One of my abusers approach me last year with apologies, and offer to turn hiself into the police if I say so. He explain some things, say he do not expect me to believe him or trust him, and apologize. He also pay for my back surgery last year, which I did not know until 2 months later or such. He have done some things to help me in my recovery in the last year. I still do not trust him, and would not be somewhere alone with him. But I do trust that he is changed. I tell to him some time ago that I forgive him for what he done to me, and that I do not release him from what he have done to anyone else, but that for me, I do not fear him no more, I do not hate him, I pity him. It was some time later that he come to me in saying he have changed, and have shown me some things to make me think to believe it, that it is truth. I do wish to hope that he is a very different person now, for himself and everone else. I think it perhaps is possible for someone to be 'reformed', but they must accept the need to, and want to do it. You can not reform an abuser, or any criminal, agiainst their wishes.

At first when it started, I was so scared and I didn't know what was going to happen cos he was way bigger than me. I was 5. And he told me when I got older I was going to be big just like him. He was a friend of the family. Things got worse, he'd have me fight against him and his friends and other kids in the complex we were living in and if I lost, he'd hurt me worse. I could never win against him or his friends, but I could sometimes win against the other kids. He gave me drugs to get me to do whatever he wanted.

He's dead. I never got a chance to confront him, even if I did I'm not sure what I would have done.

I don't think it matters if they were nice or not. Cos the aftermath is the same. My cousin was abused practically her whole life, she didn't know it was wrong until she was 12 because of all the lies she was told. When she found out it was wrong, it was like her whole entire world was flipped up side down and everything she thought was true before was a lie.

Thats like when you are abused, everything you thought about grown ups was erased by what they were doing. Your world gets flipped upside down. You don't know who to trust, you don't know what to do anymore, and you lose your identity.

Hope this helps,

~nyjah