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#167440 - 07/18/07 10:11 AM Question
jessedawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/17/07
Posts: 345
Loc: New York
Does it make a difference if the perp was nice? or violent? whats the difference? is one way better or worse or is it all just the same?

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Firefighters - your worst nightmare is just another day at the office.

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#167442 - 07/18/07 10:13 AM Re: Question [Re: jessedawg]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Abuse is abuse no matter if it was "loving" or not. However I found my violent abuser harder to deal with. One is not better than another. Abuse is wrong in any shape or form. Its all the same.

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Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#167444 - 07/18/07 10:18 AM Re: Question [Re: pain4ever]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jesse,

Abuse is still abuse. Whether the boy was tricked or just plain forced doesn't change the fact that he was used as a thing to pleasure someone else.

The first man who abused me when I was 10-14 was a tricky bastard who at first lied and confused me with a lot of crap about how "This is how special we are to each other", etc., and then moved on to more threatening and humiliating adventures. The second abuser, when I was 20 and on the loose in San Francisco, was violent and I was beaten every single day, in addition to the sexual stuff. I can't say there was a great deal of difference in how they affected me. The one wanted me to cry, the other wanted me to bleed: both made me feel helpless and worthless.

Much love,
Larry

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Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#167446 - 07/18/07 10:25 AM Re: Question [Re: roadrunner]
jessedawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/17/07
Posts: 345
Loc: New York
I dont understand where it comes from, people that get satisfaction out of making other people hurt like that, whats the reason?

_________________________
Firefighters - your worst nightmare is just another day at the office.

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#167453 - 07/18/07 10:34 AM Re: Question [Re: jessedawg]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Control...power...its hard and I can't fathom trying to understand the innerworkings of an abuser.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#167456 - 07/18/07 10:41 AM Re: Question [Re: pain4ever]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
my abuse was about as violent as it gets ,i think the nice guy abuse is worse cause they trick kids first into trusting them then sometimes even into loving them ,then they drop the abuse bomb . at least i knew what was comming ,and it wasnt done by somebody that i thought was my friend. also its like so much more confusing to the kid if he gets groomed ,and its a lot eaiser to think that the kid either allowed it to happen or liked it ,but either way it just plain sucks adam

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when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#167461 - 07/18/07 10:55 AM Re: Question [Re: shadowkid]
jessedawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/17/07
Posts: 345
Loc: New York
what do you mean by groomed?

_________________________
Firefighters - your worst nightmare is just another day at the office.

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#167464 - 07/18/07 11:05 AM Re: Question [Re: jessedawg]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
groomed ,treated nice, taken places , buying things ,letting the kid do stuff no one else would ,making it seem like the abuse was really love ,making it seem like its this cool secret that cant be shared with anyone ,finding out exactly what the kid needs and giving it to him ,for a price ,but the prices is kept hidden till the timing is just right. if a perp makes the kid believe he likes him and is his only friend he can be pretty much assured that the kid wont tell .grooming is using the bad things in the kids life to make the kid think well this is weird but he likes me ,he tells me im ok when nobody else does .maybe its worth it to just be important to somebody ,god i hate those sneaking bastards

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#167465 - 07/18/07 11:06 AM Re: Question [Re: jessedawg]
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
I think there is difference. I was abused by four different men. One was 'nice' to me. One was crazy, and tortured me. Other two was 'just abuse' I guess. I feel different of all them.

Andrei


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#167467 - 07/18/07 11:10 AM Re: Question [Re: shadowkid]
jessedawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/17/07
Posts: 345
Loc: New York
Oh ok so in other words it would be like a real good dad leaving when the kid is say around 5 or 6 then a new dad moving in to take the old dads place and the new dad goes out of his way to be very cool, friendly, let the kid get away with all kinds of shit, win the kids love, build up a shit load of trust, like that?

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Firefighters - your worst nightmare is just another day at the office.

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