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#168019 - 07/20/07 09:09 PM Re: were we helpless? [Re: Stefan012]
Jarrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
meep meep larry, yeah i dont think of myself as a victim. (another word i hate which i add right below helpless.) i dont carry the shame around with me that a lot of guys here do. but i just cant help to think that there is something, a character flaw or something, that made us vulnerable enough to be abused and allow it to happen. all of us did allow it. other kids dont. why are we different. thats my question. we all have different situations. we all have different perps. we all had it happen at different ages. what is the common thread that made us "victims."


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#168024 - 07/20/07 09:25 PM Re: were we helpless? [Re: Jarrad]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jarrad,

Originally Posted By: Jarrad
what is the common thread that made us "victims."


Childhood.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#168032 - 07/20/07 09:56 PM Re: were we helpless? [Re: roadrunner]
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Jarrad I never allowed it to happen. I was told God wanted me to do this. Those world over whellemed me ,I froze and Father stated to Rape me. I desided that my God didn't want me to do this for Father R. I tried to pull away and fight him but he used his power to make me helpless. When Father R cruched my testicle in his hand with all his force he truely made me helpless.

How does a 11 yo boy fight back againest a 230 pound man. I was truly helpless and by fighting back I have had to live with life long pain and medical issues.

Tom

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#168033 - 07/20/07 09:59 PM Re: were we helpless? [Re: Muldoon]
Stefan012 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/18/06
Posts: 281
Loc: The Netherlands
I was 7. Didn't know any better. I didnt 'allow' it to happen. Nor did any of us.

Stefan

_________________________
You lost the things that you thought you would never miss.
You let them out and miss them while they're gone
But there's memories down here and they will always live down here
No they can't take them away, so they won't

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#168035 - 07/20/07 10:03 PM Re: were we helpless? [Re: Muldoon]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
he hit me one time in the face ,when i woke up he was in me,next time he broke the fingers on my left hand ,i did not allow it to happen ,i survived

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#168058 - 07/20/07 10:41 PM Re: were we helpless? [Re: shadowkid]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11119
Loc: Denver, CO
I never allowed my mother to do what she did, Jarrad. As I said before, a 7yo, 8yo or whatever does not tell the mother no. Otherwise he'll be seeing a bright flash and hearing nothing but a loud ring.

"all of us did allow it"

I gotta say, Jarrad, that your statement is the same thing the "normal" people say when they don't understand what abuse is about. It sounds like you are blaming the abused instead of the abuser.

Who exactly are you thinking of when you make this statement?



_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#168068 - 07/20/07 11:08 PM Re: were we helpless? [Re: FormerTexan]
Jarrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
im not blaming either party involved. im asking a question. apprently its the wrong one.


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#168078 - 07/21/07 01:16 AM Re: were we helpless? [Re: Jarrad]
TJ jeff Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3369
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
It's not that it is the wrong question Jarrad - it is just that it is a very emmotional one for a lot of people - "all of us did allow it" is a statement that is just so very untrue for a LOT of us (and even when we did let it happen there was a deeper reasoning behind why we let it happen) - some of us were groomed over a long period of time and did not even know it was abuse untill it had already been going on too long to stop - some of us were forcefully raped (a choice of life or death) - there are so many diffrent situations - so many diffrent possible answers...

I do know that it's just simply not possible for all of us to have been able to run away or to tell about it - there are many answers for that - some of us come from unhealthy families - familes where we were not taught what to do in such situations - families who would not believe us if we told them - or possibly they would even blame us - sometimes it is the abuser who keeps us silent with their threats of harm to us or family

I do know that in the case of the kids who do run away or tell - it is most often because they come from strong loving families where they feel safe with telling of the things that were done to them - they have parents who taught them what things are wrong for anyone to do to their bodies

A "common thread" that made us all victims? - I'm really not sure there is one...

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#168097 - 07/21/07 06:05 AM Re: were we helpless? [Re: Stefan012]
sportinrucks Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/01/04
Posts: 422
Loc: Louisiana
helpless hell yea I was helpless, I would try to dress up hard core gangster but heh I was helpless that motherfucker got me. And untill this day I still feel so damn helpless


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#168103 - 07/21/07 06:36 AM Re: were we helpless? [Re: TJ jeff]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
***** possible triggers *****

Originally Posted By: TJ jeff
I do know that in the case of the kids who do run away or tell - it is most often because they come from strong loving families where they feel safe with telling of the things that were done to them - they have parents who taught them what things are wrong for anyone to do to their bodies.


In a long survivor story I wrote over some months in T I start out by saying that mine is the story that should never have happened. We were that strong loving family that TJ Jeff talks about; I knew I was loved and I felt special and important. I had already gone to my Dad with several things an he had helped me a lot.

But CSA is a different sort of challenge. The advance being made on the boy is so personal, and the skills of the abuser so great, that I just can't imagine how any boy could effectively defend himself. The day the abuser started on me I was alone with him in his home and cornered in his son's bedroom. He had sent me up there to get something, and I turned around and there he is standing there in his baggy old boxers and clearly aroused. He told me to take off my trousers, so I did it.

Does that mean I "allowed" what happened next, and for the next five years? I was 10 years old and he was 51. I was trapped in that room and I was scared and confused. He was an adult I knew and trusted; I didn't like what he was telling me to do, but I didn't think of options or choices - I just thought what does he want and I hope this is over with soon.

So far as I can see, no other boy in that situation would have ended any differently than I did. The proposition that it was up to me to somehow find a way to "disallow" him to harm me, otherwise I stand guilty of some "character flaw", just makes no sense at all to me, or for that matter, to any of the thousands of professionals who work on such problems as researchers or therapists.

When we say it can never be the boy's fault, that's not an argument from a position of vested interest. It's a fact.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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