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#167435 - 07/18/07 09:55 AM so far
jessedawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/17/07
Posts: 345
Loc: New York
Im surprized that so far I havent been able to come up with any reason or argument about this place. so far alot of good well thought out responses to my stupid questions, nobody seems threatening, Im glad I came back today- I didnt think I would. Cant help but to wonder whats the impresson of me- not that it matters much, just that Im expecting any minute now the insults and name calling to start flying, I dont think Ive said anything wrong yet and dont think Ive given up much info but I cant and wonder what you all must be thinking of me and in my mind its all bad things

_________________________
Firefighters - your worst nightmare is just another day at the office.

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#167437 - 07/18/07 09:58 AM Re: so far [Re: jessedawg]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Jesse,

Without sounding too condicending...you are a good guy with a lot of issues that are not your fault. You seem to be a very smart person but you know what? What we think does not matter...what you think of yourself is what matters.

Brian

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#167483 - 07/18/07 12:15 PM Re: so far [Re: pain4ever]
Brian Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 05/03/01
Posts: 1563
Loc: Upstate NY
I'm very proud to say that Male Survivor is all about understanding, compassion and support. Treating people with disrespect is NOT an option here! If you are looking for abuse, there are a million other places on the web to find it; you won't find it here! \:\)

Brian

_________________________
Recovery is Possible!

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#167493 - 07/18/07 12:33 PM Re: so far [Re: Brian]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
dude i think ms is about opposites,what people here think and say is the exact opposite of what we say and think about ourselves. or of what we been told by those who hurt us . when i read your stuff i say yeah another fighter! guts dude ,courage ,it takes guts to try to fix this shit ,it would be so much eaiser to just give up ,but your not made that way and neither are the rest of us . i look at you and see somebody id be proud to call brother. adam

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#167496 - 07/18/07 12:35 PM Re: so far [Re: jessedawg]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2503
Loc: Denver, CO
Originally Posted By: jessedawg
Cant help but to wonder whats the impresson of me

I see a fellow survivor - struggling to find truth in a world that has fed him nothing but lies. A comrade. I'd use the word "brother" but it has BAAAAD connotations for me.

Suffice it to say I see a complete equal who deserves to be heard, and one I already look forward to hearing more from.

M


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#167500 - 07/18/07 12:41 PM Re: so far [Re: shadowkid]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jesse,

^^^ What Adam said ^^^ \:\)

We see a lot of guys come and go here, and sure, it is possible to draw some conclusions in a short time. What I see in you is a terribly hurting guy, but also one who isn't afraid to face his demons and who's willing to fight for himself.

Every single post you have made shows incredible courage. What guy likes to say what you have said? I'm scared, I was hurt, I feel it was my fault, I don't know what to do, I need help. You're doing the things that are good for you, and that takes a lot of guts and strength.

And no, no one here will insult you or blame you. We are a community aiming to help each other out, and if anyone shows up who isn't into that, well, mods like Brian show him the door pretty quick.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#167537 - 07/18/07 01:30 PM Re: so far [Re: MarkK]
Scoutvictim Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/04/07
Posts: 434
Loc: St. Louis, Missouri
Jesse,

I have not made any comments on your posts the last two days, but I have read them and all the responses. I havn't jumped in because most of the guys who have, say it much better than I could.

My take...

*I see a guy who is trying to deal with many issues.

*I see the struggle you are having in your mind.

*I see a guy who is trying to minimize the abuse.

*I see a fire fighter(from your avatar) who is trying to "go it alone".

*I see a man who has realized "going it alone" may not be necessary.

*I see a group of guys who are willing to reach out and help.

*I see a strong man who is beginning to realize, asking for help doesn't make you weak.

*I see a crack in your gruff exterior, reaching out for some answers.

*I see a man who reflects many of of the same feelings we all had, when we first came here.

*I see a man who finds it hard to trust.

Take your time, and we'll be here when you want our help.

Carl

_________________________
Shawn and Ben will always be in my heart....

Happiness is like peeing your pants; Everyone can see it, but only YOU feel the warmth.

Peebles, Ohio WOR alumni, Oct. 2007

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#167540 - 07/18/07 01:39 PM Re: so far [Re: Scoutvictim]
jessedawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/17/07
Posts: 345
Loc: New York
lol do I know you Carl?

_________________________
Firefighters - your worst nightmare is just another day at the office.

Top
#167547 - 07/18/07 01:52 PM Re: so far [Re: jessedawg]
jessedawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/17/07
Posts: 345
Loc: New York
What do you mean Im trying to minize the abuse?

