A few years ago I would have several panic attacks a night. This lasted for about 3 months. I thought I was going to lose it. I would wake up and be scared out of my mind and shaking. I wasn't afraid of anything I could pinpoint. Just afraid. I would go back to sleep and wake up a couple of hours later to the same thing. It hasn't happened in a while (a year or so), but I haven't felt the same sense. I feel like I can't think clearly.

Buster,

for me it was like this,, i would wake up and for a fleeting few seconds i would feel like everything was ok, like my life was just fine, and then i would remember, and i would get hit by wave after wave of anxiety and panic and my head would spin,, it would take me a while to talk myself into settling down before i could even think of getting out of bed, i dont think i ever slept for more than a couple of hours at a time and i used to be so afraid to try and sleep, i always felt like the few seconds of peace were like some dirty trick someone was playing on me.

I dont remember exactly how i got past that one, i did so many things and it just kind of faded away over time.

It sounds to me like what you were experiencing was part of the feelings coming back,, or maybe you were experiencing the feelings for the first time and they came in shifts, i am a big fan of the puzzle theory, i know my stuff came back in pieces over time.

John

Hi Buster,
From what I was told, there are two results of panic attacts. By finding out what was your result of the attact...you can trace back and try to figger out the reasons! The two results are: a fear that you are going crazy and a fear that you are going to die..from med problems..like a bad heart, etc.!!!! Now if the result of the panic atact is that you think that you are going to die it is a lot easier to trace back by a therapist and a med..MD...you end up being woken by the panic attact because you have some sharp pain 6 to 12 times a night... could just be gas....higher up and most think that they are having a heart attact! These people find theirselfs at the ER a lot! Now the second one, where you think that you are going crazy is because you are!!!....... going nuts from some hiden thing that is trying to work it's way to the surface! I have panic attacts where there are more the a few people around me! Could be anywhere..class rooms, cafes, bars, parties, etc....because of me not being able to except what happened to me!!!!

LOL
Eddie

It was definately the going crazy kind of panic attacks. I had the medical kind when I was around 12. I haven't decided what the cause was. I just know I haven't felt right since that summer. It may be because i am gay and can't deal with it.

Buster I can certainly relate to panic attacks. About three years ago I went into a panic attack that was almost constant for a solid year. I was a total wreck, and I was in constant terror. The first few moments after I woke up in the morning were the only times I had any peace. I still don't know what the root cause was. I am certain it was related to my family and my past, however. Things coming through that I didn't want to acknowledge. I am gay as well. If it helps you should know that being gay doesn't define or dicate any part of who you are beyond your attractions, or how you are supposed to act. Don't know if that is an issue for you, but it helped me to realize that.

I hope that helps a little.

~Eric

[ December 17, 2001: Message edited by: ClarkNova ]

[ December 17, 2001: Message edited by: ClarkNova ]

buster- I totally agree with what ClarkNova says. Acceptance of you being gay DOES help you deal with other lifes broblems that come along the way. I accepted the fact that I am gay during my mid 70s. At that time it wasn't that easy, but it was better than the 50s and 60s. As time does go forward, the acceptance of a person being gay does improve. I do think however, that your problem is related to some medical problem. Talk with a therapist before seeing a shrink. However you proceed, I wish you good fortune, and whatever you do, THINK POSITIVE. bosishere

For a while there i was having panic attacks when I slept alone at my other house. It never happened when I was with my wife. Couple of times a called a hotline for abuse inorder to calm down.

Thanks for the replies, but it's hard to not see the world through "I'm a bad person" colored glasses. It's so confusing as to why I feel this way. Like I've said before, I never think about my abuse. I think I could better deal with it if I felt some sort of anger or hurt, but I don't.

Buster,
Bad person pair of glasses? That's how I feel and my 3th therapist says it's from not excepting what happen to me...that my mind is trying to hide it again??? I hope my mind finds a way....and soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eddie

HI,

Since you seem not to be able to make any connections you should get medication for your panic attacks so that at least you can get some sleep and you might be able to make connections using the medication.