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#163538 - 06/26/07 09:00 PM Re: Bless me Father for I have sinned.... [Re: ttoon]
Mark Antony Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/03/07
Posts: 34
Loc: Michigan
ttoon

I do not know what God's reason is for allowing the SA to happen to you. I do not know what God's wishes for you are. You must disern that yourself.
I do know that when evil has happened to me I have learned greatly from it. That is when I have decided too. I could decide too sit around and feel sorry for myself and say see God is just being mean to me again.
Do not get me wrong I have had many times when I have sat and felt sorry for myself. However that has always been my choice. There has always been a point where I make the decision to either grow or feel sorry for myself. Growth is hard work, scarry, and painful, it takes us out of our comfort zone. Growth is also a choice. Freewill is one of the gifts God gives us. We can heal and grow and become a better person for what has happened to us or we can become bitter and use any type of evil that happens to us as "proof" God does not care for us and just wants to inflict pain on us, or maybe really does not exist all. I can't make that choice for you.

I can also say that as a result of evil that has happened to me there has always been a point when I had to make a choice. The choices have always been learn grow and go on with life or sit and feel sorry for myself. I do not always like the learn grow and go on option but it has always been there.

Mark


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#164236 - 06/30/07 11:06 PM Re: Bless me Father for I have sinned.... [Re: Mark Antony]
trusty Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/07
Posts: 167
Loc: Indiana, USA
I surely hope that the pain we all feel and attempt to work through is not misconstrued as feeling sorry for ourselves. It's pretty tough work, and, sure, maybe some of us have handled it better than others.

I first tried to handle it by telling someone about my abuse. I was 7 years old. I confessed, in explicit detail, to my priest. He did absolutely nothing, despite the fact he KNEW who was talking to him. He knew my brother that I named by name. We both went to the church school. My entire family lived a block from the church. HE DID NOTHING!

So, I waited another 25 years to tell anyone else. And now, 42 years after that confession, I'm in a lot of pain...I don't think I'm just feeling sorry for myself. Some of my siblings, however, think that Satan has taken me over because I'm obsessing over my sexual desires for men.

REJ



_________________________
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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#164237 - 06/30/07 11:08 PM Re: Bless me Father for I have sinned.... [Re: trusty]
trusty Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/07
Posts: 167
Loc: Indiana, USA
Oh, I forgot. The priest actually did something. He told me say a "Hail Mary" and an "Our Father" as penance for MY sins; and he told me to go and sin no more.

REJ

_________________________
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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#164424 - 07/02/07 06:32 AM Re: Bless me Father for I have sinned.... [Re: trusty]
Mark Antony Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/03/07
Posts: 34
Loc: Michigan
trusty

There is a huge difference between working through the pain we feel from the abuse and feeling sorry for yourself. One is an active healing process. They other a way to seek pity.
As far as the local Priest not acting on what you told him in the confessional, that is a different issue. The Priest is bound by the seal of the confessional to not tell anyone what is told to him in the confidence of confessional. Why he did not request you to come talk with him outside of the confessional so he could deal with the problem. I can only say was an error of being an imperfect human like all of us. We have all let people down, some in more serious ways than others. Priests are people not some sort of special individual that does not have faults. They make mistakes and they sin like any human. If you chose to be angry with God for what happened to you go ahead. He is a BIG GOD and can take any anger you have for him.
I view his error in handling your situation no worse than mine when the wife of my abuser caught him in the act with me. I waited and waited for a responce but she did nothing. Years later when I asked her why she did not act? Her response was I did not know what to do? I knew it was wrong but did not know what to do.
Could the Priest have been in a simmilar situation? Maybe he did not know how to deal with your problem. Why neither one of these people chose not to seek out what to do I can not answer. If the Priest is still alive you may want to seek him out to ask him. He is the only one who can answer that. You may find he is tortured by his own lack of action. The wife in my case says she is.

Mark


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#165117 - 07/06/07 01:47 PM Re: Bless me Father for I have sinned.... [Re: trusty]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Trusty,

Originally Posted By: trusty
So, I waited another 25 years to tell anyone else. And now, 42 years after that confession, I'm in a lot of pain...I don't think I'm just feeling sorry for myself. Some of my siblings, however, think that Satan has taken me over because I'm obsessing over my sexual desires for men.


I can't speak for the Church, but here on Male Survivor you have every right in the world to all you feelings, whatever they may be. In fact, that's where we all have to start, with how we really feel, even if we don't like those feelings or already know them to be untrue. Our feelings are the reality we have to begin looking at. Your pain is real, and if you regret its impact on you then that doesn't make you pathetic, it makes you human.

As for your sexual feelings for men, if that's what works for you and you are sure of that, then hey, that's you and more power to you. There's isn't anything wrong with being gay, regardless of what religious conservatives say and try to back up with selective quotations from the Bible. No God I would ever be interested in worshiping would make a guy gay by nature (and that's how guys "become" gay) and then condemn him for it.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#165137 - 07/06/07 02:47 PM Re: Bless me Father for I have sinned.... [Re: roadrunner]
trusty Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/07
Posts: 167
Loc: Indiana, USA
Hi Larry,
Thanks much for the encouraging words. I'm actually feeling good today. My wife and I reached a great turning point last night, and I'm feeling pretty okay about myself and the future.

It is a shame that so much of our hurt can be tangled up with issues over our religious faith.

Thanks,
Russ

_________________________
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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#165366 - 07/08/07 08:33 AM Re: Bless me Father for I have sinned.... [Re: trusty]
Mark Antony Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/03/07
Posts: 34
Loc: Michigan
Larry

You have a very typical understanding of what Christian Churches teach about being gay. As for all demoninations I can not say what they teach. As for the Catholic Church it teaches that All unmarried people should remain chaste. It does not matter if you are gay or straight if you are not married sexual intercoures is a sin. Sexual intercourse is reserved for married couples. The big issue I see is that The Catholic Church will not marry a gay or lesbian couple because that type of relationship under the churches definition does not constitute a marriage. A gay or lesbian person by the reason of being gay or lesbian has no more guilt or condemnation than a straight person. If a gay, lesbian, or single straight person elect to seek a sexually active relationship they are all in sin. There are not degrees of sin. Any violation of Gods comandments is sin. One is not condemed for being gay or lesbian provided they remain chaste. They are equally in sin with a straight single person if the gay, lesbian, and straight single are persuing a sexually active relationship. There are at least four gay people in the Catholic Church I attend and they are accepted as well as any of us sinners. Church is a hospital for the spiritually needy not a home for the saints.

Mark


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#165367 - 07/08/07 08:39 AM Re: Bless me Father for I have sinned.... [Re: Mark Antony]
Mark Antony Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/03/07
Posts: 34
Loc: Michigan
ttoon

As for the road less traveled you are right. If you are good with>

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#165374 - 07/08/07 11:16 AM Re: Bless me Father for I have sinned.... [Re: Mark Antony]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
strange how much the gate looks like the inside of the closet door,guess maybe in my innocence i just chose the wrong path ,freewill strikes again! its hard to see the path or the gate when your crying tears of blood. if it happend to an adult i could cope ,if god wont protect the children then i got no use for him ,but i'm glad it works for you

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#165415 - 07/08/07 04:39 PM Re: Bless me Father for I have sinned.... [Re: shadowkid]
theatrekid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/07
Posts: 702
Loc: oregon
Originally Posted By: shadowkid
strange \,if god wont protect the children then i got no use for him ,but i'm glad it works for you


I feel the same way adam... i dont want a god who lets horrible stuff happen to people in my life.

,chris


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