Hope, Fear & Trust????
My hope can be somewhat skittish.
Ephemeral at times and hardly like the anchor symbol used by some.
Hope for and within myself took a while to manifest.
Trust issues, and fear can be the core of my distress.
At times I think I am going along just so fine, possible fears
I can control or know how to handle I tell myself
Usually delusional thinking – I have a PhD on the subject
AND THEN BAM!
My bottom falls out, like a wet grocery paper bag
And contents smash and bounce all over the place.
And I am left standing devastated and yell “what in hell caused that?” I ask the mannequin in the window.
And there is no reply. There is silence.
So I yell again. Then along comes a dog called “Nemo the pooch”
And pisses on my shoe, looks up at me and says “You look pretty stupid yelling at a store mannequin.”
“But that’s my friend, my buddy.” I’m pretty sure it is, I tell myself.
“You think it is your friend, your buddy? It's not him. He is far away, in another place. You want that mannequin to be him, looking all so neat and tanned, still holding his polo crop, smiling that wonderful smile so many have seen, but not lately because he is so far away. Still. What’s he doing with a polo crop? Nothing strange I hope.”
I shake my head in disbelief. I thought I heard his voice I keep telling myself. He said ‘froggy’ – no one else calls me that. And I start to cry.
Nemo gives me a pitying look and snorts “have you forgotten all that you spouted before, you pompous Twit? Your ‘empathy?! Your understanding? What happened to it jack off? Run out of juice? Hahaha. “
But I am human, I too have feelings. My emotions are still a little raw and tender. Aren’t I allowed to feel loss? Rejection, be it real or not?
You are allowed to my friend. But they have run amok and time to reel them back inside yourself. You will die otherwise.
But It is difficult to let go of something when I have no idea what it is. “You will, be patient” and he starts to lift his leg again, then changes his mind and goes off wagging his tail.
So I to begin to hope again and maybe my friend will really appear, but I have to wait. I have done it before.
froggy of many dimensions & some are real.