MS...

You dont have to be penetrated to be abused. That is apparently not what he wanted. That does not mean it wasnt abuse...there was just no penetration.

and NO you are not sick at all.

Brian

I am kind of confused. I mean if I am not to play down the abuse issue, how am I to start the journey of healing? I have no idea how to... please advise.

In my opinion...

Playing down is also called minimizing. By making the abuse less than what it was, you are denying what happened to some extent, and thereby repressing it.

What is repressed can not be processed and eventually healed.

so what am i supposed to do then?

msurvivor,

If you view what happened to you as abuse, then it was. Period. Ignoring it won't make it go away, trust me.

I think you are doing what you should do; getting it out, telling your story and getting help. I doubt any of us could deal with this all by ourselves, which is why this website is here.

These 'dirty little secrets' fester and grow in the darkness. Bringing them out into the light doesn't make them go away, but it does weaken the powerful hold they have on us, and hopefully gives us the strength to deal with them in a healthy way.

I'm the last person to give advice, so take this for what it's worth to you; these careing, wonderful people want to help and they can help, if you'll let them.

No, msurvivor, you are not sick! I think maybe you are starved for affection. Drinking lowers inhibitions, and the combination of alcohol and anti-depressants can do weird things to people. Perhaps he misinterpreted your desire for affection as a desire for sex. In any case, it is obvious that he took advantage of you when you were in no condition to refuse. Just because he didn't "go all the way" doesn't make it any less abusive.

M,

For me, counseling has played a vital part of my recovery. It's not for everyone, though: some people have had good experience with counseling (as I have), and others have had bad experiences.

The only way to find out of it is right for you is to try it.

For your physical issues, it would seem that seeing a doctor and getting a complete workup would be best. If there are issues with your health, ignoring them won't make them go away.

msurvivor,



In order to heal we have to face the way things really are. That in turn means we have to acknowledge our feelings and allow ourselves to "own" them. That's often very difficult because survivors have for so long suppressed their feelings and told themselves that how they feel and what they need doesn't matter. As we move away from denial and allow ourselves to feel again, those feelings tell us about areas where we need to do some work. Many survivors fell worthless, for example, or are unable to trust due to what happened to them as boys.

I personally think professional therapy is the way to go; the T will help and guide us so we suffer as little new pain and trauma as possible. There are different approaches to therapy and Ts are of course individuals with different personalities, so finding the T who's right for you may take some time.

I so agree with Dwayne where your physical issues are concerned. You have a lot of worries about testicles and your ability to father children, and that's the kind of thing you need to see a doctor about. That may distress you, but this really is the way to deal with this aspect of things.

Much love,
Larry

as you know from my message, i have left my country. i feel that i am not ready to go back because of the trauma i had. and yet, i feel like to reconciliate with the one who might have abused me (well, as you know, I might have given him false indications...). please advise. well, thank to all who contribute, i feel far better now. i've told my best friend the story and i was supported wholeheartedly.

ms,

Please don't think that you HAVE to reconciliate with the person who abused you. To my way of thinking, the only one you should be reconciliating with would be yourself. It wasn't your fault, you were taken advantage of.

I agree that a good T is essential to learning how to deal with this. Once you learn some new tools it becomes easier but it doesn't happen overnight.

Take good care of yourself,

Steve