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#163024 - 06/23/07 10:33 AM Why more tears?
froggy12 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/06
Posts: 527
Loc: Marlboro, MA 01752
Why more tears?

I thought I had no more tears
I was wrong

The person who allowed me to know my soul is not dead
Has gone into limbo, again
And I don’t know why.

The person who lost his way along life’s pitted roads
Then discovered it was thru a cave with horrible things
On its walls, floors, filled with putrid airs
And he stumbled and fell but kept on going

Until

He thought he saw the light, not from the other end
But above him
There was a hole and it was tiny
He was big
So he began to push and shove his way through
Because his life depended on it
He knew that , but kept on grunting and wiggling
And popped through only to discover
There was another hole to crawl through

And he began to squeeze his way through again
Then stopped.

I don’t why he froze in that spot or so it seemed
I don’t know how he is, what he thinks, what he feels like
His words have stropped

And I don’t know why.

He tried to send me a message
But his words died in the air
So I kept asking him to repeat what he said
And all I heard was my own echo

And I tried again and cried ‘please, don’t stop now’
And all I heard was the wind from my window
Even the birds were silent
They wanted to hear it as well, so they could congratulate me
Then the crows began to mock us
Caw, Caw, Caw you fools why do you still listen
For a sound that died.
They flew away. What do they know? I whispered to no one

And the tears began again and I raged
Like my mother on her knees on the floor on the day my father died
“Why did you leave and not tell me?” she screamed

And my tears kept falling and I yelled at God again
“WHY do you do this to me over and over?”

You tricked me again, you let me think I could feel again
You let me feel good inside
Only to have it ripped out again and again and again
And leave me hanging in the air, spinning, and crying
And filling up with emptiness, again.

_________________________
??

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#163172 - 06/24/07 10:02 PM Re: Why more tears? [Re: froggy12]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
froggy,

Progress in recovery is a funny beast. Sometimes we think we are getting somewhere and then discover we were wrong; other times we think we have been stuck for ages but suddenly see signs that during that time we were making a lot of progress. We forget that calm can be the lull before the storm and that good results can sometimes hurt. I guess we just have to keep going.

I have always found it important to bounce how I feel off others, much as you are doing now. Often times others can see the broader picture that we are missing and can remind us of useful points that we don't yet have in focus.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#163219 - 06/25/07 02:31 AM Re: Why more tears? [Re: roadrunner]
froggy12 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/06
Posts: 527
Loc: Marlboro, MA 01752
"....but being able to enjoy the moments of quiet and beauty alone in thought. That is serenity. So really precious, so rarely felt." I wrote to a friend about my time in Maine.

So not all is recurring male menopause with me, I was just overwhelmed for a few days and this is how I felt and I do write things or rather, hit the keyboard to vent.

froggy

_________________________
??

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#163232 - 06/25/07 08:33 AM Re: Why more tears? [Re: froggy12]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
froggy,

Getting overwhelmed for a few days is something that often happens. I'm glad you took the opportunity to say how you felt, and it's probably a good thing too when we have a record of what we said and felt in those moments. It's all a part of our healing.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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