Oh ok so in other words it would be like a real good dad leaving when the kid is say around 5 or 6 then a new dad moving in to take the old dads place and the new dad goes out of his way to be very cool, friendly, let the kid get away with all kinds of shit, win the kids love, build up a shit load of trust, like that?
What you're sketching out is a classic abuse scenario. The new father comes in and there sits a boy who is scared and confused because his real Dad has just bogged off. The boy's asking himself why that happened, and you can just bet the kid will be wondering what he himself did to make his Dad leave.
Now here's a new Dad, and this one is apparently really cool - like you say, giving the kid space, allowing him to get away with things, building up the kid's friendship, trust and love.
That's grooming, Jesse. The guy is building up a framework that will reassure the boy and make it difficult for him to say no later on. The kid will feel obligated to the adult and will be afraid that if he refused what he wants, this new Dad will take off like the first one did, and the boy will once more be all alone - and again, the loss will be his own fault...because he said no.
In these terrible circumstances the boy, trusting and needing the adult, will have almost no defenses against the predator. Even just the confusion is enough for the perp to get what he wants. I remember that from when I was 10: the abuser was a man I knew and trusted, I was in their house, he got me alone in a room and told me take off those pants. I was scared and mixed up, and I didn't like it - but I did it. He was an adult, he was friendly and nice, this was his house, it must be okay; I'm supposed to listen to grownups and if I just do it then it will be over and everything will stop and it will all be okay somehow.
The bottom line is you were betrayed, Jesse - betrayed in just about the cruelest and most selfish way - by a man you had a right
to think you could trust.