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#166618 - 07/14/07 03:37 AM make out triggers
Nate Offline
Guest

Registered: 04/30/07
Posts: 86
Loc: Ohio
hey guys -- so i just met an amazing guy -- well i've known him a while, but we both recently confessed our crushes on each other and ended up making out.

while we were making out i had a few triggers - mainly whenever he tongue was more forceful. i guess i'm curious as to if something similar has happened to someone else. also what do u do in this situation? i didn't want to make him uncomfortable -- nor say "hey i gotta stop - you're reminding me of being sexually abused." -- that can't make a guy feel good. but at the same time i wanna do what is right for me.... make sense?

i really care for him a lot and don't want to hurt his feelings -- i did calm it down a bit... but really tried to hide my discomfort.

any pointers?

_________________________
"Love the moment. Flowers grow out of dark moments. Therefore, each moment is vital. It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each, is to succeed."

- Corita Kent

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#166645 - 07/14/07 10:02 AM Re: make out triggers [Re: Nate]
Lazarus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/01/07
Posts: 851
Loc: Below the radar, USA
Hi Nate! Welcome to MaleSurvivor; sorry to see you here... ;-)

It's alright for you to say, "Let's take this at my pace," or "I'm not comfortable with this right now, let's do something else." at any time in any relationship. If he persists, you have to insist, and then you know what kind of guy he is. If he's a nice guy, he'll say something like "Oh, I'm sorry! I just got in a hurry cause I like you. We'll slow down." That guy will be a keeper, at least for awhile.

Meanwhile, don't use that as an excuse. Don't hide behind your abuse and withdraw. If he's really interested, you can tell him later. In the meantime, the fact that you're not easy might even be attractive to him.

Finally, get some help with those triggers. There are people here who can give you advice, coping mechanisms and lots of careing help. I'd also like to be the first to suggest that you find someone you trust to talk to about this face to face, preferably someone with some training or familiarity with CSA. At least a coach, mentor or clergyman that you trust. I think you'll find that you feel better.

Best of luck!

Lazarus

_________________________
"That which does not kill us, surely makes us stonger." - Neitsche

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#166706 - 07/14/07 04:53 PM Re: make out triggers [Re: Lazarus]
Nate Offline
Guest

Registered: 04/30/07
Posts: 86
Loc: Ohio
thanks so true -- sadly i'm leaving the country so counseling won't really be an option. i think like u said... take it slow.

_________________________
"Love the moment. Flowers grow out of dark moments. Therefore, each moment is vital. It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each, is to succeed."

- Corita Kent

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