_________________________
Firefighters - your worst nightmare is just another day at the office.

Top
#167559 - 07/18/07 02:37 PM Re: so far [Re: jessedawg]
Scoutvictim Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/04/07
Posts: 434
Loc: St. Louis, Missouri
Jesse,

I don't think we know each other, but based on your stats, anywhere USA could be close. LMAO \:D

Now onto the other question.

In one of your comments you said, "even if I asked for it?".

That leads me to believe you're trying to take some of the responsibility off your perpetrator or minimize his role. He was the abuser, and he took advantage of you, no matter what the mind games he played.

By coming here you have taken the first step to understanding all those mind games. Many of the guys here have dealt with the same issues you are going through, and they have some great insight.

Don't be afraid to ask questions, and hash out your feelings. We all learn at different paces, and I'm sure you will benefit from your interactions here.

Just give it time, and don't feel pressured to "get it". It will sink in when your ready for it, and I promise it will feel like a ton of bricks has been lifted off your shoulders.

Be strong, and keep searching for your answers.

Carl



Edited by Scoutvictim (07/18/07 02:40 PM)
_________________________
Shawn and Ben will always be in my heart....

Happiness is like peeing your pants; Everyone can see it, but only YOU feel the warmth.

Peebles, Ohio WOR alumni, Oct. 2007

Top
#167565 - 07/18/07 02:50 PM Re: so far [Re: Scoutvictim]
jessedawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/17/07
Posts: 345
Loc: New York
I just dont know if I can do this

_________________________
Firefighters - your worst nightmare is just another day at the office.

Top
#167567 - 07/18/07 02:52 PM Re: so far [Re: jessedawg]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2503
Loc: Denver, CO
Anything in particular, Jesse - or just recovery itself? Don't try to take on everything. Maybe just posting and reading - you seem to be managing with that so far? Or have I missed something?

M


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#167569 - 07/18/07 02:58 PM Re: so far [Re: MarkK]
jessedawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/17/07
Posts: 345
Loc: New York
Guess just letting go and admiting to myself that theres some serious problems that I need to address- cant even say the words, been hiding it all for so long, then I come here and in less than 2 days I find so many others who think and act and feel the same way that I do, its just hard to accept

_________________________
Firefighters - your worst nightmare is just another day at the office.

Top
#167570 - 07/18/07 03:01 PM Re: so far [Re: jessedawg]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jesse,

Originally Posted By: jessedawg
I just dont know if I can do this


It's very important to try not to do everything at once. We get flooded with feelings and confusion so easily anyway - try to take it easy on yourself. Our fears and feelings of powerlessness are greatest when we look at the whole beast and imagine we have to fight him to the death...right now...with a toothpick.

One thing you might try is to make yourself a list of questions and problems that are on your mind, and then pick one of those and concentrate on it, leaving the others for another occasion.

Another thing you can do is go to off-topic and start a discussion about something you like. A cool film you saw, a book you read, a song you heard, a hobby you have - anything...just not directly connected with abuse issues. It's important for us not to lose sight of the fact that we are full, complete, whole guys, with lots of things to offer and many varied and fascinating interests.

Hmmmmmm. Well, okay, MY interests are varied and fascinating...don't know about the rest of you... rofl \:D

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#167571 - 07/18/07 03:02 PM Re: so far [Re: jessedawg]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2503
Loc: Denver, CO
I think I can understand some of how you might be feeling. I know it's been a long uphill climb at times trying to come to grips with what happened to me. Partly I suppose because I remember almost none of it - memories are just now starting to surface.

All I can say, Jesse, is you are worth the effort, but you need to go at your own pace. Like fighting a fire - you can't just rush in and try to put the whole thing out at once. Especially alone. Sometimes it takes a concentrated effort and teamwork.

M


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#167572 - 07/18/07 03:07 PM Re: so far [Re: MarkK]
jessedawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/17/07
Posts: 345
Loc: New York
Like fighting a fire - you can't just rush in and try to put the whole thing out at once. Especially alone. Sometimes it takes a concentrated effort and teamwork.

right, now that I can understand

_________________________
Firefighters - your worst nightmare is just another day at the office.

Top
#167573 - 07/18/07 03:08 PM Re: so far [Re: jessedawg]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jesse,

Originally Posted By: jessedawg
Guess just letting go and admiting to myself that theres some serious problems that I need to address- cant even say the words, been hiding it all for so long, then I come here and in less than 2 days I find so many others who think and act and feel the same way that I do, its just hard to accept


Again, you aren't alone bro. So many others have walked through that door and discovered exactly what you are seeing. It's okay that it's difficult for you to accept and believe just now. You have done so much in two days!

