I feel with your dilemma. I was abused by a Scout leader, but he was also a deacon in our church and presented himself to me as a bigshot and very powerful man - all to get what he wanted of course. The way he used religion as one of his tools to manipulate and devastate me slowly wrecked me spiritually, and I cannot say with any confidence that this is an area of recovery in which I will succeed.
I don't think there are any easy answers to your question but I can recommend a book that helped me a lot: When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Harold S. Kushner. the author is a rabbi who lost his son at age 14 to a slow wasting disease. The book isn't a specifically Jewish view, and you can read it without getting bogged down in the theology. It was helpful to me because I felt I was in the company of someone else who was struggling with a similar question.
Have you considered attending a Weekend of Recovery dedicated to clergy abuse? This might be a decisive experience for you, and certainly it would be helpful to interact with other guys with similar issues.
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me. (Woody Guthrie)