Mike,

I wouldn't say you sound like a hermit, but I sure can understand how you feel. I remember gradually driving away or neglecting almost all the friends I once had, simply because I feared that they would "want me like that" too if I stayed close to them. I thought the abuse was my own fault.

Once we get used to being on our own it's a hard habit to break. I usually can be convinced to go out and do things, but left to my own devices I bet I would sit and watch TV, look at films, play guitar and listen to music all the time. But once I'm out I can have a good time usually. I used to hate being touched, bumped or brushed up against - I took all that as signs of deliberate approaches and thus as danger signals. I don't feel that any longer though, and man, what a relief.

Maybe it would help you get used to crowds if you and your wife were doing something you both like, insread of something you loathe. In all honesty, I can't imagine anything less attractive to me than a casino would be - not because of the crowds, mind you, but because of the sensory overload...too much sensory information coming in all at once from too many directions.

Can you see yourself talking about this with your wife? See if you can find a few things that ease you into more exposure gradually. Meantime, if she wants to go gamble and hang with friends, why not? Just make sure you two have your own "together time" with each other as well.

Much love,
Larry

Eddie, boy do I recognize that one. Tell you what, next time there's a function like that I'll come over and sit at your table and we can talk about the things that we know and understand.

Lots of love,

John

I have my own periods where, other than work, I am a complete hermit. I figure (in spite of plenty of proof to the contrary) that my friends and acquaintances don't want me around because I'm a surly, negative guy.

yes bruised thats what i meant ,to me by myself means im alone but there are other people in the world ,alone means alone in the world no one else exists,no family connection no friends no connection to anything ,alone in the dark. shadow

Maybe the damned casino is just plain BORING. I used to live in a town with a casino and I hated it because whenever any my friends from my hometown area came to visit me, they wanted to go to that stupid casino and give the Indians a bunch of their money, god knows why. It's soooooo exciting to push a bunch of buttons on a machine as it takes all your money. I'll never understand why people gamble. Maybe it's the cynic in me that figures that I'll never win anyway, so what's the point of playing you know?

But I digress. Mike, remember that isolation is a very common coping mechanism for survivors. What I don't understand is how you're like THIS and yet you found someone that you were willing to share your life with and MARRY and even had children. But when I say "like this" I don't mean that in a bad way either.

Mike, you MAY just simply be predisposed to being more comfortable by yourself. Many people are like that, right? But are you feeling panicky/nervous in there as well? You don't seem to indicate that so MAYBE you just don't care to be around strange people in strange places. MAYBE there is nothing wrong with you in this regard. Have you considered that?

Hey man! I can relate too. I work at home, alone. I hate to go out in crowds, even with friends and family. I manage but the anxiety is always there.

Even here, you are not alone...this is a good thing.

Mike,

I would be a hermit if my wife would enable it for me. However she doesn't. I've always forced myself to associate with other people to keep my 'mask' going... so no one will figure out that there is something wrong with me... hermit behaviour would lend weight to that theory in others (thats what my mind keeps telling me anyways).

I get severely stressed when I have to be around people in general. I usually end up with physical illness after periods of time spent with others. its only recently I've started to be a bit selfish and say no to putting myself in social situations where I know I'll end up ill on the other end.

The good thing though Mike is that you are coming here and posting messages, getting out whats on your mind. That's at least something and it doesn't require you to be around people in the physical sense.