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#165589 - 07/09/07 10:39 AM I can't get clean
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
If Iím innocent
Blameless
Not accountable for the horror that befell me

Why am I the one covered with filth?


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#165590 - 07/09/07 10:41 AM Re: I can't get clean [Re: MarkK]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Mark...I feel ya there.

Alot of times after wards I would shower for days...almost obessively.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#165596 - 07/09/07 10:57 AM Re: I can't get clean [Re: pain4ever]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
i hate this feeling. my mind says it would be easier to just let go and live in squalor than try to clean up. my heart knows better ... so far

_________________________
the story
††† https://1in6.org/men/bristlecone/mark-krueger/

Kirkridge - October 2008
Alta - September 2012
Alta - September 2013

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#165601 - 07/09/07 11:02 AM Re: I can't get clean [Re: MarkK]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Its nothing wrong with you...you did nothing wrong. You have to see, now, that what was done to you was done by dirty people and that does not make you dirty.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#165602 - 07/09/07 11:04 AM Re: I can't get clean [Re: pain4ever]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
i know it's not my fault - but i'm still the one who's left covered in it. at least that's the feeling right now. maybe it's just a depressive phase and will pass. in time.

just sometimes it's real hard to see the purpose in trying.

_________________________
the story
††† https://1in6.org/men/bristlecone/mark-krueger/

Kirkridge - October 2008
Alta - September 2012
Alta - September 2013

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#165603 - 07/09/07 11:08 AM Re: I can't get clean [Re: MarkK]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
We all get there...its a rollercoaster and you have to see the good in your life...the reasons for trying, the reasons for healing?

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

Top
#165605 - 07/09/07 11:10 AM Re: I can't get clean [Re: pain4ever]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
the reasons ... they're still there, but the will to try - to keep wading thru the muck... sometimes I just get tired.

_________________________
the story
††† https://1in6.org/men/bristlecone/mark-krueger/

Kirkridge - October 2008
Alta - September 2012
Alta - September 2013

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#165606 - 07/09/07 11:11 AM Re: I can't get clean [Re: MarkK]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Yes it is exhausting but as I told someone here before, sometimes we need help, we have that here. Other times we are so depressed we can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Its there and if your like me I needed some assistance to see it!

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

Top
#165610 - 07/09/07 11:23 AM Re: I can't get clean [Re: pain4ever]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
light at the end of the tunnel? this tunnel has an END?

M

_________________________
the story
††† https://1in6.org/men/bristlecone/mark-krueger/

Kirkridge - October 2008
Alta - September 2012
Alta - September 2013

Top
#165611 - 07/09/07 11:25 AM Re: I can't get clean [Re: MarkK]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Mark,

Its a journey and MAYBE this tunnel has no end but it gets brighter all the time. I truely think this tunnel has an end... that being acceptance and forgiveness? Alot of the time my tunnel had to do with depression and yes there is a tunnel for that and yes it has an end.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

Top
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