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#166651 - 07/14/07 10:37 AM Re: male on male rape.. It happened to me [Re: Nate]
Lazarus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/01/07
Posts: 851
Loc: Below the radar, USA
This is not uncommon in the gay community. I would guess that a lot of it is unreported because the victim may feel that they deserved it, the sex was probably what they were out looking for in the first place, and "did I drink too much or did somebody slip me a mickey?" "I remember flirting with the guy and didn't say NO before I passed out, so am I hurt because he raped me or because I missed it?"

Abuse occurs when you don't have the capacity, capability or free will to say no to everything that happens to your body. Even if you said Yes earlier, if you don't have the ability to say yes again when push comes to shove, you were raped. You had no choice. Even if you aren't sure in your mind whether you should call it rape or not, the guilt, shame and hurt are symptoms of abuse.

I hope this sheds some light,

Lazarus

_________________________
"That which does not kill us, surely makes us stonger." - Neitsche

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#166707 - 07/14/07 04:57 PM Re: male on male rape.. It happened to me [Re: Lazarus]
Nate Offline
Guest

Registered: 04/30/07
Posts: 94
Loc: Philadelphia, PA
that's great light lazarus.

_________________________
"Love the moment. Flowers grow out of dark moments. Therefore, each moment is vital. It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each, is to succeed."

- Corita Kent

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#476766 - 02/07/15 06:11 PM Re: male on male rape.. It happened to me [Re: Lazarus]
vrocotamy Offline


Registered: 01/15/15
Posts: 53
Loc: North Jersey/New York City
Originally Posted By: Lazarus
This is not uncommon in the gay community. I would guess that a lot of it is unreported because the victim may feel that they deserved it, the sex was probably what they were out looking for in the first place, and "did I drink too much or did somebody slip me a mickey?" "I remember flirting with the guy and didn't say NO before I passed out, so am I hurt because he raped me or because I missed it?"

Abuse occurs when you don't have the capacity, capability or free will to say no to everything that happens to your body. Even if you said Yes earlier, if you don't have the ability to say yes again when push comes to shove, you were raped. You had no choice. Even if you aren't sure in your mind whether you should call it rape or not, the guilt, shame and hurt are symptoms of abuse.

I hope this sheds some light,

Lazarus



I found this old thread and agree with your comment completely. I struggled until last month to call what happened to me my freshman year of college rape, since I was looking for some kind of sexual encounter and ultimately consented to sex, after refusing a few times, under coercion/duress. What happened to me and the posters is unfortunately quite common among gay men, at least as common as date-rape perpetrated by men on women - and it's an even less discussed epidemic.

And although it's hard not to blame date rape on yourself - I certainly have many times, as the poster up-thread said, blamed it on my stupidity or abnormality or degenerate/self-destructive tendencies - it's not your fault.

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#476769 - 02/07/15 07:30 PM Re: male on male rape.. It happened to me [Re: WesQ]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 1034
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Hi Vrocotamy,

My experience is blame is a severe hindrance to learning. As long as I'm in the blame/shame circular drain, I'm stuck in the energy. I wouldn't want that for myself or for anyone else. I lovingly hope there is some way for me to move past the need to blame someone else for my experiences and simply to learn from them. That way I no longer need to repeat them.

Sending you love and support,

Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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