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#163057 - 06/23/07 04:06 PM I must be delusional again
froggy12 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/06
Posts: 527
Loc: Marlboro, MA 01752


I really am a pompous ass
I have told folks "oh yeah, it's easy to change your moods
when you want to, I do all the time" I tell myself
but the pain of silence has returned big time
BIG TIME FOLKS, Step right up and watch the man twitch,
count the twitches and the winner will get a
BRAND NEW GW Bushwhacker empty likker bottle.

I went out to the yard and talked to my tomato plants:
How do ladies?! Nice June afternoon here in Noo Ing-land
this somewhat breezy Sa-tah-day. Do you think you can help me out with my problem?
Oh, you're busy. You too? Maybe the weeds have some time.
They don't.

So I sit on the green plastic chair where I sat last summer and watched you, my far away friend, sob your heart out. You really did. The first time I ever saw desolation in its true form but I kept silent. It was your pain, not mine. I really was afraid to feel it you know, no more pain for me today thank you very much
and I don't need a refill. The pain tank is quite full.

Then you gave me that look
and suddenly you were that sorrowful jesus we learned about so long ago. I suddenly knew what his pain was like. I saw it in your face and all I could do is pat you on the shoulder because I was afraid to touch you.

The pain I saw and felt was not the Mel Gibson pain of Jesus because that was fake. You are the bloodless Jesus writhing with the anguish of all the abused children of the world
but you are not them, you are you, my Jewish Jesus with another name. You helped set me free from the emptiness of self,
but didn't know it. You befriended me like another stray you found along your way and I trotted right behind you.
I was so happy, someone cared.

Now you seem to be in the nether lands, out of reach, out of touch, out of hearing and no matter what I do to try to change my mindset, nothing works. Did it ever? this state of mind: Oh, think positive, think think think and it gets worse.

And there is absolutely no one who can listen to me
So I sit and twitch, stand and twitch can't decide what to eat and still twitch and say to the wall: god, why have you abandoned me again? And once again god said nothing.

_________________________
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#163059 - 06/23/07 04:55 PM Re: I must be delusional again *DELETED* [Re: froggy12]
ttoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/19/07
Posts: 977
Post deleted by ttoon

_________________________
checkin out for a few weeks... whistle
02/07/09

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#163068 - 06/23/07 07:10 PM Re: I must be delusional again [Re: ttoon]
froggy12 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/06
Posts: 527
Loc: Marlboro, MA 01752
Dave,

Thank you. I have a Master's in mental S&M for emergencies. No prerequisites but it helps to have Gaelic genes* thumping someplace in the body. I am a card carrying member of Pervs Anonymous, so what do you expect?

froggy

* Gaelic genes thump, no matter what the others do.

_________________________
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