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#168397 - 07/22/07 11:25 AM Massage
des6263 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/15/06
Posts: 137
Loc: midwest, US
I am a certified massage therapist, I was wondering if anyone had incorporated massage into their recovery? I have read some articles on it being used in conjunction with counseling. Just curious if anyone has used it? Any thoughts or in put about the idea?

_________________________
May the Flames of Truth Burn Bright

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#168410 - 07/22/07 12:23 PM Re: Massage [Re: des6263]
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
I know many massage therapists that incorporate massage with counseling. It makes sense! Body memories...touch and relaxation brings sensations that some folks can't understand..etc.

Howard

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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#168474 - 07/22/07 08:02 PM Re: Massage [Re: ScottyTodd]
Elad 12 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 1176
Loc: on the coast
I have had massage as a part of my recovery and have found it helpful. I know many abuse survivors have a difficult time with bodywork but I enjoy it and feel it works well for me.

Dale


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#169015 - 07/25/07 08:12 PM Re: Massage [Re: Elad 12]
theatrekid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/07
Posts: 702
Loc: oregon
having a massage by a stranger sounds terrifying to me.

,chris


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#169019 - 07/25/07 08:20 PM Re: Massage [Re: theatrekid]
ttoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/19/07
Posts: 977
Oh, man...I'm with ya on that one, TK...


Dave

_________________________
checkin out for a few weeks... whistle
02/07/09

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#169049 - 07/25/07 10:47 PM Re: Massage [Re: des6263]
Army Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/27/07
Posts: 90
Loc: California
Hey Des6263,

I have been using massage in my recovery. First I had to get comfortable with the idea of a man touching my body. This was a big step though, because it helped me to work though touch by a man that was not sexual. It has taken some time but now I get a massage every few months. Today was really great, I am traveling and got a massage by a blind male therapist. It was the most comfortable I have ever felt. He was so kind and healing and I wasn't scared about him looking at my stuff or doing something too me.

Are you a survior? If not, please understand that trust is the issue here, and fear. Several fears come to my mind... is he gonna touch me... Am I gonna get excited because of a trigger? Can I know that this guy is safe? What do I do if I start to feel uncomfortable?

Out of all my massages, around 30 at this point, I have to say that nothing "bad" has happened to me. All the men that have given me a massage have been utter professionals. It has been great healing in my recovery. I learned to trust other men more because of it. And that my body doen't have to respond in a sexual way because of my abuse. Hope this helps.

Army

_________________________
07 Peebbles WOR Alummni

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#169052 - 07/25/07 11:27 PM Re: Massage [Re: Army]
terpprm Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/15/07
Posts: 312
Loc: Elyria, Ohio
where does one go to get a massage? and what kind of massage is most recommended? don't the women do the men and the men the women? how do i select the right massage therapist?

_________________________
My Story

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#169054 - 07/25/07 11:52 PM Re: Massage [Re: terpprm]
TJ jeff Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3365
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
I know my docs have said many times that massage would be very good for me because of my M.D. (though it would be painful - it would help to flush out the toxins)

I keep telling myself I'm going to do it - then chicken out - I know I could'nt have a guy do it

what does one even wear? - I've heard that one wears nothing? - cept a towel (and even that gets moved around)?

I do really worry about feelings/emmotions that might come up durring it

Army -
Quote:
Am I gonna get excited because of a trigger?
- that is something that worries me too

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#169062 - 07/26/07 12:53 AM Re: Massage [Re: TJ jeff]
terpprm Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/15/07
Posts: 312
Loc: Elyria, Ohio
that's another thing with me. the whole naked thing. i've never been naked around anybody since the csa, i don't know about that!


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#169079 - 07/26/07 06:42 AM Re: Massage [Re: terpprm]
ttoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/19/07
Posts: 977
Well, hmmm?

I certainly admire yer attitude, Army...

My experiences started at three. I am sexual...no ifs ands or buts about it. Petting the cat gives me an erection so...massage??? Uhm, no...

My very first therapist suggested, "Bodywork," I laughed, she seemed genuinely surprised that I was unwilling to try it. When she located a group...I walked right into that...workshops, I went...but massage? No...

