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#165479 - 07/09/07 12:33 AM Triggers?? Is this normall??((Triggering))
Marinan Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/03/07
Posts: 329
So I get triggered when I:

1. Go to bed.
2. Get sexually aroused.
3. Go to the bathroom.
4. Get naked.

So. Is this normal?? Someone here said it must be a living Hell. But for me this is normal.....


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#165489 - 07/09/07 02:51 AM Re: Triggers?? Is this normall??((Triggering)) [Re: Marinan]
theatrekid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/07
Posts: 702
Loc: oregon
Welcome to MS, im pretty new myself but it is a great place.

Every one has things that trigger them i would say these seem pretty normal... normal for us at least, when ever i sit in a leather chair i am reminded of my abuse i think it is different for every one but yours don't seem that unusual.


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#165514 - 07/09/07 08:12 AM Re: Triggers?? Is this normall??((Triggering)) [Re: theatrekid]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Marinan,

What's happening when we get triggered is that our mind notices something around us - a sight, an activity, a smell, whatever - that reminds us of what happened to us when we were abused. That reminder may send us into red alert, cause us to break down in tears, or make us feel very afraid, because our mind is trying to defend us or else is reacting to what happened in the past.

So there really isn't a "normal" state to compare against. What triggers you will depend on so many variables: your abuse history, your home environment, your personality, and so on.

Does this help?

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#165645 - 07/09/07 04:04 PM Re: Triggers?? Is this normall??((Triggering)) [Re: roadrunner]
Marinan Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/03/07
Posts: 329
Yes Road.


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#165647 - 07/09/07 05:08 PM Re: Triggers?? Is this normall??((Triggering)) [Re: Marinan]
Lazarus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/01/07
Posts: 851
Loc: Below the radar, USA
I get 'triggered' when;

1. I try to play an agressive sexual role, I become my abuser.
2. I talk dirty (or think about dirty talk) I become my abuser.
3. I want to something sexual that is 'just for me' I become my abuser.
4. My partner talks dirty, he becomes my abuser.
5. My partner wants to do someting a little bit different, he becomes my abuser.
6. My partner wants to do somethig 'just for me,' he becomes my abuser.

... See a trend here?

also, triggers for me are;

Motoryachts
Venetian blinds
Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata, op 2 (Don't know why only 2 and not 1 or 3
Wooden piano benches
Old rifles
New construction, particularly industrial or commercial stairways
Gravel roads (???)
Holidays aren't great times for me either

It's pretty easy to see that all of these things are intimate and direct reminders of my abuse. Most of them I know why, some of them I have no idea.

Of course, there are more, but you get the idea.

_________________________
"That which does not kill us, surely makes us stonger." - Neitsche

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#165681 - 07/09/07 09:04 PM Re: Triggers?? Is this normall??((Triggering)) [Re: Lazarus]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Laz,

That's one hell of a list, and sure, it's quite normal for a guy not to know why some things trigger him. In my own case there were times I wish I didn't know; the memory had been suppressed for a pretty good reason.

In time, as you make progress, I think you will see that some of these things don't trigger you so badly, or at all. We have those triggers because the minds thinks it needs to warn us of danger or remind us to be ware, but as we heal and gain in confidence we no longer need those warnings and the triggers fade.

When my T and I first talked about this she advised me to let her work with me on those underlying issues rather than working time on the triggers themselves, and that has been very successful in my case. The idea was deal with the causes and the symptoms will fade on their own. Rather like a pot boiling over: which is the better idea, press the lid down tighter, scoop out some of the soup, or turn down the heat? ;\)

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#165710 - 07/09/07 10:49 PM Re: Triggers?? Is this normall??((Triggering)) [Re: roadrunner]
Lazarus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/01/07
Posts: 851
Loc: Below the radar, USA
Actually, the only one I have no clue about is the gravel road, except for a very dim memory I have;

I was 4 years old, and this is one of the earliest memories I have. I was walking down our street, which at the time was just a gravel road, and I was naked. Nothing was wrong, and I have no idea why I was there. Then, an airplane flew over and cast it's shadow down the road at airplane speed, and I was frightened because I didn't know what it was. I turned and ran, but I didn't run towards my house, I ran to my next door neighbor's house.

I learned later in life that my next door neighbor's 17 yr old son was the first person who molested me, so part of this makes sense. But not really in any congitive way. Why was I naked in the street in the middle of the day? I have no idea. For it to stay in my memory for so long must mean something significant, tho...

It's curious...

Laz

_________________________
"That which does not kill us, surely makes us stonger." - Neitsche

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#165751 - 07/10/07 02:53 AM Re: Triggers?? Is this normall??((Triggering)) [Re: Lazarus]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Laz,

The connection may just be that the gravel road led you to end up at the house where you were first abused, as if being on the road was decisive in leading to the abuse. The mind is funny like that - as, for example, my not being able to wear aftershave because the abuse splashed it on himself a lot back when I was an abused boy.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#165783 - 07/10/07 08:33 AM Re: Triggers?? Is this normall??((Triggering)) [Re: roadrunner]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Laz...

Wow...ya know your list...it fits me so well.

1. I try to play an agressive sexual role, I become my abuser.
2. I talk dirty (or think about dirty talk) I become my abuser.
3. I want to something sexual that is 'just for me' I become my abuser.
4. My partner talks dirty, he becomes my abuser.
5. My partner wants to do someting a little bit different, he becomes my abuser.
6. My partner wants to do somethig 'just for me,' he becomes my abuser.

Only I have to add a couple.

7. My partner wants me to tie him up, I become my abuser.
8. My partner wants to tie me up, he becomes my abuser. (This only happenned ONCE trust me).
9. My partner wants to watch porn during sex, He becomes my abuser.

My triggers...

Back of Vans.
Barns.
Lots of smells...barn smells...musty smells.
Theme to Sonic the Hedgehog video game.
Basements.
Ropes of any sort.
Handcuffs.
The smell of Weed.
Showers.
Motorcycles.
Sears.
Lighters.
Hairy men.
Someone saying...Do you trust me.
A young child screaming or crying.

Like you, I know why some of them are triggers but some are completely mysterious.

It amazes me that sex is even existant....too many issues but I do it for my partner.


_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#165865 - 07/10/07 02:53 PM Re: Triggers?? Is this normall??((Triggering)) [Re: pain4ever]
Lazarus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/01/07
Posts: 851
Loc: Below the radar, USA
I hear you man... I hear you.

I 'do it' for my partner too. But you know what? One of these days, I'd like to do it for US. I hear that sex is a beautiful way for two people to become really close, a sharing unmatched anywhere else. When that is true for me, I will know I have healed.

Best to you,

Laz

_________________________
"That which does not kill us, surely makes us stonger." - Neitsche

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