Be gentle with yourself, okay? I know you will need to come to terms with what you have lost - that's very important. But also try to give some time to all those things you can achieve for now and your future.

A mod and very wise man on the site, Mike Church, used to tell me something over and over again when I was new here, and he was soooo right: "The future is where we're going to spend the rest of our lives".

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#167574 - 07/18/07 03:09 PM Re: so far [Re: MarkK]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Mark,

Originally Posted By: MarkK
Like fighting a fire - you can't just rush in and try to put the whole thing out at once. Especially alone. Sometimes it takes a concentrated effort and teamwork.


Wow, man, what a perfect example! Good call!

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#167575 - 07/18/07 03:09 PM Re: so far [Re: jessedawg]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2503
Loc: Denver, CO
Originally Posted By: jessedawg
Like fighting a fire - you can't just rush in and try to put the whole thing out at once. Especially alone. Sometimes it takes a concentrated effort and teamwork.

right, now that I can understand

I'm glad - I wanted to say something that might "click" for you.

M


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#167577 - 07/18/07 03:16 PM Re: so far [Re: Scoutvictim]
Scoutvictim Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/04/07
Posts: 434
Loc: St. Louis, Missouri
Jesse,

I'll repeat:

Just give it time, and don't feel pressured to "get it". It will sink in when your ready for it, and I promise it will feel like a ton of bricks has been lifted off your shoulders.

Be strong, and keep searching for your answers.


I also love the comment, "the future is where we will spend the rest of our lives".

It's up to you to make your future better.

Carl

_________________________
Shawn and Ben will always be in my heart....

Happiness is like peeing your pants; Everyone can see it, but only YOU feel the warmth.

Peebles, Ohio WOR alumni, Oct. 2007

Top
#167580 - 07/18/07 03:38 PM Re: so far [Re: Scoutvictim]
jessedawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/17/07
Posts: 345
Loc: New York
I dont really feel pressured or even overwhelmed, I just nevet thought Id be at a place like this, talking like this

_________________________
Firefighters - your worst nightmare is just another day at the office.

Top
#167582 - 07/18/07 03:48 PM Re: so far [Re: jessedawg]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Originally Posted By: jessedawg
I dont really feel pressured or even overwhelmed, I just nevet thought Id be at a place like this, talking like this


So there you go. Life is full of interesting surprises! \:\) But seriously, this happens all the time here. Show a guy he's safe and won't be judged or blamed, and before too long he will astonish himself at what he can say and do.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#167586 - 07/18/07 04:03 PM Re: so far [Re: roadrunner]
Scoutvictim Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/04/07
Posts: 434
Loc: St. Louis, Missouri
Larry,

DITTO..... and Bravo!!!!

Jesse,

Welcome, and may all go well for you!!!!

I havn't had any training, but I for one would love to help you put out this fire. I hope you can also see that many guys here can help beat back the inferno.

So I now declare this "Engine House MS1". We may all be "probies" but we're willing to help you put some water on this fire.

Carl

_________________________
Shawn and Ben will always be in my heart....

Happiness is like peeing your pants; Everyone can see it, but only YOU feel the warmth.

Peebles, Ohio WOR alumni, Oct. 2007

Top
#167606 - 07/18/07 06:33 PM Re: so far [Re: Scoutvictim]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
one thing you could try is going back on the site heh if somebody tells me how lol ,but look at some of the first posts of people who are talking to you now. look at mine ,you will be even more amazed at how much alike we all are ,and maybe you can see where some of us are now compared to back then ,it does get better .

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

Top
#167719 - 07/19/07 11:44 AM Re: so far [Re: shadowkid]
Dewey2k Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
Jesse,

One thing I have noticed is that your posts seem to be almost confrontational- very pointed and direct. You said above in not so many words that you were trying to find a reason to not come back to MS. I think your mode of operation so far has been an attempt to test the site and the members; to make sure MS is what it claims to be. I hope that you now see that it is. We're all here for the same reason, facing the same issues, dealing with the same feelings. If you haven't really accepted that yet, it's perfectly fine, and frankly, I would consider it normal given what has been done to us. Two or three days is not enough to form a real basis for trust.

Over time, as you read and post, you will become more comfortable and trust more, which will help you to post those things that we never thought we'd talk about anywhere. Don't force it. Go slow. You'll know when the time is right. You'll know when you feel safe enough to post those dark secrets because it will happen naturally.

For now, be safe and take care of yourself. Read, think and post. The rest will follow.

Dewey


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