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#162501 - 06/20/07 02:58 PM Re: First timer...please help me out. [Re: pain4ever]
trusty Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/07
Posts: 167
Loc: Indiana, USA
Brian,
All I can say is "good for you, man." I'm smiling for you.

The timing of all this is certainly not in my favor. Regarding the age issue relative to our kids, I agree there as well. I think both of my daughters have always thought their father was infallible until this spring.

REJ

_________________________
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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#162504 - 06/20/07 03:03 PM Re: First timer...please help me out. [Re: trusty]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
REJ...we all have to get rid of that image of trying to be infailable with our kids. Its not realistic. Sets up unrealistic expectabtions within themselves.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#162558 - 06/21/07 05:07 AM Re: First timer...please help me out. [Re: pain4ever]
Grunty1967b Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/28/05
Posts: 823
Loc: Australia
REJ,

I do see whatever you decide is up to you and Iím glad to hear your wife is trying to work this through with you. I think many would have said get out! Some time back.

I did raise a point and wanted to know if youíd covered that concept. I asked if when working with your T you had covered the fact of how the triggers make you want to engage in gay sex and help fuel your desire to live a gay lifestyle. Have you covered that?

If you say, yeah, been there, covered that and you donít feel that itís connected and this is purely about your decision to hook up with a male partner instead of a female one then so be it.

I just didnít want my question to you to get lost in what must be a very difficult phase of decision making for you.


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#162648 - 06/21/07 12:27 PM Re: First timer...please help me out. [Re: Grunty1967b]
trusty Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/07
Posts: 167
Loc: Indiana, USA
Grunty,
Yes, absolutely I know that the age of my brother when he abused me is the cause of my triggers being college age guys. My T and I have discussed this, but haven't really touched on the fact that I would like to act on my feelings more today than ever.

Its like this volcano of desire has been building up, and I finally came out to my wife, and now I really want to act on my feelings. My problem is made worse because I'm a college professor, and I have to look at these guys all day long. That's what I need to get beyond in order to stay married. A gay friend of mine recently told me that my problem is that I'm trying to deal with things that most gay guys deal with when they are 19 years old, not 49.

I'm off to my next therapy session right now. I'm happy that I have this great insight from my MS friends to share with her.

Thanks,
REJ





Edited by trusty (06/21/07 02:19 PM)
_________________________
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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#162844 - 06/22/07 11:20 AM Re: First timer...please help me out. [Re: trusty]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
REJ,

Let us know how it goes with your T.

Yes it is hard to deal with this issue later in life. I was told by a gay guy that once your older than 30 in the gay world...you might as well be dead. Well he was WRONG!!

Brian

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#162943 - 06/22/07 08:23 PM Re: First timer...please help me out. [Re: pain4ever]
trusty Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/07
Posts: 167
Loc: Indiana, USA
My therapist yesterday was so happy with me...
I have made up my mind that I would love to stay with my wife, but that it has to be with a certain understanding. I have to be comfortable with my desires for men. So, she must know that I am a bisexual and that I will have thoughts about men forever. I will not act on them so long as we are married, but there will be days when I am checking them out, and that I will continue to keep them in my thoughts of fantasy. I don't want my wife to be constantly asking me if I'm having these thoughts; she can be sure that I will have them, because I always have. I told my wife this last night. She responded that she would prefer to have a fully heterosexual mate who only thinks about her. She is willing to try to make this work, however, because our daughter has two more years of high school. I don't know what to think about that. So, we'll keep working on it.

It feels wonderful, however, to embrace my newly defined sexuality. I'm fine with myself for the first time in 49 years.

Yeah!

REJ

_________________________
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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#163230 - 06/25/07 08:30 AM Re: First timer...please help me out. [Re: trusty]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Get to hear REJ. Glad you are comfortable with your sexuality but keep in mind you dont have to places labels on yourself.

I can understand your wifes feelings....it must be hard but you guys have to do whats best for your children.

Brian

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#163300 - 06/25/07 12:27 PM Re: First timer...please help me out. [Re: pain4ever]
trusty Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/07
Posts: 167
Loc: Indiana, USA
Brian,
You have been an amazing help to me. Thanks for hearing what I have to say, and giving me such level-headed advice. I know this is all going to work out for the best...some day in the not-too-distant future.

I'm truly grateful,
REJ

_________________________
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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#163312 - 06/25/07 01:19 PM Re: First timer...please help me out. [Re: trusty]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
REJ,

Glad I could be here for you. If you ever have any questions let me know.

Yes it will all work out and eventually you will get to a place where you are comfortable with everything. I think it is awesome that you put your girls first.

Brian

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#163318 - 06/25/07 02:04 PM Re: First timer...please help me out. [Re: pain4ever]
TNuss Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/28/06
Posts: 202
Loc: Del-A-Ware???
WOW REJ!

Inside myself I know who I am and want to be, but because of my fears I am unable to express them. I tried to with my first wife, but it led to the end of my marriage. I too have two daughters and it is because of them I closet my sexuality. My fear of being ousted and losing the love of my daughters led to my second marriage. During the time that I was single I explored my sexuality and even tried to come out to my mother, boy was that a mistake. As I said my fears of being ousted and losing the love of my daughters led me into my second marriage. I love my wife and the person she is, but I am not truly completed sexually with her. I live with the guilt.

I admirer your courage! Thank you for sharing!

_________________________
All my best!!!

In harmony,
Troy
________________________________________________________
I hug myself daily until the day I find the embrace that completes me.

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