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#163718 - 06/27/07 05:42 PM Just Go Away
Bobby Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
Do you remember when I used to sit beside you
When you were in your big green chair
Smoking
And I had to catch the ashes before they fell on you

I hated you

But I prayed for you
Every hour of every day, I prayed for you to get well

For years
I prayed for God to make you well
And then one day I thought that, if I could just take your place
Tell God that he could have me instead
Maybe then, he would make you well

But I couldn't do it

So, I hated you more

And all my life I waited for you to say you loved me
And you never did......ever
And then I got my first college report card
And you showed it to everyone who walked through the door
How well I'd done

And I hated you for loving the grades, but still not loving me
It was the first time you had ever been proud of me
Over silly grades

Too late

And then I started getting my memories back
The things you did
Then we did.....together
And I wondered why
Why you would do those things

And then I realized you must have hated me....all along
Why else

I'm tired of hating now
Tired of being hated
You come to me at night, you know
And in the day
And hate me

And I hate you back

And, so, hate myself

Go away
Go away, Daddy

Please,

Just

Go

Away

_________________________
I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.




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#163733 - 06/27/07 07:44 PM Re: Just Go Away [Re: Bobby]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Bobby,

I weep for the kid who has to discover things like this, but the truth is what we have to build on, isn't it? Hold on to Little Bobby, look to the future when you can, and in the meantime know you are loved.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#163735 - 06/27/07 07:52 PM Re: Just Go Away [Re: roadrunner]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Hi, Bobby. That was painful to read, given my relationship with my own father. I hear you and understand you, man.

_________________________
Eddie

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