because i am also a black-or-white, hot-or-cold kinda person - one extreme to another. it's part of the bi-polar blessing...

M

My point exactly.