Could you be more specific please?

Post deleted by ttoon

At Adam's request, I am posting one of the letters that he found up in his attic. For those of you who don't know Adam, aka Shadowkid, I suggest that you go through the archives and read his story before you read this letter.

Adam before I post this I have to say this: I am humbled by the level of pain and betrayal that you have endured, all of which happened when you were just starting out in life. And yet, I REALLY mean this ok?, they could hurt you, but they could't break you. They couldn't break you. You were always better than that whole sick and twisted excuse for a family that you were born into. And I know this sounds kind of icky-sweet but I would do anything to go back and take you into a loving home that you deserved. This wasn't an easy letter to read but this NEEDS to be talked about. You're Mom doesn't deserve to be "resting in peace" right now.............and it pisses me off that someone could ever be treated like this. Ok here it is:

*crying, hiding my tears at the office*

So sorry, Adam! But I'm still glad you shared this--trusted us with it. No shame.

David

Adam,

I am so sorry. I hadnt seen that letter before. Makes me cry and its a good thing. We are here to help.

Brian

how do you fix this?

Adam,

You cant fix your past...you can only come to terms with it. You deserved to be loved yet you werent. That is a crime in itself. Too much to say but it would come out kind of harsh...not toward you Adam but toward your family.

You cant fix your family...but you have to stop letting them hurt you in one way or another.

Brian

You can't fix the past...only change the future. And know that is not your reality now.

Shadow can have what he wanted now...Adam can have this now.

I can't write any more....words are too empty for this pain.

Here's my quick opinion-answer: Grieve the losses. No grieving is pleasant, but healing comes from grieving.

Adam,



As Lorie has already commented, there's no fixing things that are in the past. We can only fix ourselves in the present and work for a better future.

One step in that process is to acknowledge and "own" our past. We have to identify how we feel and accept that these feelings are real and form the basis from which we have to start. But that doesn't mean the feelings are true. Take the example of guilt: feeling guilty doesn't make me guilty, right? But if I want to heal from my feelings I do have to admit what those feelings are. It's like other injuries: could I heal from a broken arm, for example, if I won't admit that my arm is broken?

Working through your feelings is where you are now, Adam. It hurts and it takes time, but you will get there. Believe me, you will. So many other guys here have been through this or are there right now. Just keep talking to us and let us sit together with these things and see what we can do.

Much love,
Larry