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#169166 - 07/26/07 01:51 PM Re: Massage [Re: ttoon]
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Most of the massages I had were not naked but in my underwear. The massage was my facing down with my back up to the Masseuse. Yes, it does take gradually getting into being touched non-sexually. Since my Perps were both male and female, if I was to get the massage, I couldn't discriminate between genders.

Embarrassed? At times but mainly surprised at what triggered my reactions. Without the touch, I probably would not feel like I cleaned up/ survived/ addressed so much.

Our fears were given to us by our Perps! I had to decide who was in control and, with support, take my control back!

Howard

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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#169175 - 07/26/07 02:41 PM Re: Massage [Re: ScottyTodd]
ttoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/19/07
Posts: 977
"Without the touch, I probably would not feel like I cleaned up/ survived/ addressed so much."

Absolutely...I agree one hundred percent. Thankfully there are many forms of "good touch" and massage is one of many on the list.

It is empowering to have a choice...I don't know about control...but having a choice is certainly empowering. There are many different avenues to explore for everyone.


:-)


Dave

_________________________
checkin out for a few weeks... whistle
02/07/09

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#169194 - 07/26/07 05:53 PM Re: Massage [Re: ttoon]
des6263 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/15/06
Posts: 137
Loc: midwest, US
Wow, thanks for all the feedback guys.

First, yes I am a survivor. Part of my story is posted in the Survivors Stories Forum.

You do not have to be naked to receive a massage, what I tell my clients is to "undress to your comfort level" this means if you are comfortable being naked, get naked, if you are comfortable leaving your underwear on leave them on. I had a client in school who would leave her sweat pants on. When you are on my massage table you are covered with a sheet for modesty and just the body part I am working on is uncovered and draped in a way that no private areas are exposed. I leave the room when the client undresses and gets on the table and they let me know when they are covered and ready. I also explain to the client that I will massage the face, head, neck, shoulders, arms, legs, feet and back. The gluets or buttocks, are massaged through the sheet if they prefer. I also ask if there are any of these areas they would prefer I avoid. I let the client they are in control at all times and to let me know if there is anything they do not like or that makes them uncomfortable.

As for finding a Massage Therapist, that is what you look for, a Massage Therapist, not a masseuse. Look for someone who is certified or licensed. I am certified through the Associated Bodywork & Massage Professionals, they have a minimum amount of class work and clinic work to be eligible for certification. They have a listing service at http://www.abmp.com for anyone interested.

To begin with a general, swedish relaxation massage would be good to start. From there you and your Massage Therapist can discuss the options in bodywork that are available and would work best for what you want to accomplish, ie.. relaxation, chronic pain relief, releasing frozen muscles etc.

It is quite common for emotions to be released during massage, memories are stored in the soft tissue of the body. A well trained Massage Therapist is aware of this possibility and is prepared for it. There is no need to be embarrassed. It is this very release that makes massage a good tool for some in recovery.

As for "getting excited" during a massage, this has never happened to me as a Massage Therapist or as a client. We were taught in school that it is very common and is beyond the clients control. A good Massage Therapist will not bring attention to it and move from the area they were working when it occurred. On the other hand the client should not bring attention to either, lest it be misconstrued as harassment. If it happens, ignore it and eventually it will go away.

Most importantly, talk to your Therapist and give good feedback about your massage!

I have been thinking about figuring some way to reach out to those men recovering from CSA. Not sure how to go about it though.

Hope this was enlightening for some of you guys, and that I answered all the questions, sorry it was so long!
Thanks guys,
David

_________________________
May the Flames of Truth Burn Bright

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#169212 - 07/26/07 07:08 PM Re: Massage [Re: des6263]
TJ jeff Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3381
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
Thank You David - it was extremely enlightening and maybe just the push I needed to actualy take my doctors advice and get into massage for my genetic muscle dissorder (me - listen to doctors advice - now that would be something new - lol) - he recomended deep tissue massage but I think I'll start with something lighter (swedish relaxation massage) and work my way up to it

Thank You for easing my fears

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#169213 - 07/26/07 07:29 PM Re: Massage [Re: TJ jeff]
des6263 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/15/06
Posts: 137
Loc: midwest, US
TJ Jeff,
Thanks, glad I could ease your mind a little. When I was in school for massage we trained on each other, one night a week we would give and receive massage, Boy do I miss it! I haven't had a massage since! I am working full time as a photographer while I get my massage practice going, just haven't had the time.


Hope you decide to get a massage I am sure you would get a lot of benefit from it.

David

_________________________
May the Flames of Truth Burn Bright

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#169249 - 07/27/07 01:06 AM Re: Massage [Re: des6263]
Cidnie Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/09/07
Posts: 113
Loc: SFC, CA
Yeeeesh! I would just die inside if someone started touching me like that. *freaks out*

I'm sure it would help someone...but not me. I don't want someone tapping my shoulder.

_________________________
There is nothing natural about maturity in the physically immature. Maturity comes with wisdom, and wisdom comes with pain. Those of us with the greatest minds have endured the greatest torments.

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#169263 - 07/27/07 03:39 AM Re: Massage [Re: ttoon]
Barney Offline


Registered: 07/31/06
Posts: 236
Loc: Southern Utah/Northern Arizon
Massage is a good way to connect with a man. A safe way actually.


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#170548 - 08/02/07 03:43 PM Re: Massage [Re: ttoon]
Agape Girl Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/25/07
Posts: 120
Loc: New Jersey, USA
This puts me in a very very unique category, since no one has responded with this dilema.

Unfortunately for my b/f this is where he went to release. Acting out sexually at Massage parlors that no one speaks of but knows all about, please please be very careful where you choose to go. Now, I'm wondering if he did the right thing for himself. Oh God, confusion again.

_________________________
AGAPE'
means selfless love of one person for another
without sexual implications
(especially love that is spiritual in nature)

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#170592 - 08/02/07 07:27 PM Re: Massage [Re: Agape Girl]
TJ jeff Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3381
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
Agape Girl,

sorry to hear about your dilema - I really hope that your b/f will find ways other than that to work through his issues

I'm guessing that these people at massage parlors are not board certified massage therapists???

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#171993 - 08/08/07 05:32 PM Re: Massage [Re: TJ jeff]
Rabbit Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/07/05
Posts: 91
Loc: San Francisco
I am a massage therapist, a survivor, and someone who has had body memories crop up during physical contact, be it massage or sex.

I generally believe that it is better for me to live through my held memories than to hold them buried in my body. That said, it can be debilitating when these body memories resurface.

So, I don't know what to say other than this...if you have questions let me know...

Cheers

_________________________
Your love should never be offered to the mouth of a stranger

Only to someone who has the valor and daring to cut pieces of their soul off with a knife then weave them into a blanket to protect you

There are different wells within us, some fill with each good rain

Others are far, far too deep for that

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