Newest Members
JayNL, Robert Barrett, lostsoul824, beatcook, MassGuy
12279 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
cainrafael (28), GL (67), JohnP725 (66), Lloydy (61), Marie-TwoOfUs (35)
Who's Online
3 registered (ethereo222, George F, pufferfish), 25 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12279 Members
73 Forums
63186 Topics
441832 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 3 of 4 < 1 2 3 4 >
Topic Options
#16427 - 11/20/05 08:56 AM Re: first timer scared crapless!
Whicker Offline
Member

Registered: 11/01/03
Posts: 117
Loc: Pastures of Oregon
ShadowKid,

I replied to your Post, but was apparently too militant in my perspective. (it was removed)

Protect yourself by all legal means available to you.

Don't hesitate in visiting here, and sharing your thoughts with other male survivors. Most of us can relate to your feelings and even if not, are here to listen to you in your time(s) of need.

Whicker

_________________________
Esse Quam Videri
(To be, rather than to seem)

Top
#16428 - 11/23/05 02:53 AM Re: first timer scared crapless!
endlessjourney Offline
Member

Registered: 11/01/05
Posts: 518
Loc: Cincinnati Ohio
Hey shadow, I'm Jason. I know you're really scared right now but keep in mind that you had already stood up to him once. I couldn't imagine anything more gutwrenching than describing (in detail) in front of your perp and a whole court room what he had done to you. Not many have the courage to do that. When a situation comes if it comes, that courage will more than likely be there. Just remember what happened to him the last time he hurt you, I know he does. I'm sure he wants you to be scared. Fear is a natural reaction but don't let it control you. Fear is what kept us in the dark for so long. Take pride in what you did. Remember, you can see to it that he goes back to where he came from if he tries something. You are in control now. What helps me out in similar situations is when I'm alone, I simply say "F--K him!" over and over again with conviction. It helps me to get pissed. When I get pissed, the fear subsides temporarily. When i get mad, I almost want to run into my perp just to show him that he cant control me. (However, if you're really mad at the time, i would try to avoid him because being emotional can backfire on you). Be careful, but be confident, you came out on top last time and you were 13. Now you are 21 and are more in control of yourself than you were then. He could be the biggest toughest badass in town but, the strongest part of the body is your mind. You can always, talk and express yourself to us in this sight. You're definitely in the right place.

Jason

_________________________
Truth is the very reason we strive to live. It surrounds and resides within us. Accepting the truths we already know and seeking out those we do not is a direct path to inner balance and joy. For life is not a means to an end, but a journey. Life comes and goes but the truth will always live on.

Top
#16429 - 11/23/05 03:52 AM Re: first timer scared crapless!
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Shadow,

Please remember a few things. First, as you can see from Ken's post (he is a social worker so he knows), your perp would be in serious trouble if he tried even to contact you or come close to you. Cowards may like to make threats from prison, but usually they do not relish the idea of returning to prison.

Another thing, bro, is that you are remembering how things were when you were 13 and a terrified boy. You are an adult now, and there are a lot of resources at your disposal. If you feel frightened that is normal, but don't let him get any clue of that. Talk to us here, to friends you trust, and make sure you have the name, address, and contact details for the prosecutor who handled his case and his parole officer.

Do you see what he is trying to do, by the way? He is trying to get his kicks through control and intimidation, which is what abuse is really all about. If he thinks this effort is failing he may simply lose interest. But if you have any fears or insecurities, let the relevant authorities know right away.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#16430 - 11/23/05 04:02 AM Re: first timer scared crapless!
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
i wish i had people around when i was 13 sure could have used some advice back then .after 10 years of being told to never talk about it ,to be ashamed of it i found a place where i can talk and people will listen !! i'm amazed .thanks so much for showing me i'm not the only one like this.i have contacted the people who put him in jail but they say if he don't break parole they can't touch him ,he has rights you know!!!i have been trying to post my story on that forum ,if you read it you will understand my fear ,this man owned me heart and soul ,i gave up completly to him to stay alive ,he broke my mind and he still has the key to my soul . shadow

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

Top
#16431 - 11/23/05 04:07 AM Re: first timer scared crapless!
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Shadow,

I know how you feel bro. But there is so MUCH difference between you then and you now, and part of that is you don't have to stay silent and feel ashamed any longer. Yes, your perp has rights, but so do you. If he crosses the line even a bit he is in DEEP shit.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#16432 - 11/23/05 06:18 AM Re: first timer scared crapless!
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home
SCARED TO SACRED

The day I was full of fears, I didnít feel God besides me. My journey away from being scared has been the one of discovering the sacred in me.

It is not the actual event that destroys us, what destroys our life is our own fear of it.
And then one day we realise, all that fear wasn't real.

