I remember when I was 6 or 7.
Our bio. 'mother' had been away for a couple of days. Wich we didn't mind cause that was a few days of not having to be scared.
I was doing the dishes. I heard her come home.
She yells at me for not having finished the dishes.
I hear my brothers walking to our bedroom, I'm glad cause I know there will be a beating or worse they don't have to see it.
I freeze when I see a man appearing in the door to the kitchen.
He tells her I better word the 20 (or was it 30 I don't know) bucks. He takes me to my 'mothers' bedroom.
That was one of the worst ever.
I remember I was bleeding for many days after and def wasn't able to go to school.
There are more memories like this. There were so many man.
I still shake and feel all kinds of emotions like back then when I think about em. Feeling of loneliness, powerlesness, dirty, ashamed, pain and so on. Like I'm not just remembering them but it's happening right now.
Sometimes I still feel her stabbing me. That's def the most pain I've ever felt, physically that is.
People say you got to talk about it but I can't do that.