if it will keep you in therapy, keep pre-paying! Seriously, it is motivation for you, it would make sense. (My girlfriend does that for the gym, but she still doesn't go!)
Seriously though, I have had so much up and down with therapy. I did not even remember the first session, or even that I had gone. Sometimes I still lose the session, when some other part of me decides it is time to talk. But I know that even at the times when it is bad, when I do not want to talk, when I don't like what she says, when I come undone and feel like a two year old or something, it IS helping me. The panic that was an every day, all day thing, it is now once in a while. The flashbacks are fewer, and less intense. The body memories, same, fewer and less crazy. I still lose time, lose myself to 'others' and other such things. But I do believe it is less now. And I am less 'freaked out' by myself.
I hope that you will continue with it, Marc. Because as resistant as I was to it earlier, I know it is helping me a great deal, and I hope you will have the same success. I wish you well, and good luck Marc.
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.
"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963