As Lorie has already commented, there's no fixing things that are in the past. We can only fix ourselves in the present and work for a better future.
One step in that process is to acknowledge and "own" our past. We have to identify how we feel and accept that these feelings are real and form the basis from which we have to start. But that doesn't mean the feelings are true. Take the example of guilt: feeling
guilty doesn't make
me guilty, right? But if I want to heal from my feelings I do have to admit what those feelings are. It's like other injuries: could I heal from a broken arm, for example, if I won't admit that my arm is broken?
Working through your feelings is where you are now, Adam. It hurts and it takes time, but you will get there. Believe me, you will. So many other guys here have been through this or are there right now. Just keep talking to us and let us sit together with these things and see what we can do.