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#170487 - 08/02/07 09:26 AM Re: Was my husband raped by a woman? [Re: thewife]
indygal Offline
Member

Registered: 06/22/06
Posts: 439
Originally Posted By: thewife

Plus, he has said that if he was single he'd have probably loved it. Yuck.


wife,

i think here he is grasping at any possibility that could exist in which he might have reacted differently, as in, not have submitted, which is what is eating away at him.

he's trying to imagine a different scenario, trying to make sense of a situation which is not one of sex, but one of power, like all abuse, this woman wanted to exploit her power over your husband in his most vulnerable of places. she succeeded. he is trying to imagine how it happened, as it is unimaginable to him.

indy

_________________________
my avatar is one of the Battle Angel characters, fighting the good fight.

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#170526 - 08/02/07 01:47 PM Re: Was my husband raped by a woman? [Re: indygal]
thewife Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/16/07
Posts: 40
Jaybee - Ouch! Thanks for giving me the kick in the pants that I so obviously needed.

Mark and Indy,

You're both right. My nature is simply to work a problem until I either fix it or kill it. I can see that neither of those options are realistic in this situation. My brain goes a million miles a minute though, and I don't know how to shut it off. It's like a slide show of questions and scenarios. Ugh.


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#170527 - 08/02/07 01:51 PM Re: Was my husband raped by a woman? [Re: thewife]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Originally Posted By: thewife
My brain goes a million miles a minute though, and I don't know how to shut it off. It's like a slide show of questions and scenarios.

if you figure THAT one out - please tell me how. my brain never sleeps either - or so it seems most days.

Seriously, I want to say: The fact you are trying so hard to understand and support your husband shows me the incredably STRONG love you have him. If you stay in that love, you will work this out.

\:\)

M


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#170699 - 08/03/07 10:09 AM Re: Was my husband raped by a woman? [Re: MarkK]
thewife Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/16/07
Posts: 40
Last night when he got home from work he said he had something to tell me. Given what I learned last time he said that I almost passed out. He told me that before the girl who attacked him left she told another girl in the office her version of what happened. My H knew this, and yesterday he talked to this girl. He started telling her how much he loves me (which is all he says he originally set out to tell her, because he wanted her to know) and ended up telling her that he was raped. He said the more he started talking the more he realized that he needed her to know that. He wanted her to know what kind of man he was and what kind of girl the other person was. H told me it was one of the hardest things he had ever done, but he was glad after he did it. She told him she completely believed him. He also said that he knows that she still talks to the other girl, and he said that after he told her he realized that she would relay this information to the other person and he realized that he was ok with that. He is sure she will lie and twist it, but he wants her to know what she did to him and this way he doesn't have to face her to tell her.

I just sat there in shock, listening to everything he said. Then he looked at me and said, "I am 100% sure about what happened that night, I am a rape victim and I need your help." All of sudden everything that I've been trying to reason and rationalize went away. It doesn't matter that I don't have all the gory details, all that matters is that I need to support this man who I love so much, and who is hurting so badly.


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#170713 - 08/03/07 11:10 AM Re: Was my husband raped by a woman? [Re: thewife]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
I am SO jazzed for you and him. Not, of course, that he's hurting badly, but that you two have crossed the bridge TOGETHER and now he can start healing.

This news has made my morning - thank you for sharing it!

Originally Posted By: thewife
It doesn't matter that I don't have all the gory details, all that matters is that I need to support this man who I love so much, and who is hurting so badly.

Now this, I have tears for. Again, I am SO glad you are on the road together. It will make it so much easier for him, having the woman he loves at his side.

YES!!!


M


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#170717 - 08/03/07 11:33 AM Re: Was my husband raped by a woman? [Re: MarkK]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Fantastic Wife, I second what Mark says, I have tears for how happy I am for you two. You guys can get get through this wife. Love conquers all!!!

Stay strong
Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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