_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

Top
#16433 - 11/23/05 07:30 AM Re: first timer scared crapless!
melliferal Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/03/05
Posts: 1159
Quote:
Originally posted by shadowkid:
i;m not too sure how this works ,but i'm shadow and i sure could use some help ,i think most of my problem right now is how much our courts let me down .i put him away ,now he is out and he is going to get me ,i just know it .if anyone asked me if they should prosecute someone my advice would be NO. i'm 21 now ,i was 13 when he went to jail .if anybody wants to talk please let me know shadow
I sit here in a warmish room some 1500 miles from where my abuse took place, which was in San Antonio, Texas. I do not see myself visiting that town again. Am I afraid of meeting my perpetrators again? Quite possibly. I never turned them in; to this day they could be free as birds, free to do to other children what they did to me. Or, they could've stopped and now live perfectly moral lives. Perhaps one of their victims - aye, even their own children - may have turned them in, or they've been busted in some sort of sting operation and are now languishing in prison. But I wouldn't know. They could still be 1500 miles away. They could live two streets over. -I don't know-. Should I make an effort to find out? Do I have to confront them? I don't think it's necessary, I don't believe it would accomplish anything, and there are reasons I feel that way that are particular to my situation. But whatever the situation, I don't think you HAVE to confront, if you don't want to. And if that ends up meaning NEVER confronting, that's fine. As it stands, I think you've done your "confronting" already; there's no need for any more.

You see people here talking about parole officers and restraining orders; it's good advice, but down inside you don't really believe they'll work, do you? They're the wares of a system which, in your personal experience, isn't particularly trustworthy. And anonymous names on a website probably don't outrank your personal experience. So you remain uncertain.

If I may offer a suggestion, do not overlook JapanZen's very powerful advice. If you feel unsafe - if the paperwork doesn't convince you, if the locks don't look very sturdy suddenly - there is nothing wrong with seeking shelter elsewhere. Perhaps moving to Japan is a bit too extreme for you - but go as far as you think you need to, be it a friend's house or Aunt Ella's in Reno. Drop out of sight and set up on your own somewhere - it CAN be done. It's not a matter of "courage" or "standing your ground". It's not "letting him win", it's not "living in fear". It's about security and peace of mind. And however far you go in your recovery (should you choose to recover), the one thing that is certain is that you won't go anywhere as long as you're constantly looking over your shoulder.

Wherever you go, I hope that you will return here. Take some time and read. You won't find a story exactly like yours here - and you won't need to; you'll still be able to relate. No two stories here are the same, and yet they are all the same. We each stand in our own little back-alleys, but they all branch off the same street. And having been down that same street is what allows us to trust each other with things we can't trust anybody else with.

_________________________
Children cannot consent; they can only comply.

Oprah's resources for male survivors

Top
#16434 - 11/23/05 08:45 AM Re: first timer scared crapless!
Derdlecar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1314
Loc: Ogden Utah, USA
Shadow

There is alot of advice posted above. Some I agree with and some I don't but who am I to tell you that. who knows? the advice I think stinks may be the best for you. You have a whole truck load or replies to your post. To me, that means that the people here love you. We care because we too have been victomized. We have felt the fear and pain, the anger and frustration. No human should ever have to walk this road but here we are.

Don't be amazed that we talk to you. We come here because we also need help. We also come here because it is a place were we can help each other.

Anyway, you are the one to to decide what is right for you. Go in confidence my friend. Keep us posted, we will reply.

Hang in there my friend

Darrel

_________________________
If a man would get his life on track, he must first go back to the place where it was derailed.

Top
#16435 - 11/23/05 11:03 AM Re: first timer scared crapless!
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home
We all speak from our personal experiences, and they might differ from yours verily. So naturally, our opinions would be tinted by our individual life experiences and some advices would be biased by our unfinished emotional businesses.

So you may do what I did, read every one's advice, but followed my own inner voice.

One more thing, I would rather have you strong and free, rather than follow my advice. So I would rather have you get lost four times, and make your own way than follow my way. Because in the end your way is your and mine way is mine. Though your goal is mine.

It might make me feel good for while that you followed MY advise but in the end whats best for you, only God knows and you.

_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

Top
#16436 - 11/23/05 04:52 PM Re: first timer scared crapless!
george of kent Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/05
Posts: 305
Loc: delaware
Just "hangin' in there" with you.
Our conflicting suggestions, above, may be confusing and even possibly unhelpful in the aggregate; but, individually, they do represent the thoughts of each caring, supportive individual man here who each only wants for you to be strong, happy and safe. Do what you have to do; trust your gut at least as much as you trust your head; stay in touch.
Love, etc.,

_________________________
"We are only two and yet our howling can encircle the world's end.
Frightened, you are my only friend.
And frightened we are, every one.
Someone must take a stand -- Coward, take my coward's hand"
Arthur Laurents

Top
Page 3 of 4 < 1 2 3 4 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.