***** possible triggers *****
I do know that in the case of the kids who do run away or tell - it is most often because they come from strong loving families where they feel safe with telling of the things that were done to them - they have parents who taught them what things are wrong for anyone to do to their bodies.
In a long survivor story I wrote over some months in T I start out by saying that mine is the story that should never have happened. We were that strong loving family that TJ Jeff talks about; I knew I was loved and I felt special and important. I had already gone to my Dad with several things an he had helped me a lot.
But CSA is a different sort of challenge. The advance being made on the boy is so personal, and the skills of the abuser so great, that I just can't imagine how any boy could effectively defend himself. The day the abuser started on me I was alone with him in his home and cornered in his son's bedroom. He had sent me up there to get something, and I turned around and there he is standing there in his baggy old boxers and clearly aroused. He told me to take off my trousers, so I did it.
Does that mean I "allowed" what happened next, and for the next five years? I was 10 years old and he was 51. I was trapped in that room and I was scared and confused. He was an adult I knew and trusted; I didn't like what he was telling me to do, but I didn't think of options or choices - I just thought what does he want and I hope this is over with soon.
So far as I can see, no other boy in that situation would have ended any differently than I did. The proposition that it was up to me to somehow find a way to "disallow" him to harm me, otherwise I stand guilty of some "character flaw", just makes no sense at all to me, or for that matter, to any of the thousands of professionals who work on such problems as researchers or therapists.
When we say it can never be the boy's fault, that's not an argument from a position of vested interest. It's a fact.