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#164834 - 07/05/07 01:14 AM What? ***Triggers***
Marinan Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/03/07
Posts: 329
The ones who force fucked me...Said they would take care of me...

They said I was their special girl friend. That they would be there for me.

The way they just stole my virginity..

I don't know if I"m a man or woman anymore.

(edited to add trigger warning)



Edited by Dewey2k (07/05/07 02:04 AM)

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#164835 - 07/05/07 01:24 AM Re: What? [Re: Marinan]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
They were telling you lies. Perps are good at that, unfortunately. Sexual confusion is common amoung surivors of male sexual abuse. Particularly since the perps will sometimes tell the victim horrible shit like how pretty they are, or how they are like a girl, etc.

I do not see them as taking your virginity. I see virginity as something that is freely and lovingly given to someone you want. So if that has not happened yet for you, then I see you as a virgin, and I hope you do as well.

_________________________
Eddie

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#164839 - 07/05/07 02:41 AM Re: What? [Re: EGL]
Marinan Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/03/07
Posts: 329
I'm struggling with that. SO much. Some dumbfuck from High School had to stick his butthead into my business and accuse me of not being a virgin.


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#164850 - 07/05/07 04:21 AM Re: What? [Re: Marinan]
Barney Offline


Registered: 07/31/06
Posts: 236
Loc: Southern Utah/Northern Arizon
I think as you work with a therapist to help undo the harm that was done to you, your own sexuality will become clearer to you. It sounds like you are kind of young and maybe not ready to determine what your sexuality is going to be. You have time for that.

As was mentioned, a result of what happened can cause attraction to the same sex. Be patient with your recovery, it will take awhile but you will be so much better off as you make it happen. Hang in there and allow the members here to be a source of support and caring for you.

Barney


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#164871 - 07/05/07 09:08 AM Re: What? [Re: Barney]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
"Said they would take care of me...
They said I was their special girl friend. That they would be there for me."

Trust is the issue...you trusted them...in away and they destroyed that trust. People who we were suppossed to be able trust and we couldnt...well really destroyed us as kids but they cant succeed in destroying us as adults!

They said what they needed to get what they wanted. Thats the hard reality that we have to face.

Getting raped makes you no less of a man. It does not define you! It does not define your sexuality! You define all of that but you dont even have to define it if you dont want to. Labels hurt...especially in your sexuality.

I "label" myself as gay but you know what...I don't "bottom", I dont take it up the rear (sorry, trying to say it nicely), so does that make me less gay?? NO it doesnt! The fact i fall romantically in love with guys, in my opinion, does! So, why would being FORCED and penetrated make you gay???? It doesnt! We are born with our romantic likes....they are not forced on us.

You dont need to be defined...remember that. No one requires you to be defined but yourself.

Sorry I know probably not the gentlest way to put it but I couldnt think of a way to word it.

Sincerely,
Brian



_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#164957 - 07/05/07 06:01 PM Re: What? [Re: EGL]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Marinan,

At the age of 23 you still have a lot of time to decide on issues of your sexuality. It often takes us some professional help, but that's because the issues are so complicated. Don't be afraid to ask for that help.

I really like the comment you got from Eddie on virginity:

Originally Posted By: EGL
I do not see them as taking your virginity. I see virginity as something that is freely and lovingly given to someone you want. So if that has not happened yet for you, then I see you as a virgin, and I hope you do as well.


A gang of teenagers raping a six-year-old boy isn't about sex - it's about sheer abuse of power. When you meet someone you want to share yourself with sexually, go ahead and do it retaining the feeling that this is a very special first time for you. It will be!

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#164998 - 07/05/07 10:26 PM Re: What? [Re: roadrunner]
trusty Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/07
Posts: 167
Loc: Indiana, USA
Marinan,
I'll add one more thing about your confusion over knowing "if you are a man or a woman anymore." Whether it is gender identity or sexual orientation at issue, NO ONE can determine that for you. It is up to you. It may take you a while to determine it (I've just been truly working on my sexual orientation for less than four months, and I'm twice your age), but it is only up to us, as individuals. And, there is no pressure here. Only support. Good luck! You've taken a great first step.

REJ

_________________________
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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