I often wonder what the general public imagines it is like to be a survivor? My experiences were almost choreographed in my estimation...long and drawn out, as if the whole purpose was to provoke a physical response so he could watch me burn.

The concept of a massage sounds cool...maybe someday.


Dave

_________________________
checkin out for a few weeks... whistle
02/07/09

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#169166 - 07/26/07 01:51 PM Re: Massage [Re: ttoon]
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Most of the massages I had were not naked but in my underwear. The massage was my facing down with my back up to the Masseuse. Yes, it does take gradually getting into being touched non-sexually. Since my Perps were both male and female, if I was to get the massage, I couldn't discriminate between genders.

Embarrassed? At times but mainly surprised at what triggered my reactions. Without the touch, I probably would not feel like I cleaned up/ survived/ addressed so much.

Our fears were given to us by our Perps! I had to decide who was in control and, with support, take my control back!

Howard

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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#169175 - 07/26/07 02:41 PM Re: Massage [Re: ScottyTodd]
ttoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/19/07
Posts: 977
"Without the touch, I probably would not feel like I cleaned up/ survived/ addressed so much."

Absolutely...I agree one hundred percent. Thankfully there are many forms of "good touch" and massage is one of many on the list.

It is empowering to have a choice...I don't know about control...but having a choice is certainly empowering. There are many different avenues to explore for everyone.


:-)


Dave

_________________________
checkin out for a few weeks... whistle
02/07/09

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#169194 - 07/26/07 05:53 PM Re: Massage [Re: ttoon]
des6263 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/15/06
Posts: 137
Loc: midwest, US
Wow, thanks for all the feedback guys.

First, yes I am a survivor. Part of my story is posted in the Survivors Stories Forum.

You do not have to be naked to receive a massage, what I tell my clients is to "undress to your comfort level" this means if you are comfortable being naked, get naked, if you are comfortable leaving your underwear on leave them on. I had a client in school who would leave her sweat pants on. When you are on my massage table you are covered with a sheet for modesty and just the body part I am working on is uncovered and draped in a way that no private areas are exposed. I leave the room when the client undresses and gets on the table and they let me know when they are covered and ready. I also explain to the client that I will massage the face, head, neck, shoulders, arms, legs, feet and back. The gluets or buttocks, are massaged through the sheet if they prefer. I also ask if there are any of these areas they would prefer I avoid. I let the client they are in control at all times and to let me know if there is anything they do not like or that makes them uncomfortable.

As for finding a Massage Therapist, that is what you look for, a Massage Therapist, not a masseuse. Look for someone who is certified or licensed. I am certified through the Associated Bodywork & Massage Professionals, they have a minimum amount of class work and clinic work to be eligible for certification. They have a listing service at http://www.abmp.com for anyone interested.

To begin with a general, swedish relaxation massage would be good to start. From there you and your Massage Therapist can discuss the options in bodywork that are available and would work best for what you want to accomplish, ie.. relaxation, chronic pain relief, releasing frozen muscles etc.

It is quite common for emotions to be released during massage, memories are stored in the soft tissue of the body. A well trained Massage Therapist is aware of this possibility and is prepared for it. There is no need to be embarrassed. It is this very release that makes massage a good tool for some in recovery.

As for "getting excited" during a massage, this has never happened to me as a Massage Therapist or as a client. We were taught in school that it is very common and is beyond the clients control. A good Massage Therapist will not bring attention to it and move from the area they were working when it occurred. On the other hand the client should not bring attention to either, lest it be misconstrued as harassment. If it happens, ignore it and eventually it will go away.

Most importantly, talk to your Therapist and give good feedback about your massage!

I have been thinking about figuring some way to reach out to those men recovering from CSA. Not sure how to go about it though.

