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#16945 - 06/02/04 12:09 AM Re: Bad T Session
yesac76 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/23/04
Posts: 508
Loc: Idaho
Marc,
I can empathize with you about not wanting to cry in front of other people. I hate people seeing me cry, I am just too vulnerable. I hate seeming weak.

I know it can be hard to go back to the T, but it is important. Mine tells me that with time, the past will lose it's acute sharpness, and the pain will lessen until it is no longer painful. Hopefully you can reach that point!

You are in my prayers, and the best of luck to you!
Casey

_________________________
"You live it or lie it" Metallica

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#16946 - 06/02/04 05:11 AM Re: Bad T Session
TeeJayUU Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/30/04
Posts: 262
Loc: MidWest
Marc,

I never knew I had so many tears inside of me until I was 38 and finally dealing with this! I felt weak and powerless, and I still do at times.

However, I think with each tear I shed, I shed just a teeny tiny bit of the shame, guilt, andger as well. I KNOW that is a LOT of tears to shed ! But I want to, no I NEED to shed them! For me! For my family! To show my abusers that they do not have power or control over me anymore!

Prepaid up through June might not be a bad thing!

Don't forget that the T knows and understands that you do not want to lose control, but she will provide a safe environment for oyu to do so.

You continue to be in my thoughts and Prayers, Marc!

Keep hanging in there!

PEACE and LOVE, MY FRIEND!!

TJ

_________________________
"There is a plan for me, God has a Purpose, I know there is a reason that I'm ALIVE!" Cherish Grace
PEACE HOPE LOVE

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#16947 - 06/02/04 05:52 AM Re: Bad T Session
phoster Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/21/03
Posts: 758
Loc: ohio
mark it does hurt sometimes to look at the truth that is hiding inside. it only hurts so bad because you havent dealt with it. the pain is still sharp because you need to feel it and express it. i know now it is very hard work, but keep going. believe it or not, you're doing what you have to in order to heal.

hang in there, it gets better. give it time.

jeff

_________________________
compassion is a light even to the darkest soul

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#16948 - 06/02/04 10:19 AM Re: Bad T Session
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2258
Loc: Maryland USA
Marc,

In Mike Lew's "Leaping Upon the Mountain" there are quotes from male survivors all over the world, telling readers what they want to tell us. One of the ones that has impressed me greatly is "Have no shame for your tears. You have earned them."

I've had bouts of something like crying, with the pain in the gut and so on, but my eyes stay dry. In a way, I envy your wet tears.

I'll come back and edit this post to credit the guy who said that as he is listed in the book, unless someone else has their copy handy.

Thanks,

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#16949 - 06/02/04 10:28 AM Re: Bad T Session
Curtis St. John Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/20/04
Posts: 1794
Loc: Westchester, N.Y.
Marc,

Boy do I hear what you are saying. However, every tear you shed is a move forward to recovery. Trust me, the only way is to plow through all the crap and grieve for the part of you that was hurt.

It is hard, but it is healing.

Keep up the good work and keep seeing your therapist, in fact, I would keep pre-paying so you feel so tempted to cut out a session. That would be a good tool to keep you on track.


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#16950 - 06/02/04 11:14 AM Re: Bad T Session
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Marc listen to the brothers for therin is a lot of truths.

Another thing. It is ok to cry alone or in front of others. It is not a sign of weakness but of an inner strength that allows you to express emotions that are deep need to come out. I think you are a very BRAVE MAN

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#16951 - 06/02/04 02:03 PM Re: Bad T Session
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
Marc,

I know we had this conversation yesterday in chat.

The most productive sessions are unfortunately sare the hardest to go through. The tears show that you are connecting with what you need to. There is no shame in that.

At the retreat, I shed my first tears for my SA (at least I think they were for the SA), this was done in front of our bothers here. Yesterday was the second time, which was in the doctor's exam room; the tears were in full flow when he came in. Definately no shame in crying. Like Joe quoted, "Have no shame for your tears. You have earned them."

Take care,
Bill

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#16952 - 06/02/04 03:38 PM Re: Bad T Session
Brayton Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 696
Loc: Minneapolis
The first thing my therapist made sure of was that I felt safe with her in her office. I was lucky that that only took 2 or 3 sessions.

I feel for you. It has been difficult for me to cry in front of people, to 'let go' of the pain in that way or to show it.

But I have found for myself that it has also been a starting place for moving ahead. I suppose that is because I have opened up emotionally.

There have been therapists in the past that I did not feel safe with, most of them, in fact. Emotionally, I was pretty much a solid wall with them and didn't progress at all.

_________________________
Sometimes, things just won't work the way we want them to.

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#16953 - 06/02/04 04:28 PM Re: Bad T Session
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Marc, my brother.

You lost it because you have a REASOn to lose it. You were hurt very badly and it hurts to come to terms with it.

I've compared therapy to debreeding following a serious burn. They have to scrape the damaged and infected stuff off, and it hurts. Then, you have to heal, which also hurts, itches everything.

But, oh, when you heal, it feels wonderful.

Believe me when I tell you I understand and KNOW what you're talking about. It hurts like hell, Marc, but how do you feel afterward?

Do you hurt? Sure. Do you feel BETTER?

That can be the billion-dollar answer.

And I think you know the answer to that one.

You need me, Marc, you know where I am.

You have courage to face your demons, my friend. And you will slay them. All it takes is time.

Peace and love, my brother.

Scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#16954 - 06/02/04 07:32 PM Re: Bad T Session
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Marc - just before I was abused at 12, I had promised myself that I would never cry again. Moved home/school & changed/gained /lost friends.

I have recently broken that promise to myself & intend to do it as frequently as I need to - I am 47 later this month!

Best wishes ...Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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