I seem to spend most of my time alone . This is my own doing . I just do not care to be around People . Is seems that When I go some where that full of people I just have to get out of the place .
This is causing a strain with my Wife . Because she goes to the Cherokee Casino in Tahlequah , A couple of times a week . The casino gives her $5 to gamble with when she goes . She visits with her friends . This is her outing .
I can not stand the place . She says that I am a Hermit How do you force yourself to go to places ?
I have become like this as a defence meconism because I have serious trust issues sith strangers

Mike,

Boy, can I ever relate. My problem is going to places where I'll have to interact with people i don't know. For example, when I accompanied my girlfriend to her best friend's wedding. I had a really hard time at the dinner/reception. I felt fine during dinner, we were seated at a table with 6 other people that I was able to make small talk with. The problem I had was when people started to leave the table and I was left there sitting by myself. I felt all alone. Even though the room was filled with people, it felt like the walls were closing in on me and I was paralyzed. I couldn't seem to bring myself to get up from that table...it's like I only felt comfortable in that one spot. I feel bad about it as I type this because I think I looked like a freak, you know, the guy who just sat by himself all night? It wasn't exactly the impression I wanted to leave on my girlfriend's friends & family. Anyway, I didn't mean to ramble on, I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in feeling this way.

Relate!! ones got a wife,and the other gots a girlfriend.To me yall already done the hardest thing to get a wife or girlfriend.....I wouldn't say any yall are hermits.Maybe since you progressed in age,your life priorities have changed,and thats normal............Like when i was 17 years old(to busy getting drunk and high with friends) ,i was never home,but im now 37 and im always home........

work ----------home--------------work-----------home------------work------------home----------store for provisions-----------home-------------work----------home------------ my life

Yes, I can relate to all of the above as well. Being where there are people doesn't bother me near as bad as having to interact with those people. For me, it's usually because I am self-conscious about what they are thinking of me, or being worried that I'm going to say something stupid, etc. And BruisedSpirit, I can really relate about what you said about being left at the table by yourself. My wife is a social person, so she'll get up and go float around the room at receptions and such. Usually, I'm left sitting at a table by myself, arranging the silverware in perfect parallels to each other, sipping tiny sips of water, counting squares on the ceiling, etc.

As far as how to force yourself to go to places like this, the thing that usually brings me some amount of entertainment is people-watching. Too, you might see someone similarly detached and sitting alone, so you could try striking up a conversation with them as well. They'd probably be glad for the conversation.

Skingraph, don't let the fact that I'm in a relationship fool you. My GF and I have been together for 12 years and I'm surprised everyday that she's still with me. I'm convinced that, if we hadn't met because we shared an apartment with a few other people when we were in school, I'd still be single to this day. However, because we live in two different cities, and I'm all by myself most of the time, my regular routine closely matches that of Sabata's.

i like being by myself ,but thats way different from being alone,being by myself is ok being alone is not

Shadowkid,

I really like that statement, I'm just trying to get my head around it. Am I understanding you correctly, that we have a choice to be by ourselves or not, but to be alone is a feeling inside of us that gives us no choice, that loneliness is something we don't control?

In childhood, I'd hide out in the woods for entire days...or out on the ocean on my boats where NO ONE could get to me. In my 20s I'd spend endless amounts of time in a very remote house in the wilderness around Moosehead Lake in Maine. So yeah, I can relate. I knew this type of issolation was getting bad, so I'd force myself into breaking-out one step at a time. Baby-steps!!!

Sabata,thats me all the way,specially since the internet arrived the past 20 years.Amozon and newegg.com are my best friends,and they deliver to my door too.But thease friends always wanna take my money!!