Hope this was enlightening for some of you guys, and that I answered all the questions, sorry it was so long!
Thanks guys,
David

_________________________
May the Flames of Truth Burn Bright

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#169212 - 07/26/07 07:08 PM Re: Massage [Re: des6263]
TJ jeff Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3365
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
Thank You David - it was extremely enlightening and maybe just the push I needed to actualy take my doctors advice and get into massage for my genetic muscle dissorder (me - listen to doctors advice - now that would be something new - lol) - he recomended deep tissue massage but I think I'll start with something lighter (swedish relaxation massage) and work my way up to it

Thank You for easing my fears

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#169213 - 07/26/07 07:29 PM Re: Massage [Re: TJ jeff]
des6263 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/15/06
Posts: 137
Loc: midwest, US
TJ Jeff,
Thanks, glad I could ease your mind a little. When I was in school for massage we trained on each other, one night a week we would give and receive massage, Boy do I miss it! I haven't had a massage since! I am working full time as a photographer while I get my massage practice going, just haven't had the time.


Hope you decide to get a massage I am sure you would get a lot of benefit from it.

David

_________________________
May the Flames of Truth Burn Bright

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#169249 - 07/27/07 01:06 AM Re: Massage [Re: des6263]
Cidnie Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/09/07
Posts: 113
Loc: SFC, CA
Yeeeesh! I would just die inside if someone started touching me like that. *freaks out*

I'm sure it would help someone...but not me. I don't want someone tapping my shoulder.

_________________________
There is nothing natural about maturity in the physically immature. Maturity comes with wisdom, and wisdom comes with pain. Those of us with the greatest minds have endured the greatest torments.

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#169263 - 07/27/07 03:39 AM Re: Massage [Re: ttoon]
Barney Offline


Registered: 07/31/06
Posts: 236
Loc: Southern Utah/Northern Arizon
Massage is a good way to connect with a man. A safe way actually.


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#170548 - 08/02/07 03:43 PM Re: Massage [Re: ttoon]
Agape Girl Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/25/07
Posts: 120
Loc: New Jersey, USA
This puts me in a very very unique category, since no one has responded with this dilema.

Unfortunately for my b/f this is where he went to release. Acting out sexually at Massage parlors that no one speaks of but knows all about, please please be very careful where you choose to go. Now, I'm wondering if he did the right thing for himself. Oh God, confusion again.

_________________________
AGAPE'
means selfless love of one person for another
without sexual implications
(especially love that is spiritual in nature)

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#170592 - 08/02/07 07:27 PM Re: Massage [Re: Agape Girl]
TJ jeff Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3365
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
Agape Girl,

sorry to hear about your dilema - I really hope that your b/f will find ways other than that to work through his issues

I'm guessing that these people at massage parlors are not board certified massage therapists???

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#171993 - 08/08/07 05:32 PM Re: Massage [Re: TJ jeff]
Rabbit Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/07/05
Posts: 91
Loc: San Francisco
I am a massage therapist, a survivor, and someone who has had body memories crop up during physical contact, be it massage or sex.

I generally believe that it is better for me to live through my held memories than to hold them buried in my body. That said, it can be debilitating when these body memories resurface.

So, I don't know what to say other than this...if you have questions let me know...

Cheers

_________________________
Your love should never be offered to the mouth of a stranger

Only to someone who has the valor and daring to cut pieces of their soul off with a knife then weave them into a blanket to protect you

There are different wells within us, some fill with each good rain

Others are far, far too deep for that

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#175107 - 08/22/07 08:52 PM Re: Massage [Re: Rabbit]
TJ jeff Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3365
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
ok guys - just had to post here that I got my very first proffesional massage this Monday (another fear conquered) - she was amazingly proffesional - I wore long legged briefs (almost to the knee length) - she never touched fabric (just the skin I was comfortable enough to bare) - she did not cross that boundary - she did'nt even do the gluets (and I did'nt even tell her not to)

yeah - I'll be going back again - need to start taking better care of this body...

thanks for the encouraging words from others in this thread that helped me conquer the fear

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#175136 - 08/22/07 11:08 PM Re: Massage [Re: TJ jeff]
des6263 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/15/06
Posts: 137
Loc: midwest, US
TJ! WOW!
So glad you made the jump. I hope you make massage a regular part of your health care, there are so many ways in which massage is beneficial for your mind, body and spirit. Very proud of you for taking this step!

Peace and Love,
David

_________________________
May the Flames of Truth Burn Bright

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#175298 - 08/23/07 01:28 PM Re: Massage [Re: des6263]
christopher76 Offline
New Here

Registered: 07/26/07
Posts: 5
im a massage therapist also. im glad people are using it as part of their recovery.


