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#16713 - 01/27/04 04:49 PM remembering and healing
lee75 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/04
Posts: 37
Loc: utah
im new here. everyone seems quite supportive and kind. the question i have is:
i cant remember hardly anything before i was 18 and after that it is kind of hazy. i have some doubts about what was done and if it was done. ive been assured it has but i have a hard time beleving it. ive had all the troubles that come with S/A. all the anger and drugs and alcohol. why cant i accept that i was abused? my shrink says the reason i dont remember current things is that i am an expert on making myself forget.

im just starting on the journy called healing and im scared. i think i know a little about what it entails but i dont think i "really" know. sorry if im scatter brained. the only me i know is the person who used drugs, alcohol, tatoos, and piercings, and other selfdestructive behavior to cope. im learning new ways to cope but sooooo scary.
all the posts i read are great. they do help alot.
thanks all

_________________________
Lord, i hope this day is good. im feeling empty and misunderstood. i should be thankful, lord, i know i should, but lord, i hope this day is good. DON WILLIAMS

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#16714 - 01/27/04 04:56 PM Re: remembering and healing
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
Welcome Lee,

I am sorry that you have the need to find us, but glad you did.

You will find support here, these are a great bunch of guys. Read the posts and articles, respond when you feel like it, and post your questions/concerns/rants/insights when you feel comfortable. Some great learning about yourself is available here, I know I have.

Take care,
Bill

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#16715 - 01/27/04 05:05 PM Re: remembering and healing
rolling_is_life Offline
Member

Registered: 10/16/02
Posts: 53
Loc: Olympia, Washington
..hmm th topic i clicked on..got changed or somthing..moving post

_________________________
"Ignoring mortality, we worship mediocrity" -Greg Graffin

"Live fast, die young, leave a great looking corpse" -Ronny Van Zant

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#16716 - 01/27/04 05:06 PM Re: remembering and healing
Andrew Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/25/03
Posts: 1192
Hi Lee,

Quote:
i cant remember hardly anything before i was 18 and after that it is kind of hazy. i have some doubts about what was done and if it was done. ive been assured it has but i have a hard time beleving it. ive had all the troubles that come with S/A. all the anger and drugs and alcohol. why cant i accept that i was abused?
Who has assured you it happened? Anger, drugs and alcohol are certainly symptomatic of sexual abuse, but they are also the symptoms of many other things too. You say you have doubts about what was done or if it was done, a hard time believing it. Is it possible that your shrink is trying to convince you that it happened in order to put a nice little label on your file? Peace, Andrew

_________________________
there is no courage without anxiety

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#16717 - 01/27/04 05:13 PM Re: remembering and healing
lee75 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/04
Posts: 37
Loc: utah
im the oldest in a family of 8. my dad S/A my sister and she's fourth down the line. the brother yonger than me abused my sis. my sister says she knows i was abused. there are more signs and i asked my mom and she said i probably was. im to the point where memories are trying to come through and i get emotional flashbacks.

_________________________
Lord, i hope this day is good. im feeling empty and misunderstood. i should be thankful, lord, i know i should, but lord, i hope this day is good. DON WILLIAMS

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#16718 - 01/30/04 08:57 PM Re: remembering and healing
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Lee
as someone once said "if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck , then it almost certainly is a duck !"
And your family history, along with your drink and drugs problems make it look like abuse.

I've just read your other post here about shame, and that's another sign. I had that written across my forehead for over 30 years.
But the shame actually lies elsewhere, with the abuser. It's his and his alone, as we heal we give it back. It's a great feeling.

So stick around and get all the support, help and friendship you need. There's a good bunch of guys here, and we want you to join us.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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