Newest Members
lilac, The Wife Of, smusab, whiteflag, North101
12287 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
cards (33), korbin2003 (39), Rosemary (53), Zebra (47)
Who's Online
1 registered (1 invisible), 30 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12287 Members
73 Forums
63212 Topics
442011 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 2 of 3 < 1 2 3 >
Topic Options
#168796 - 07/24/07 01:52 PM Re: when a man loves a man [Re: Nate]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Okay after that rant...to answer your questions Nate.

Have I ever truely experienced love?

Yes but it wasnt till i experienced it that I realised all the other times were not actually love...just sexual attraction or common bonds. Alot of hormones but no Love.

What kind of obsticles...WOW you got about a day and a half to talk about it..LOL

Seriously though....everything from intamacy issues...trust issues...crankiness...walls...oh man too long of a list. But the more you make yourself aware of what your doing the more you can try to counteract those responses. Also its best to talk to your partner..l.let him know whats going on. If I hadn't talk with mine he wouldn't be with me still because he could not figure out why i act the way I did.

Oh...sex...arrghh. Frustrating. Being open with your partner can help alot. I found myself approaching it as a job...something to get over and done with. A performance of sorts....this was all complicated by the fact I am a top so alot of performance anxiety kicked in. I spent my first 3 gay relationships going at sex wrong. I found out a lot of the expectations that I felt were projected by me...not actually being expected by my partner. I cant say enough about being open with your partner. Also keep in mind that you dont HAVE to have anal sex if that is your phobia. You dont have to have sex in anyway when you are starting out!! If the guy wants you for you....then if you make him wait...he will. If he runs away then you know what??? Probably wasn't in it for you...he was in it for sex.

This all makes sense...especially on the idea if he really wants to know and not wanting to share that with him. However if you want a RELATIONSHIP not just sex with the guy you have to be honest.

Sincerely,
Brian

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

Top
#168809 - 07/24/07 02:56 PM Re: when a man loves a man [Re: pain4ever]
Kenn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/10/04
Posts: 146
Loc: Toronto, Canada
I have never "made love"...in fact I never allowed myself to be that vulnerable. Sex...well sure...lots of that. I hope I find out what making love is like in this life-time!

Kenn

_________________________
"This above all; to thine own self be true."

William Shakespeare, Hamlet

Top
#168810 - 07/24/07 02:58 PM Re: when a man loves a man [Re: Kenn]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
again....sounding like a girl...

Making love is wonderful and so much different than sex.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

Top
#168813 - 07/24/07 03:07 PM Re: when a man loves a man [Re: pain4ever]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Originally Posted By: pain4ever
Making love is wonderful and so much different than sex.

...how is that "sounding like a girl"?????


m


Top
#168814 - 07/24/07 03:08 PM Re: when a man loves a man [Re: MarkK]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
LOL...built in stereotypes from childhood kickin in...sorry.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

Top
#168825 - 07/24/07 05:06 PM Re: when a man loves a man [Re: pain4ever]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
heh ;\)

_________________________
the story
    https://1in6.org/men/bristlecone/mark-krueger/

Kirkridge - October 2008
Alta - September 2012
Alta - September 2013

Top
#168863 - 07/24/07 09:55 PM Re: when a man loves a man [Re: MarkK]
Lazarus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/01/07
Posts: 851
Loc: Below the radar, USA
You don't sound like a girl, Pain. You sound like a well adjusted man to me. So many men thing that showing sensitivity is effeminate, but let me tell you, if more men did it they'd understand how much beauty they were missing out on because they were afraid they'd look like a 'sissy'. Pshaw.

_________________________
"That which does not kill us, surely makes us stonger." - Neitsche

Top
#168914 - 07/25/07 07:35 AM Re: when a man loves a man [Re: pain4ever]
cbfull Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/07
Posts: 386
Loc: Ohio
Originally Posted By: pain4ever
Making love is wonderful and so much different than sex.


I second that remark. After being with my wonderful boyfriend for 6 years, I have found that there is a big difference between "getting off" and the type of orgasm experienced when we are really connecting during love making (I admit it does feel kinda awkward calling it that). It has taken me a long time to be able to get to that point of comfort, and I still have work to do.

I remember a lot of "gloom and doom" thinking in my mid 20's (I am 35). I was under the impression that I was not capable of having a loving healthy relationship, I just sort of believed that I was permanently broken, or that fate would always make sure I can't have that, like if I were trapped in a sort of caste system.

I have to tell you, I never thought I could meet someone as fantastic as my guy, and he never ceases to amaze me with his warmth and generosity. I absolutely do not want that to sound like I'm bragging or anything as gross as that, I just want to share that it's all in your mind. It's what you choose to believe about yourself that makes the difference. It just hit me one day that I didn't want to believe that anymore, so I decided to try believing that I AM capable and worth it. I started to feel so much better about myself.

We all deserve the kind of relationship we really want, but think we can't have.

Craig

_________________________
Craig

Guilt and shame have never done any of us any good at all.

Top
#169024 - 07/25/07 08:43 PM Re: when a man loves a man [Re: cbfull]
Stephen_5 Offline
BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/00
Posts: 667
Loc: Northern California Foothills
First of all, I was in love with my late wife for the better part of 34 years. After she died I visited a friend and his partner of 30 years. I thought that for me to have a loving relationship with another man was an impossibility. When I saw that my friend and his partner had all the same traits and looks and little loving things that I had with my late wife, I knew I could have that too.

A year after my wife died I found a wonderful guy, about the same age as me. We talked on the phone quite a bit, and after about a month I rode the bike up to see him. It was LOVE at first sight. We've been together ever since. We accept each other for who we are. Sure, things don't always go perfectly smooth, but we're both guys and we've both lived our entire lives longing for a relationship like this.

I wasn't alway faithful to my late wife but I did the best that I could before I started dealing with my abuse issues. I never told anyone about being abused for over 38 years. I acted out. I just buried those feelings from when I was eleven. Now that I have been so lucky to find a second love in my life I know that I'll never be unfaithful to him. This is my second chance, I've dealt with a lot of my issues and when they come up now I realize where it's coming from. My partner will tell me not to go into that dark place, that he's there for me now and will be as long as we live. So, in answer to the original question, YES, there is love out there for gay men. I just had to be ready to find it and recognize it when it happened.

Take good care of yourself,

Steve

_________________________
I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)

Top
#169101 - 07/26/07 09:10 AM Re: when a man loves a man [Re: MarkK]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Originally Posted By: MarkK
heh ;\)



Yeah...just ranting about stereotypes than I follow one...point well taken.

Brian

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

Top
Page 2 of 3 < 1 2 3 >


Moderator:  ModTeam 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.