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#175318 - 08/23/07 02:35 PM Re: Massage [Re: ttoon]
kellygtx Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/11/07
Posts: 412
Loc: Texas, USA
I tried a couples message with my wife and two MT's. I was ok for the first little bit. My wife said she could hear me breathing. When he asked me to roll over I freaked and told him to stop. I went and got dressed and waited for my wife to finish. I was terrified.

_________________________
I bid you Peace.

Kelly

The time is always NOW. Breath In. Breath Out. Move On.

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#224853 - 05/18/08 02:38 PM Re: Massage [Re: kellygtx]
des6263 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/15/06
Posts: 137
Loc: midwest, US
Kelly,
Sorry I kind of lost track of this post.
I am sorry you had a bad experience with massage. Would you have been more comfortable with a female therapist? Would you consider trying massage again?
Peace and Love
David

_________________________
May the Flames of Truth Burn Bright

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#224854 - 05/18/08 02:39 PM Re: Massage [Re: TJ jeff]
des6263 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/15/06
Posts: 137
Loc: midwest, US
TJ,
I was curious if you have made massage a regular part of your health care?

Peace and Love,
David

_________________________
May the Flames of Truth Burn Bright

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#224925 - 05/18/08 07:52 PM Re: Massage [Re: des6263]
tazrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/22/08
Posts: 88
Loc: FL USA
David
Should the massage be before or after the counseling or does it not matter?

I have been considering getting a monthly massage. This might be a way to justify it.

Let me know
Gregg


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#225206 - 05/19/08 09:34 PM Re: Massage [Re: tazrad]
des6263 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/15/06
Posts: 137
Loc: midwest, US
Gregg,
I don't think it really matters. Go into the massage for the physical benefits, relaxation, improved flexibility, etc.. though not necessarily for the emotional release, as it doesn't happen for every one. Massage can be helpful for depression as it releases endorphins that elevates your mood. Look for a Therapist that is licensed or certified, and be vocal about what you expect and give good feedback while getting the massage. Most of all.... relax and enjoy it!
Let me know how it goes!

Peace and Love,
David

_________________________
May the Flames of Truth Burn Bright

Top
#225223 - 05/19/08 10:13 PM Re: Massage [Re: des6263]
dannym Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/24/07
Posts: 543
Loc: Boulder, Colorado
I get a massage every other week. It has become more than a luxury. I am an anxious person by design.. I am also a triathlete. I am also a survivor. What I have found is that when you find a therapist, they really work with you. I am so used to massage.. and I do a lot of mountain running and biking, I NEED my glutes and hips worked on.. but when I go to someone new, they are always reticent to do that at first. I think most err on the side of being overy cautious. I also know from friends who have body issues, you can suggest just back or neck massage - they are trained to do a variety of techniques.

I prefer a male therapist because I like very very very deep work... and most woman I have gone to do not have the upper body strength. I have had hundreds of massages, and not one was overtly sexual.

Just my 2 cents.

Dan

_________________________
"You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head."

Marge Simpson

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#225225 - 05/19/08 10:15 PM Re: Massage [Re: dannym]
dannym Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/24/07
Posts: 543
Loc: Boulder, Colorado
oops, wanted to add that being touched in a non sexual, therapeutic way is wonderful... I have also had some emotions come up during the massage... I've even cried... and the therapist always says "That happens sometimes".... no big deal.

Dan

_________________________
"You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head."

Marge Simpson

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#316616 - 12/28/09 12:39 AM Re: Massage [Re: dannym]
Charlie24 Offline


Registered: 09/28/08
Posts: 562
I have to add my two cents to this topic.

So I know I struggle with touch issues as a result of the abuse.

My Dad and Mom have found a great massage therapist they love.

My parents are aware of my abuse and my Dad is insistent on me getting a massage but I struggle with getting a physical with a doctor.

I do hope one day to get a massage.

I fear so much with a massage, mostly the unknown or what if's that I overplay in my head.

I guess I'm scared of what might happen, how my body would react.

I just don't know.

I find safety in my pain and frustration.

It's not always healthy though to be in pain.


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