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#167391 - 07/18/07 08:39 AM Re: One time [Re: jessedawg]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jesse,

In my case it was alcohol until I went to college. Then I got into drugs as well - everything but heroin, which wasn't all that easy to find back then. My big thing was to be tripping, stoned and drunk all at once. Sex scared me and made me feel bad about being me; abuse had taught me that sex was about two people getting off by one sexually using and trashing the other. Needless to say, with that kind of attitude and in the condition I was usually in, I mostly ended up in messed up relationships that weren't really relationships at all. That made me feel even worse, but I figured hey, this is all I deserve.

See what I mean about the screwed-up thinking that abuse sticks in our heads? It's like it got in there and messed up all the settings in our minds, making us believe all kinds of crap about ourselves that just isn't true.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#167392 - 07/18/07 08:40 AM Re: One time [Re: jessedawg]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Originally Posted By: jessedawg
So Im interested to see what reactions are to that- most people that know about it think Im a goddamn psycho.


Jesse,

I dealt with severe anger for so long and when I went into therapy I found out I had ERD...Explosive Rage Disorder. I acted like a psycho but you know what I wasnt...just full of rage and anger toward my abuser that had never been expressed. It sucks but with proper counseling you can control it I promise.

Numbing out is a bad cycle. I did it for years using pain killers. It only provides temporary releif. When the meds wore off I was worse than ever. I still numb out with alchol everyonce in a while, but we need a break everyonce in a while right. We need a break and as long as its not a habit, I dont see a problem with that.

Brian

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#167395 - 07/18/07 08:45 AM Re: One time [Re: pain4ever]
jessedawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/17/07
Posts: 345
Loc: New York
Dont know what to say to either one of you- dont want to believe what youre saying but I have no argument for any of it either

_________________________
Firefighters - your worst nightmare is just another day at the office.

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#167400 - 07/18/07 08:55 AM Re: One time [Re: jessedawg]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jesse,

It's difficult to give up ways of thinking that we have gotten used to - those ways are what we know and they somehow feel comfortable, even if they make us feel really bad. If someone suggests a different way of looking at things, our first reaction will be to think "Why should I trust any of that?" One answer would be to look and see that these different way seems to have helped a LOT of guys...maybe it can help me too.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#167401 - 07/18/07 08:57 AM Re: One time [Re: roadrunner]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
In time you will see and trust, but that takes time.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#167416 - 07/18/07 09:21 AM Re: One time [Re: pain4ever]
jessedawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/17/07
Posts: 345
Loc: New York
About how long do you think? can't I get some kind of time frame here? lol

_________________________
Firefighters - your worst nightmare is just another day at the office.

Top
#167422 - 07/18/07 09:27 AM Re: One time [Re: jessedawg]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
LOL...depends on the person and therapy...there is no defined rules for these things. You have to change the way you think....get the abusers out of your head!!

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#167424 - 07/18/07 09:34 AM Re: One time [Re: pain4ever]
jessedawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/17/07
Posts: 345
Loc: New York
someone should come up with a rule book

_________________________
Firefighters - your worst nightmare is just another day at the office.

Top
#167430 - 07/18/07 09:44 AM Re: One time [Re: jessedawg]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jesse,

When a boy is sexually abused he is harmed in two ways. First, of course, is the physical harm that is done to him. That's a terrible thing to endure, but it does have a time when it began and a time when it ended.

Far worse is the emotional hurt; that goes on and on and can harm the guy for years, even decades. It doesn't "go away". A guy can stuff it back and try to forget about it, but the effects of abuse - all the bad feelings and false ideas he has picked up - just slide under the surface and continue to harm him even when he doesn't realize that's what's happening.

There can't be any hard-and-fast rule book or timetable for healing, Jesse, for the simple reason that we are all different guys, have different backgrounds, beliefs and ideas, were hurt in different ways, and have different needs. There are indeed truths and realities about how all this works, but we all have to look at those aids, see how they can help us in our own case, and then get started on our own.

The biggest reason why there can't be any timetable that Larry (for example) can hand over to Jesse is that what Larry has are the strategies and ideas that have worked for him. What Jesse needs will in some ways be very different, and Jesse's timetable will depend a lot on how he needs to approach his problems and what he feels safe doing. That's very difficult to predict, especially at the beginning.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#167432 - 07/18/07 09:49 AM Re: One time [Re: roadrunner]
jessedawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/17/07
Posts: 345
Loc: New York
understood

_________________________
Firefighters - your worst nightmare is just another day at the office.

Top
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